How often do 50 somethings have sex?

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I’m not a man and I’m not a troll. I’m asking as I was at a book club this morning and this exact question started a heated debate! Many of the ladies were adamant that over 50’s married women rarely have sex with their other half’s. Surely that’s not right. So please tell me is it? Chat

It would work today. Honest. At least with me. I am over 50.

Yeah, but it doesn’t necessarily work as advice for other people.
Do you really think women in these circumstances will have tried nothing?
Sometimes for men in their fifties it is health problems that prevent them from taking medication for impotence.
Or they have low testosterone and won’t do anything about it.
Or it’s a side effect from medication.
What good is it going to do to start behaving like an x rated version of Daisy from Keeping Up Appearances or suggesting anal in those circumstances?
These are usually women who just want some intimacy with their partner.
They are hardly going to want to start desperately trying to lure them into it with sex toys and porn and other things they may never have liked or wanted anyway. It kind of destroys the point.

If you were 'bored' why didnt you try all this new stuff instead of relying on her do it.

Zero. I am single and celibate.

You may want to ask your gp about topical oestrogen treatment even if you don’t plan sex. You would be much more comfortable

That was the point! She instigated things and that was exactly what I needed and it worked. I got the impression the male partners people were talking about simply lost interest. I was thinking of ways to get interested again.

I agree and I have more issue with a world that tells us that we are wrong for feeling how we do. If we don't care for sex, this over sexualised society tells us we need to sort it out. Why? Because the media makes us think we need to be at it? I'll accept myself as I am, thanks.

Maybe if society didn't also assign women the role of default carers for everyone around us, we'd have more energy and interest? I'm also tired of carrying the mental load in my relationship and that has to change if I'm to be interested. I'm quite enjoying not having sex.

Into old age? I think you know an unusual group of women. It’s very very very very common for libido to drop as hormones shift and for vaginal atrophy to mean that sex is painful, and for women to simply lose their former engagement with the opposite sex as rewarding.

@ThisJadeBear So sorry to hear this. Speak to your GP about Lichen Sclerosis. Check it on 'tinterweb. Truly awful condition until its treated. Try to insist on Dermatology referral (if you've got one that knows about this). I had the condition for years before diagnosis and it saw off my sex life!

It's not just women either. My DH is in his 50s. I've made clear to him that I am not prepared to carry all the mental load for our sex life. I need HIM to bring up the topic of sex for discussion. I'm sick of having to be the one to solve any problems. I have no idea what is going on in his head. I think he's uncomfortable bringing it up, but he's going to have to overcome that if he wants any sex. If I feel like I have to be the one to work for it all the time, it's just not appealing. I'm done with that dynamic.

From his side, he's had some health issues, so there may be some anxiety and issues in that. He's on cholesterol medication, which I know can lower his libido. He needs viagra, which he probably has concerns about with his own health issues. This kind of situation needs communication. He's not good at that and I'm not going to be the initiator yet again.

There's also the issue that he thinks he can do nothing about it for several months, my mind is just not there, and then all of a sudden, "Are you interested in sex tonight?" said at 11pm. Then I'm expected to flip a switch. It doesn't work that way and I've told him that.

I'll consider sex when he shows he cares enough about it to overcome his discomfort with the topic and talk about what's actually going on for him. Meanwhile, I have enough other things that drain my energy going on. He brings it up, sex is a possibility. He sits on it and does nothing, I'm doing nothing. In fact, I'm becoming quite happy and more and more happy with the current situation and not having sex.

Then again, as a result of medication or anything else, maybe he's actually not interested and doesn't want to say? Personally, I'd rather he did say so I know where I stand. If he waits too long, there may be no going back.

Have just done some reading and apparently it's the beta-blocker that is more likely to be causing the lowered libido (if he does actually have lowered libido. I wouldn't know since he refuses to talk about it).

Together with his refusal to communicate due to his own discomfort doing so, the prolonged time this has gone on and me adapting, I think it's reasonable that I get to call some shots too if he suddenly comes off the meds and decides he is interested after all. I've adapted, he's shown no care for how it affects me (because how does he know I'm not really sexually frustrated, which I'm not?), and I like not having sex. It would be completely unfair if I was suddenly expected to be on board again just because he's suddenly found libido in future.

If he communicated, we'd have been having sex because I'd have be happy to work together on it. He hasn't. I've moved past it and am happy with it.

The whole point of my sharing all this is - can we please stop blaming the woman? It's not always them.

I’m 55. DP and I have sex about 3 times a week.

I agree or the we need help to find our sex drive again

I don’t I simply don’t care, I don’t miss it like I don’t miss many things from my younger life and it’s liberating. It was great at the time but I’m not the same person. Many of my friends feel the same

but I do understand for some they do care they want that part of their life back but also aware many women feel under pressure to please their partners there is a lot of pressure many women feel

im thinking a lot of men have sex to prove themselves they still can...however I do wonder how they do it, are you still sexually attracted? experimenting?
i know a lot of people that stopped after having kids.
like maybe the woman never enjoyed that before and after having kids they assume role of a mother and that suffice for them

A lot of men see not able, viagra or not.

As often as we fancy it. Just like any other age group.

Both with full on full time jobs.. two teens needing lifts and only go bed late. So not often

Id love to have sex with my husband more but I keep getting BV after sex since I hit menopause. Its really put me off.

Exactly the same.
Like my partner is using a knife and local HRT doesn’t seem to help. Anyone had anything that worked, please let me know!

What are the somethings? If they're rabbits then the answer is 'a lot'.

I think this is the case a lot more so than is acknowledged or believed. If you think about how much demand there is for ED meds, factor in how many men don’t do anything about it and consider that Viagra etc are not the magic pills a lot of people think they are, that gives some idea of how common a problem ED is.

And some men who seem to have problems don't want to see someone to sort it, for whatever reason. DH started to have problems, wouldn't seek help, and we carried on doing other things for a while, but now he seems to have lost all interest. When I've tried to initiate he's politely declined so often now I rarely bother anymore, because it makes me sad. I do feel it's a bit use it or lose it - as in the less we try, the less we want to. I'm still hoping we can sort it out, but it doesn't help that we have a vulnerable young adult DD who will wander into our room at any time and is always around. So opportunities are naturally limited anyway. We're mid-late 50s.

There’s a decent amount of data about it, though I can’t say where just now. I’ve seen it in the past. It’s like a graph, a few at 50, upwards year by year. More quickly if they have an unhealthy lifestyle, and therefore dodgy arteries. 60%-70% of men by age 60. The notion that men are sexually active longer than women is misleading.

About twice a week. Coming up for 55 and been with partner for 7 years so I am not sure that I count. I was married for 25 years and it was about once a week towards the end, but we'd go long periods of time with none.

None of my friends of a similar age, in decades-long marriages have sex anymore. A couple of them say the idea repulses them completely.

I think many people past their early 50s will have sex a lot less than they will admit to. (Some will have stopped it altogether by their mid-their late 40s. But very few will admit it) People want everyone to think they're at it like rabbits, and as I say, most people will not openly admit they're not shagging anymore. Men moreso.

I take it with a pinch of salt when someone past their early 50s says they're shagging daily, or even 2-3 times a week. And as for 3-4 times a day, LOL, come on! 😆 No-one is shagging this much, especially people in their 50s or older... Most women I know can't be arsed with it anymore.

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