3yo DD says she's a boy

[mumtoa3yo]

I know MN is generally not a very trans-supportive space but posting here in case anyone has any experience.

My 3yo DD says she's a boy and has done for as long as I can remember. She has an older brother she adores, and I wonder if it's more idolisation of him (she even says she wants us to have another baby now, as she's the age her brother was when she was born, so that she can "be a big brother") or if there's actually something that might be gender-diverse for her.

She says she wants a short haircut like her brother but when I show her images of haircuts (for boys or girls), she doesn't want a boy cut but will pick something like a bob. She plays equally with boys and girls at nursery and has a variety of play interests (loads of pretend play, duplo, puzzles, play doh, outdoor play, but also lots of caretaking of animals and dolls, giving them bottles, breastfeeding them), and she does also model what her big brother does (he is very typically "boy," cannons, sword fighting etc.). Her clothes are mixed, she wants some old clothes of her brothers but also wants lots of pink and purple unicorns, rainbows, glitter (although refuses anything with frills or hearts!)

Has anyone gone through this? I sort of suspect that when she starts reception she might have more peer pressure and the glow of her big brother will fade a bit, but I also want to support her and let her know she is loved regardless.

Ffs she’s THREE.

I’ve never even discussed the trans debate here but come on , surely telling her she is a girl is the right thing to do here . Kids go through stages , my 4 year old had a stage of wanting to be like daddy , now in the morning she is moana and in the afternoon spider man .

My 3yo DS has told me daily for a year now that he's a t-rex and that he'll need to sleep in the garden when he grows up. My DCs friend at school is 7yo and only plays with boys, wears her hair short and likes football, pokemon etc and worships her big brother.

Let her just be a normal little girl who likes what she likes. I too wanted to be a boy like my big brother too, dont make it a big deal.

Yes it strikes me that you're not supporting her understanding fully. You need to correct her - "No honey, you have a fanny so you're a girl. Girls have fannys and boys have willys, isn't that right. Yes darling we can play monster trucks because they're for everyone.'

My 3yo identifies as a mouse at the moment. Her older brother identifies as a cat in response so it's often a complete bloodbath in our house.

I identify as someone without children and ignore them as best I can.

Why do people overthink normal/differing stages of development?

Trans ideology being in the headlines has a lot to answer for.

I remember being a small child and telling my mother that if I had to get married when I grew up I was going to marry her because there was nobody else I'd want to marry.

For goodness sake. These are babies! They don't need analysing!

This has just reminded me, I used to say that I only had one arm for a bit. Even when I was old enough to help my mum with the little ones, I said I couldn't open the tin of beans because I only had one arm. My mum just rolled her eyes and shooed me out of the kitchen. I was probably about 5 or 6 by then but still with a strong imagination 😂

My daughter went through a phase when she was about three when she decided she was a boy and insisted on being called Matthew. She drew a beard on her chin with felt pens because she wanted to look like Matthew Corbett of Sooty and Sweep fame. We all called her Matthew for a while and then she discovered Bananas in Pyjamas and decided that she was a banana, so we called her B2 until she moved onto the next thing. I think it’s a perfectly normal phase at tjst kind of age.

I also wanted to be a boy when I was little, because the street I lived in was full of boys so they were the only kids I played with. I even told strangers I met on holiday that I was a boy (called Steve)
Fortunately “trans awareness” wasn’t a thing then (if someone had told me when my breasts started growing that I could take medication/have surgery and it would make me a boy, I’d have been all over it)
Anyway, thankfully I grew up. I’m still not stereotypically feminine, but definitely a woman.
Please, for the love of God, do not entertain this “you might have been born in the wrong body” nonsense.

I wanted to be a boy for years as a kid. There'd have been merry hell if my mum tried putting me in a dress. I played with mechano and thought my sister's barbies and babydolls were for drips.

Well i grew up into your average straightwoman and no issues

I declared that I was a boy to my parents around the same age. They let me have my more boyish interests and convinced me to wear dresses by telling me they were boy dresses. Thankfully that was the extent of them validating it because I am very happily (still, biologically) a woman now.

Surely this is just rage bait? No one actually thinks that what we wear or our hobbies or a like or dislike of glitter can in any way change our sex.

That is what very young children are being taught in schools courtesy of lobby groups and activist civil servants pushing ‘schools guidance’ that says just that. There are a whole range of LBGTQ+ books aimed at children stocked by school libraries backing this up.

Say to her ‘you are a girl. It is ok for girls to like boy things.’ Lots of younger siblings idolise their older siblings and want to be like them. Your dd isn’t trans.

It's not allowing me to quote you @Pitcherofmilk but that just makes me so incredibly sad that children this young aren't being supported to believe they can like or dress however they like and still be accepted. I was supported to be whoever I wanted to be in the 80s and 90s and yet 30 years later we now ahve to pigeonhole kids. Surely this is setting feminism back decades that a girl with short hair, or who wears trousers, wants to be a builder or clutches pearls is attracted to other girls must disguise as a boy in order to be socially accepted, why the hell aren't schools telling children they can dress how they want, love who they want, do whatever job they want, have whatever hobbies they want, and society will accept and love them without them having to fit into a gender normative expectation?!

She is not a boy. She is a girl with an older brother.
You dont need to do anything. You dont need to say anything beyond ok sweetheart.

Adults have got to stop thinking kids see the world the same way they do.

Shes not coming out to you she's not disclosing her identity she isnt asking to transition. Shes just a 3 year old being a 3 year old. Playing and learning.

Let her. You dont need to do anything.

Its a normal part of childhood tbh. I would not take it too seriously. I'd neither encourage or discourage.
Let her have short hair and wear practical comfortable clothes like her brother if she wants. She's barely out of toddlerhood and she's got decades ahead of her to think about who she is in the world.

my question is more about gender identity and expression in this age. DS was always very boyish (still is) so this has surprised me. I don’t believe girls or boys have any different activities

what do you think ‘gender identity’ is? It is adherence to sexist regressive sex stereotypes. Why do you think she needs to do this? If boys and girls don’t have any different activities then there is no such thing as ‘gender identity’.

Honestly, you are reading way too much into this! My daughter (who is now 13) was similar to this at the same age, she even had a ‘boy’ name she wished for us to call her. She is now the most girly girl you could imagine. It is just kids being kids. As for the hair/clothing- I wouldn’t let a child of that age choose- that would be for me to decide. I am a firm believer in respecting my child’s wishes and body autonomy but ultimately- at a toddler age- it is my decision as I’m the parent. Of course, things change as they get older and they have more say so over everything. There is nothing wrong with saying- you are not a boy, biologically you are a girl- it’s just a fact!

IMO it’s pretty common at that age, especially if they’re copying a sibling. At 3 my Gds was happily dressing up in e.g. Disney Princess outfits, same as his elder sister, to whom he was very close. And playing with her baby dolls. I well remember him coming to the grown ups in the kitchen, asking us to keep quiet because they’d just put them all to bed!

Now 10, he’s as boy-ish a boy as you can possibly imagine.

‘Incredibly sad’ is not how I would describe my feelings about the indoctrination of small children into an ideology that, yes, sets feminism back decades, throws safeguarding out the window, harms all children, imposes regressive sex stereotypes, destroys women’s rights…

My DD said she wanted to be a very wide range of things at 3….a unicorn, a monster truck, a toaster, a baby again, definitely a boy many times. 3 year olds are mad.

Let her play at saying she is a boy and see how things develop.
Lots of kids clothes and hairstyles are in effect gender neutral so no need to stress about her choices there.

Not sure if this is a wind up or not but if you do want to “support” your child rather than wear them as a slightly out of date accessory then you very obviously ensure that they know that they are a girl, and a girl is a female child with a female body and any clothes, haircuts, toys hobbies, personalities etc.
What you don’t do is pathologicalise completely normal play, language, haircuts (haircuts!) and pretend that if she likes what you consider to be a boys thing (hair, outfit, toy, way of moving through the world) then she has a “gender identity” and that gender identity makes her body wrong. If she persists on saying she is a “brother” as an older child then maybe tell she is a sister - a sister being the girl version of brother and her being a girl. If she says she wants “boy clothes” or “boy hair” or “boy toys” then say they are girls clothes/hair/toys because they belong to her and she is a girl. Don’t bake in a condition of her being “herself” is having a “gender identity” and “gender expression” as if these are real things of monumental significance rather than a toddler admiring an older sibling and liking a particular aesthetic.