3yo DD says she's a boy

[mumtoa3yo]

I know MN is generally not a very trans-supportive space but posting here in case anyone has any experience.

My 3yo DD says she's a boy and has done for as long as I can remember. She has an older brother she adores, and I wonder if it's more idolisation of him (she even says she wants us to have another baby now, as she's the age her brother was when she was born, so that she can "be a big brother") or if there's actually something that might be gender-diverse for her.

She says she wants a short haircut like her brother but when I show her images of haircuts (for boys or girls), she doesn't want a boy cut but will pick something like a bob. She plays equally with boys and girls at nursery and has a variety of play interests (loads of pretend play, duplo, puzzles, play doh, outdoor play, but also lots of caretaking of animals and dolls, giving them bottles, breastfeeding them), and she does also model what her big brother does (he is very typically "boy," cannons, sword fighting etc.). Her clothes are mixed, she wants some old clothes of her brothers but also wants lots of pink and purple unicorns, rainbows, glitter (although refuses anything with frills or hearts!)

Has anyone gone through this? I sort of suspect that when she starts reception she might have more peer pressure and the glow of her big brother will fade a bit, but I also want to support her and let her know she is loved regardless.

It's not that MN is not "trans supportive". It's more that many of us ARE "child safeguarding supportive". Please go to the website "Transgender Trend" and read the scientific evidence for the many reasons why encouraging a child to think they can change sex is highly damaging to them.

The issue is you over-thinking! Trans awareness has trapped you. Your DD is being herself and having fun.

See here

Tell her girls can’t be boys, and that both boys and girls can have whatever haircut and clothes they want.

If you bring her up without expectations based on her sex, she’ll be fine. Stop giving it so much thought. She’s a girl.

She sounds perfectly normal. She is interested in a range of things because she's human and she's curious. Let her play with what she likes, let her have her hair and clothes how she likes and if she says she's a boy just say that's nice dear, like you would if she said she was a dog.

She’s 3! She’s imitating her older brother. It means nothing at this age. Make sure she understands the difference between boys and girls (as in sex not gender) in age-appropriate ways (teach the names for private parts. Tell her boys and girls can wear what they want/ play with what they want. Humour her when she’s pretending to be a boy the same way you humour her when she’s pretending to be a cat or a superhero or a dinosaur. And then wait. Most probably, it’s just a phase. If it’s not then you can deal with it then. I wouldn’t even bother explaining what transgender means at her age. She’s too young to get it. You could bring it up in 3 or 4 years if this phase persists.

Apart from the dolls, you’ve described me exactly as a child.

The difference is I’m 57 years old so thankfully my parents response was “Oh that’s nice “.

My three year old has said she's a boy a few times. She doesn't really understand what that means, and often lists off people we know asking if they're boys or girls, and whether they have long or short hair.

I just tell her she's a girl because she has a vulva, and Billy is a boy because he has a penis.

We, and nursery staff, never tell her that anything else is for girls or for boys.

Dont be silly darling, you're a girl. You can wear whatever you want though, do what you want with your hair and play with any toy you fancy.

One of my sons chose a girls name at that age. His brothers teased him,I just ignored it. I think it lasted a year maybe two. All grown up now, married and a dad. His brothers still tease him about it occasionally.

My daughter was adamant she was a dog at 3 (well, apart from when she was Dora the Explorer.) She now identifies as a stroppy teenager….

Me and my sisters all went through extended tomboy stages, we were interested in TMNT, ghostbusters, Bill & Ted, basically the boy cartoons and characters were more fun! It's very very normal and not something to try and make a thing of, girls can have short haircuts, boys can have long hair... just let her be, she will change again and again before she even starts school.

I did the same as a child. Told everyone I was a boy and gave myself a boy’s name. To her eternal credit, my mum made no fuss about it whatsoever and treated it - I suppose - as an extended period of imaginative play. My nursery school was exactly the same. I grew out of it pretty quickly. I wholeheartedly recommend you do the same.

She is 3 years old?
What on earth are you worried about?

I've just remembered when my DD was 3 she called herself SisterBruv because she wanted to be a big brother (because she had one ) and Sister 😂

My boys wouldn’t consider shoes from the ‘boys’ section of Clark’s
They wanted all the girls shoes

They never wanted their hair cut ( long curly locks and one still has )

They didn’t have any sisters just liked what they liked
Its not deep
Nothing ‘other’ is going on
They are just kids liking what they like

We are the ones that stereotype

All adults now and not trans.

My 3yo is currently jumping around saying he’s a frog 🤷‍♀️

your post is full of stereotypes - that’s the issue. she’s exploring a great, wide range of things to see if she enjoys them but they’re being listed as ‘masculine’ ‘feminine’ like some kind of tick list about what she should enjoy.

Mine was so much a dog that she ate her Cheerios dry from a bowl on the floor and slept on a cushion in the shape of a bone on the floor. She would only eat biscuits that I made in a bone shape and would insist that I train her in the park. She wore her hair on two space buns for at least a year.

At no point did I tell her that she was a dog or she could become a dog. She can’t be a dog, she’s a person.

Now she isn’t a dog, she’s a goth.

My 3 year old grandson has spent the day pretending to be a “bad guy” and we have had to be police officers trying to catch him. It’s not the first time he’s said he’s a bad guy. Should we start preparing him for a life of crime?

Is she watching anything on a tablet or YouTube that might be influencing her ideas?

Yes experience in the family, from toddlerhood wanted to be called a boys name, refused to wear skirts and said they were a boy. This is 20 years before the trans explosion started. Eldest child, no male cousins even. I can happen, rare but isn’t impossible. Best approach is to ignore it for the foreseeable future and it’s likely to stop naturally but if it doesn’t, using a gender neutral name and wearing androgynous clothing is reversible, my relative didn’t seek medical attention until over 18

Sounds like a kid emulating an idolised sibling. I wouldn't pay it much attention really, just keep encouraging her to be the unique individual that she is and reinforce that all games and all toys and all clothes are for girls and boys and that she can enjoy things with her brother even without being a boy.

My dd used to be pretty adamant that she needed to turn in to a boy so that she could go to school like her older brother. Later, her younger brother would wear her floaty dresses and tutus to the park and chose a pink bike helmet.

My dd is very much a young woman and managed to go to school without becoming a boy and her younger brother is now a teenage boy. Who no longer wears dresses. Though still loves shiny things.

Please try not to put your children into a box based on stereotypes. Girls can have short hair/ wear green/ climb trees/ like dinosaurs etc.