3yo DD says she's a boy

[mumtoa3yo]

I know MN is generally not a very trans-supportive space but posting here in case anyone has any experience.

My 3yo DD says she's a boy and has done for as long as I can remember. She has an older brother she adores, and I wonder if it's more idolisation of him (she even says she wants us to have another baby now, as she's the age her brother was when she was born, so that she can "be a big brother") or if there's actually something that might be gender-diverse for her.

She says she wants a short haircut like her brother but when I show her images of haircuts (for boys or girls), she doesn't want a boy cut but will pick something like a bob. She plays equally with boys and girls at nursery and has a variety of play interests (loads of pretend play, duplo, puzzles, play doh, outdoor play, but also lots of caretaking of animals and dolls, giving them bottles, breastfeeding them), and she does also model what her big brother does (he is very typically "boy," cannons, sword fighting etc.). Her clothes are mixed, she wants some old clothes of her brothers but also wants lots of pink and purple unicorns, rainbows, glitter (although refuses anything with frills or hearts!)

Has anyone gone through this? I sort of suspect that when she starts reception she might have more peer pressure and the glow of her big brother will fade a bit, but I also want to support her and let her know she is loved regardless.

It should also be noted that very young children do not understand what ‘boy’ and ‘girl’ mean; they are still forming their understanding of the world and how things are categorised. Why wouldn’t she think she is a boy if no one has told her otherwise, or if they try and blur what being a boy or girl means? It is nothing to do with any mythical ‘identity’ and everything to do with learning how language and categories work.

One of my cousins was the same. Grew up surrounded by boys she adored, wanted to be called by a boys name. No one took much notice really, went along with it for fun occasionally. She grew up to be a fem lesbian in the end.

30 years ago my dd was the same. Had short hair, lived in football shirts, had no interest in girls clothes, toys, or activities. I let her wear what she wanted but was always clear that she was a girl and always would be. Luckily that wasn't considered controversial at the time. She is in her 30s now, a perfectly happy, heterosexual woman. She still isn't into make up or high heels, (nor am i) but she loves being a woman. Children don't fit into neat boxes, but they will always be the sex they were born as.

My son wanted to be a train when he was 3 and insisted he was called Thomas, would only answer to Thomas or go anywhere until i pretended to be the Fat Controller and gave him orders on where to choo choo to. . He grew out of it.

At 3 my child called himself Peter Parker. Even refused to tell the health visitor his name just “Peter Parker”. He was Spider-Man as far as he was concerned.
Don’t over think it. “That’s lovely, now go and play” response

DS used to like dressing up in a red party dress from the dressing up box at preschool and would play with his best friend, a girl, when they were 3.

He's 17 now and very much a boy. He works out at the gym, and would be horrified at me telling this story 😁But the point is, you can't tell at age 3 what they will be like as teens.

Missing point of the thread I think but I am HUGELY enjoying all the stories about 3 year olds’ crazy immersive imaginary play! Miss those days so much now I have a stroppy teenager! ❤️

My kids did this for years. They are both clearly now the gender they were assigned at birth

however early days. Y6 and Y10 so I guess things could still change.

they also used other names for a while too. Also grown out of that.

When my Dc were born their sex was observed (though the sex of one had already been observed at her 20 week scan). How were your DC ‘assigned’ ‘gender’? Were genders pulled out of a hat? Were you required to dress your newborns in clothes corresponding to regressive sexist stereotypes? Did your midwife and health visitors visit to check their nursery was sufficiently gendered in pick or blue?

My 3 year old GD says she’s a dog. She’s not.

My very first thought was ‘I thought I was a dog at 3, and wanted to be a dog until I was about 10. Fortunately I’m a fully functioning human in my 30’s who grew out of being a Labrador/Dalmatian/spaniel’ 😂

she's three
she's learning what things mean
help her understand that her sex is a fact, and her taste, presentation and hairstyle totally up to her!

I'm now thinking of a little girl I knew who insisted she was going to marry daddy when she grew up. Back then the response was that's nice but going by some responses on here shed probably get a lecture now on incest and how inappropriate that ambition is.

my 6yoDD spends most of her waking time pretending to be a puppy or kitten...

I just asked my 4 yr old nephew (who has an older brother and sister ) what the difference is between boys and girls. Apparently girls pee sitting down and boys pee standing up. Can’t dispute that as a generalization. Children can make things quite simple.

As a former dog who from time to time ate from a bowl on the floor, I would be treating it as a phase. I think I had to stop when we got a dog because our pet ate all my food. I’m now 67 years old. I don’t think even my sister remembers. I still remember it being fun.

Just fun without long term consequences.

It's very common for young children to take on the persona of an animal. Especially dogs, cats and dinosaurs for some reason. I used to work in reception classes and saw this a lot. One little girl in particular would crawl around under the tables and lick her 'paws', meow at the teacher etc. Likewise the role play area. At age 3/4 they explore everything, all the clothes, all the roles and it doesn't mean a thing except that they are developing normally.

One question about this. What are 'boy things'?

Genuinely.

Are you dumb?

Can you name any boy things that are not suitable for girls?

Tell her in a very loving and supportive way that people don’t change girl to boy or boy to girl but the great news is she can be an awesome girl who dresses however she likes, plays with whoever she likes, plays whatever she likes etc. she can be strong, she can have any job and generally the whole boy and girl thing is inconsequential to what she does.

As a child I liked cars, action man and football. I hated dolls and anything girly.
She's a child, let her be a child. Why does there have to be a label on everything .

Even now as an adult I absolutely hate and will not wear a skirt, personal preference not because I wanted to be a boy. The thought never entered my head.

This world is nuts........

Do you say to her “ no, you are a girl” ?
Correct her and do not believe a 3 yr old means this.

I thought as much. There are no actual 'boy things'.

Did you know that there was an experiment where volunteers were told that they were studying babies reactions to strangers. The baby was placed in the room on a blanket with a variety of toys around them. The parent left the room and the stranger came in. They were asked to interact with the baby.

The babies were dressed in either pink or blue and sitting on a corresponding pink or blue blanket and the volunteers chose toys depending on how they viewed the sex of the baby - trucks, trains and dinosaurs for boys, soft toys and dolls for girls, that sort of thing. Without fail, every single volunteer thought the pink dressed babies were girls and the blue dressed babies were boys.

After the experiment they were told that the boys were dressed in pink and the girls in blue and they were all surprised and amazed at their own bias.

This stereotyping comes from adults, not children. Adults treat boys and girls differently and this is what needs to change.

How crazy that people suggest children should undertake medical intervention, sex change surgeries, hormone injections, breast removal, etc. to make their bodies align with their interests, rather than simply letting them partake in those interests.

Shock, horror, my daughter likes trucks, she must be a boy!

How have we got here?

My son wanted to be a wolf at 3 and would drink water out of a bowl like an animal. He's now a very sensible 22 year old.

I remember that experiment
It was very telling