Teenage boys response to me in pub has really bothered me. Why?

[Peonie20]

Hi,

I have just noticed there is already a "rate me" style thread going and this is purely coincidental, as I was coming on to say that I was recently rated in person, which was of course incredibly rude, as I didn't ask to be, but I was annoyed at myself! I was annoyed because I let a couple of teenage boys opinions on my level of attractiveness bother me. This is what happened...

I was at my local pub with my partner and teenage daughter. It was early doors, but a Friday night and a little more rowdy than usual. There was a table of 18 year old boys very close to us ( I heard them discussing their age - not a guess) I noticed one was looking at me a lot, to the point it made me quite uncomfortable and self conscious. I was trying to ignore and just engage with my partner and DD, but I heard him say very loudly "check her out". Then a couple of them changed seats to look directly at me and one then got up to go to the loo, looked at his mate and shrugged "nahhh".

It made me feel absolutely horrible in all honestly. I'm at that stage (42) where I've noticed I've become a bit invisible over the past few years, but was used to getting lots of attention before then. It's a weird transition, as I didn't always like the attention, but the invisibility seems so sudden and stark.

I was really cross with the guy who was staring at me, making me feeling so uncomfortable, but I suppose we've still be conditioned as women to think that if someone is saying you're attractive, that's a positive thing. To then be told (indirectly) that you're not, suddenly makes you question yourself again. Firstly, well what's wrong with me?? And then, hang on...why on earth do I care what some 18 year old boy thinks of me?! So I ended up judging myself twice!

Anyway, it's really stayed with me and I'm cross at myself for letting it.

I suspect lots of you can relate to this feeling?... Or am I just being absolutely ridiculous? 😬

Does society still do this though to such an extent? Some things like SM have got worse but arguably women have far more routes to status in society without relying on their looks than they did 70 or even 100 years ago.

I have a 19 year old son and he would not do this sort of thing but is he young and very silly sometimes? Yep

honestly, don’t give this a second thought. They’re super immature at this age. Just tell them to shut it

Unless you didn't like them rating you as if you were just there for their gratification, then don't give it too much headspace OP. They're 18, you're 42. Of course you're not going to be attractive to most 18 year olds as a rule. When I was 18, I thought 30 was ancient.

Think of it this way - when I look at an 18 year old there is no way I would even think about whether they were attractive to me or not. The very idea gives me ick. I see them as kids. That doesn't mean they aren't attractive to someone else where it's age appropriate, just not to me. That's not personal or even a reflection on their attractiveness to others around their age.

The "manosphere" encompasses a large number of completely different and unrelated ideologies and beliefs, with the only thread connecting them is the fact that they are male-centred.

"Lad culture" overlaps with some parts of the manosphere like hyper-masculinity (a focus on physical fitness, appearance, etc), male dominance, favouring of traditional gender roles, a focus on wealth, pick up artists, etc. etc. The funny thing though is that virtually all women say they hate "lads" and "lad culture," yet, I never see any lads having difficulty finding a partner...

Other aspects of the "manosphere" include incels, red pill / black pill ideology, men's rights, and MGTOW... obviously, those men have absolutely nothing to do with "lads" and are nothing like "lads" in how they go about their lives.

I think any attractive woman gets looked at and yes possibly lusted over by any male. Which is one reason why we try and look our best most of the time. I do feel however that most youngsters treat us badly and can be dismissive when it comes to serious things.

Men really aren’t fussy.

The reason I try to look my best is to make myself feel good, nothing to do with being 'lusted after'.
I am older now, but when I was young, I wore glasses (with plain lenses) sometimes, for the very reason I hated being lusted after, and creepy men give women wearing glasses and a big coat a miss....which was a bloody relief.

You lost me OP when you said you don't think it's yuk an 18yo to fancy a 40yo. Really?
I'm sorry but it is yuk. I am 37 and quite attractive apparently - it would upset my stomach to be fancied by a 18yo.
They were absolutely horrible to rate you and I understand your feelings about that - but it wouldn't be normal a teenager to fancy a 40yo woman

I don't think it's abnormal for an 18yo to fancy a 40yo. Each to their own!

From my experience, it happens.
I think yuks should be aplenty if any older women encourage it, hopefully they don't.
A young man having a crush on an older woman is hardly sickening, it's part of growing up for many.

Umm absolutely. How many older celebrities do people fancy when they’re in their teens and beyond. What would be yuck is a 40 something pursuing an 18yo in a pub, but not just generally appreciating someone’s looks.

There are nice , kind and respectful 18 and 19 year old boys .
The ones you encountered were bloody idiots showing off to each other .

You’ve completely missed the point. You probably know that as well.

You’d think as well that when you’re only writing one sentence you could bother to get the grammar right.

I don’t need to get grammar right. I’m dyslexic.

You need to educate yourself in diversity though.

You’re welcome

What an absolutely horrible comment.

You have basically just said that all mothers of boys condone misogyny. How dare you.

Did you mean to say that?

I’d have told my partner WHILE I WAS THERE and he would absolutely have had a word with these idiots and sorted them out! By not saying anything they’ll think they can do it again!

I’ll call out grammar if I want. Clue: I would never do it if the person was making a sensible point. Pretty sure mentioning grammar doesn’t contravene talk guidelines but you could try reporting me if you don’t like it.

I didn’t say you couldn’t call grammar out.

Comprehension isn’t your strong point it is? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

But you weren’t being rated as I understand it. You were just being looked at (though surprising at such an age difference). I’d be very surprised at a group of lads out together who DIDNT look around at women. Don’t you all think that a bunch of 18 year old women together for a night out do the exact same thing? We sure did! The thing is we would try not to make it so obvious, though if someone looked fanciable we just might make it obvious….my cousin met his wife that way!

Comprehension is understanding the meaning behind words not just the literal words themselves. You said you’re dyslexic and that I could do with some diversity education. What, unless you were suggesting that I shouldn’t have called out your grammar, was the point of saying those things? Please do explain, seeing as my comprehension is so shit.

Oh, and while we’re nit-picking about comprehension, I never said that you need to get grammar right, I simply pointed out that you didn’t.

I’m waiting for you to explain when I said you couldn’t call out grammar. Can you quote me please?

I don’t think you’ve had enough time to complete this ‘diversity education’ you speak of. I wonder why? It’s Sunday and you’re not exactly time poor are you?

anyone else have a flash of Perry just swaggering back from his aunties in Manchester? where apparently they are gaggin fer it
I’d like to shag your mum…

I tried to link the youtube clip bit failed, sorry…

I’ve already explained. You said something which, imo at least, meant that you thought I shouldn’t be calling out your grammar. You didn’t literally say ‘you can’t call out my grammar’.

Have a lovely day now.