Teenage boys response to me in pub has really bothered me. Why?

[Peonie20]

Hi,

I have just noticed there is already a "rate me" style thread going and this is purely coincidental, as I was coming on to say that I was recently rated in person, which was of course incredibly rude, as I didn't ask to be, but I was annoyed at myself! I was annoyed because I let a couple of teenage boys opinions on my level of attractiveness bother me. This is what happened...

I was at my local pub with my partner and teenage daughter. It was early doors, but a Friday night and a little more rowdy than usual. There was a table of 18 year old boys very close to us ( I heard them discussing their age - not a guess) I noticed one was looking at me a lot, to the point it made me quite uncomfortable and self conscious. I was trying to ignore and just engage with my partner and DD, but I heard him say very loudly "check her out". Then a couple of them changed seats to look directly at me and one then got up to go to the loo, looked at his mate and shrugged "nahhh".

It made me feel absolutely horrible in all honestly. I'm at that stage (42) where I've noticed I've become a bit invisible over the past few years, but was used to getting lots of attention before then. It's a weird transition, as I didn't always like the attention, but the invisibility seems so sudden and stark.

I was really cross with the guy who was staring at me, making me feeling so uncomfortable, but I suppose we've still be conditioned as women to think that if someone is saying you're attractive, that's a positive thing. To then be told (indirectly) that you're not, suddenly makes you question yourself again. Firstly, well what's wrong with me?? And then, hang on...why on earth do I care what some 18 year old boy thinks of me?! So I ended up judging myself twice!

Anyway, it's really stayed with me and I'm cross at myself for letting it.

I suspect lots of you can relate to this feeling?... Or am I just being absolutely ridiculous? 😬

Some men are just downright twats. There is never a reason to be so nasty to someone, it 's probably a game they play, when they realise they wouldn't have a hope in hell with any one of you.

Why would you want a drunk 18 year old to fancy you? That’s really weird.

And only complains about the one who doesn't and even the DH didn't think there was a problem and yet, you have women on here, screaming about abuse by men and voters rights which haven't been an issue since 1918. It's so boring.

They’re young boys being silly.

I remember overhearing a group saying a girl didn’t have big enough boobs - they were at least a D cup!!

Most of these boys have only ever seen teenage girls or women on TV so their expectations of normal women are completely off.

I am sure you have rated men with your friends before and you didn’t mean any harm.
Just remember that we’ve all been silly and it’s nothing personal.

These ‘young boys’ grow up into men who think that women are lesser than them.

And do you think teen boys rating women is in any way comparable if the sexes are swapped?

They clearly don’t respect women so the least we can do is teach them that women are beings in their own right and that they don’t get to speak like that.

So you’re saying it’s fine for females to do it but not males?

Don’t be so ridiculous.

I think you're a bit too sensitive if a group of 18yo boys decided you weren't their cup of tea and it hurt your feelings.

I’m not saying it’s fine at all.

However the potential threat levels aren’t comparable.

Are you a ‘boy mum’ by any chance?

Yes they were silly boys, but silly boys can often grow into silly men.....and then it becomes a bigger problem.
They will become the men who stare at womens boobs instead of their faces, disrespecting them, judging them on their sexual attractiveness, making women feel uncomfortable and demeaned....because they have never grown out of the behaviour that's designed to purposely belittle women.

Someone earlier in the thread made a stupid remark about mothers of boys seeing nothing wrong with this kind of behaviour....on the contrary, mothers with boys are the very women who can nip this in the bud.

Yes, I have been enjoying the many replies along the lines of "My owner would have had something to say to them!" Woe betide the fool who disrespects another man's female property, for they disrespect him and must be punished.

Maybe some women like their partners to stick up for them....each to their own.

No I’m not - what’s your point?

You’re being dramatic over some teens being silly amongst themselves and OP has taken it to heart because she’s been feeling sensitive.

It was nothing personal.

Yet often they don’t. Why is that

Yes.

We literally had builders in a few weeks ago and all of the women staff were commenting on which one we fancied and we’re all 27+
The worst two were a 60yo and a 72yo 😂

We’re all very respectful to men.
It’s just a bit of fun.

It isn’t about the Op. In three or so years these ‘boys’ are going to be men who don’t respect women.

They then become the type of useless partner that many women complain about.

Less respectful if you were doing it in earshot, I would think.

Maybe they have a father as a bad role model.

Do you think the builders felt threatened by that in any way?

When it’s a group of boys/men rating young women (not the OP) do you think the young women could possibly feel threatened?

I only suggested that adult women take the opportunity to take them down a peg or two.

Going by some threads on here, some boys are positively worshipped by their doting mothers who won’t accept they do anything wrong.

Firstly they are men at 18, just highly Immature ones playing up to each other.

there is another issue here, you wanted them to find you attractive once you understood that was what was being discussed. And that would say some or all of your self esteem comes from being perceived as attractive, and you’re nor secure in your appearance. You want the validation. So I’d focus on what your upset tells you

Just realised they are in fact grown men. Good luck to the women in their lives

I haven't seen those threads, though no doubt some mothers do think their kids walk on water.

I do know, being a mum and nan to all boys, that they can be guided to NOT treat girls, and later women, in a disrespectful way, it starts from childhood.
Obviously dads have a part to play too.

Bullshit. Anyone hearing 'nah' as a judgement on what society has, since they were little girls, told them is the most important thing about them would be angry and upset.

There is literally nothing in this scenario that you could call performative unless you had a very strong political agenda.

Boring.