How often do 50 somethings have sex?

[Ginghamtablecloth]

I’m not a man and I’m not a troll. I’m asking as I was at a book club this morning and this exact question started a heated debate! Many of the ladies were adamant that over 50’s married women rarely have sex with their other half’s. Surely that’s not right. So please tell me is it? Chat

not for some time and I don't care I do not want a man in my space

if you had told me this 10/20/30 years ago I would have been devastated by this idea it would have been inconceivable to me then that I would one day not be interested in sex or affection or attention from men

the power of hormones ...

Sorry to hear this, has he or the doctors given any reason as to why he no longer has any interest in sex? Can see that it would knock your self esteem but it isn’t your fault at all.

Gp just offered me the coil for HRT and I said no as there must be better things

I reported it and MNHQ deleted it with 2 minutes. They're really on the ball, so if you see something that nasty, just report it.

I’m wondering if the people who have always loved sex are the ones still having it regularly, and the ones who didn’t like it but put up with it because they were younger are the ones glad not to be having it now.

I loved sex. When I was peri I felt like a young woman again in terms of libido.
I looked forward to my periods ending thinking… freedom is coming.
I am in so much pain from atrophy I can’t even wear underwear or sit in a chair properly. I can barely wipe myself when I’ve been for a wee. I have tried every type of HRT/topical treatment/physio.
You name it, I’ve tried it.
I don’t see sex as a chore it was a huge source of joy for me. To lose it from my life and what it has done to my confidence has been awful. It’s not been great for my relationship either.

This is a comforting thought. But it’s not remotely correct. I’m sorry to tell you that women are capable of change. Even if that seems unimaginable.

I have said it before, there are many things to do besides intercourse. We all know this. I do not understand the complete absence of sexual relations. Oral, anal, simultaneous self-pleasuring. Discussions of sexual history: Likes, dislikes, great memories. I do not get the absence of it all. Women can be seducers.

That annoys me so much. Im sure they could find som.something but have not bothered to research, like the link between dementia and oestrogen

No I do not think it is about that at all. I absolutely loved sex like many of us do, I was confident with my body, quite adventurous and had no hang ups around sex I knew what I liked and what I was willing to do

for me its the hormonal shift, as mentioned in a previous post if i have been told when younger one day you just won't be interested in sex or care about men finding me sexually attractive I would have been devastated, it would have been inconceivable that I would feel this way but I just don't care I find it liberating to not care (as with other areas of my life)

I feel for woman who no longer care about sex and feel under pressure and I understand for some women they really miss the intimacy but simply no longer have the same desires they once did. Being single I do no have these concerns

I think most women are aware they can be seducers

but for some of us we no longer care to be....

what is important is that we are ok with how we feel

I have not found them to be on the ball lately at all. I don’t bother anymore.

I was thinking about women who are frustrated with their partner's lack of interest. Show off your sex toy. Put on an x-rayed movie. Talk dirty. Act in a fashion he can't resist. I'm speaking a little bit from experience. She got my libido activated big time.

Lack of oestrogen caused so many issues over time.
I went in for some tests because of post menopause bleeding. No cancer. I did try to discuss it with the consultant - a gynae surgeon of my age - she says I don’t really like anything about hormones.
So where do you go from there? She did say at one point that Davina McCall has too much to say!
I know HRT isn’t for everyone and it’s not perfect.

4 times a month, which strangely means sex 0.92 times a week, which may explain a lot!

How old were you both at the time?
Why did you have a lack of interest?

I’m late fifties. Been with DH nearly 40 years. Generally two or three times a week but much more when we’re on holiday so don’t have to worry about getting up early.

How old were you when you got together?

18 married at 22

As long as you’re happy that’s all that matters. Judging by your username I can see you’re already on HRT so you’d think that would help.

No it’s not unimaginable at all, just wishful thinking on my part! My mum has always delighted in telling me about sex (she was enjoying it into her 70s) also known couples who swing and the women are loving sex into old age. But we can’t know which way it will go.

Actually, in my mid 20s. I was bored with the routine. She picked up on it and things got very good. She knew what she wanted but was intimidated. I went with the flow. She was so thrilled I made no value judgment.

I suspect the women saying "never" and the women saying "three times a week" probably have more in common than either group realises.

Well that’s very different to couples in their fifties who may have physical/ health problems, be perimenopausal or menopausal etc. How is it even relevant?

Pamela Madsen is a guru of sex evolving throughout life, and I find her pretty inspirational. Worth following on Instagram. I wish I could afford to send my partner to one of her retreats.

Pamela Madsen

@Ginghamtablecloth , she has a book, maybe one for the book club x