Mumsnet seems brutal

[LL3]

Why are there so many mean and unsupportive replies on here to posts from people who are just looking for help? It feels like everyone just loves a pile on.

It's always been robust.

I quite like the honesty!

Someone disagreeing with you or telling you something is a bad idea is not mean and unsupportive.

I love honesty too but there’s honesty and then people just having a go and using honesty as an excuse. “Just being honest but my husband never did that and yours sounds like a dick” or “I never had this problem but it sounds like your fault so unlucky” Lot of judgement and zero support.

Im not talking about disagreeing I'm talking about people who are mean and judgemental. So much of it on here when people are genuinely struggling. We love an I told you so in here!

It's not always a place for empathy no.
Depends why you're posting i guess.
Take it as it comes and you'll learn the vibe.
Lottery.

Love this. But isn’t anyone asking for help looking for a bit of empathy? I think a lot of responses on here lack the emotional intelligence needed to actually help and are just people looking to make someone else feel bad. And that’s why it’s worrying people turn to forums like this to solve their problems.

But there’s nothing mean and judgemental about your first example?? This leads me to think you might be a tad oversensitive. If so MN likely isn’t the forum for you, you might prefer somewhere where everyone calls you hunni and validates your lived experience.

You’ve illustrated my point beautifully. Cheers hunni (never used or been called that before btw)

That is an interesting word for it! Not one I’d use but enjoying it as it’s not used enough

Mumsnet can be brutal and it’s brilliant. Not the place to be if you don’t want the full spectrum of replies.

I take this place with a pinch of salt. No point getting worked up with a bunch of strangers.

I do want the full spectrum. I’ve also never posted but I’m put off by the shitty responses most people get. I’m loving how this post is attracting people who immediately assume I’m too delicate to deal with real world truths. I’ve never posted apart from this. I take as I find - I did a deep dive on this platform and most responses are people having a go at others. It’s not a brilliant honest “I’m your BFF keeping it real” site it’s mainly people saying I’m struggling with this and people piling on them.

Why are you on here then? Genuine question not a shitty one at all. Is it helpful to you? I’m intrigued.

We wear hard hats on here. Some people are lovely and you sift the others out.

Been on here 20 years and that's not going to change. I stay clear of some posts, as some people can go on a bit 😆

Such a Tommy response. I enjoy it obvs.

Is it possible to not be judgemental?

A very interesting question as obviously I’m judging people for their judgy responses. BUT that’s not my point really. You can judge/ask questions without being a knob or making someone feel like they’ve fucked up or are less than. And I think that’s where it falls down here. People on here are nasty.

I've been here a long, long time.

But recently it has changed.

I often read unnecessarily unkind replies and reading threads, posters tend to follow the initial responses, quite sheep like...

Interesting! Why do you think that is? I find it really harsh and despite what people above might say I’m not over sensitive .

You just have to ignore the people taking their personal issues out on others. Don't feed the trolls.

But what if I’m a vulnerable young person who doesn’t know that? Doesn’t know to ignore trolls or bad advice? This site has the word mum in the title and it’s toxic for the most part.

It's the internet. I know there are vulnerable people who might be affected, but they should probably be aware they are entering a lion's den online. If they don't know that, someone didn't do their duty to educate them about the online environment.

The site is for adults. There are warnings on particular topics.

You say MN is "toxic for the most part" so it would be a courtesy on your part to provide evidence for this. An analysis by you of the near-260 boards on MN would help here.