3yo DD says she's a boy

[mumtoa3yo]

I know MN is generally not a very trans-supportive space but posting here in case anyone has any experience.

My 3yo DD says she's a boy and has done for as long as I can remember. She has an older brother she adores, and I wonder if it's more idolisation of him (she even says she wants us to have another baby now, as she's the age her brother was when she was born, so that she can "be a big brother") or if there's actually something that might be gender-diverse for her.

She says she wants a short haircut like her brother but when I show her images of haircuts (for boys or girls), she doesn't want a boy cut but will pick something like a bob. She plays equally with boys and girls at nursery and has a variety of play interests (loads of pretend play, duplo, puzzles, play doh, outdoor play, but also lots of caretaking of animals and dolls, giving them bottles, breastfeeding them), and she does also model what her big brother does (he is very typically "boy," cannons, sword fighting etc.). Her clothes are mixed, she wants some old clothes of her brothers but also wants lots of pink and purple unicorns, rainbows, glitter (although refuses anything with frills or hearts!)

Has anyone gone through this? I sort of suspect that when she starts reception she might have more peer pressure and the glow of her big brother will fade a bit, but I also want to support her and let her know she is loved regardless.

Ley her have what she likes - nothing ever should be labelled as for boys-only.

Expose her more to cool female role models - Dora the Explorer, Moana, ‘Lioness’ footballers, Amelia Earhart, Rosie Revere - Engineer…

And don’t feel pressured to have another child because she wants a sibling. Tell her with a smile and confidence that this is her/ your family and it’s perfect the way it is.

You’re giving this far too much attention at age 3 - you need to be careful you don’t inadvertently cause your daughter to think she has thoughts that she doesn’t. Just say “oh okay” and move on.

Yes I would. Knowing anatomically correct terminology from early on helps keep kids safe. It removes ambiguity if ever a situation arises where a child needs to be asked about inappropriate behavior. This is not an uncommon viewpoint.

Whether MN is trans supportive or not is irrelevant. She is a 3 year old girl with a 3 year old’s imagination and she’s not “trans” at that age. The only way she’d become so is if you encouraged it

Another experienced mother telling a story of a child ages wirh yours who insisted she was an animal. For an entire summer she hopped because she was a rabbit. She now works in animal welfare but hasn’t grown a cotton tail

A) It's a body part, just like arms, eyes, toes.

B) if the worse was to happen to a small child wouldn't you prefer a 3 year old to be able to say he touched my vulva? He held my penis? Rather than he touched my Twinkie meaning the police then have to spend much longer asking questions to determine exactly what a bloody twinkie is?

Sounds like a normal 3 year old who
A) idolises her older brother
B) is learning how language works.

My niece only wants to wear clothes that were handed down from my boys. Why? Because her older cousins are the best people ever to have existed so why wouldn't she want their hand me downs.

My friend is expecting DC2. Her 3 year old has decided he's having a boy- sister because he doesn't her understand the difference between brother and sister. And they don't know what they're having.

Your DD knows that an older sibling is a "big brother" because that's what she has, so it's logical (to her) that that's what she'll be if you have a baby.

'Penis' and 'vagina' were the words I used when at three my DD asked 'I know I grew in you tummy but how did I get there?' I told her, factually, then she asked if she could have another biscuit. Small children don't judge words so using them accurately is a sensible thing to do.

I think you’re being ridiculous! What would you say if your three year old told you she was a dinosaur or a cat?! Mine identified as a cat for several months and used to drink like one. I didn’t spend months questioning it. Just laughed and said don’t be daft of course you’re not a cat!

You are completely overthinking this.

As you said, she idolises her brother and wants to be like him 🤷‍♀️ If you did a poll of the other 3 year olds at nursery then you’d get everything from Disney Princess to a puppy. It doesn’t mean she’s trans and you have to do anything differently. My dd had a bob at 3 as she hated hair brushing. When she got to Reception and saw the other girls with longer hair, she tolerated brushing much better and allowed me to brush it more frequently to keep it tangle free.

I have an older brother, I used to say the same. I'm a girl 😂

You could only believe this is a "trans" issue if you truly believe people can be born in the wrong sex body. And I don't think many people actually believe that - not really and truly.

Clothes and toys are for everybody, they have nothing to do with what sex you are. But it's normal for young children to start noticing they're a girl or a boy and the things that are typically associated with that, and exploring what that means, in their innocent childish way.

I was a cowboy when I was 3. I’m not anymore.

When I was five, I asked my dad if a man had ever had a baby. He replied: 'Well he'd be a very funny man if he had had.' A straight 'no' would have left me less confused.

Congratulations, as your name says you’re mum to a 3 yo. That’s literally all you’re ’going through’. My DD (single child) liked playing out stories and if there was an older male character that’s who she’d be. No idea why but she certainly didn’t identify in any way shape or form as an old man. 😂

"Mummy I'm a boy"
No you're not darling. Have a packet of chocolate buttons

Just let her pretend. Let her use a boy’s name if she wants. Children pretend to be all sorts of things. She’ll probably grow out of it. If she doesn’t, think about it more then.

Yes, they do. According to the NSPCC. That way there is no room for doubt when a child tells an adult something. Mummy’s boyfriend stroked my tuppence is ambiguous.

My 3 year old DD is exactly the same. Wants to have short hair, wear “boys uniform” when she starts school in September (I have told her girls can wear trousers and shorts too!) I think she is trying to emulate her older brother, my DS who is 7.

I’m 60 and still a Tomboy.
Silly outdated sex stereotypes are the problem here, not your daughter!

My very intelligent and NT Dd was absolutely insistent aged 3 that she was a dog.

It went on for over a year, sometimes she wouldn’t even talk to me, she would only bark. At one stage she wanted to eat her dinner from a bowl on the floor, which I facilitated!

I simply joined in the game for a while and then would say “ok, time to stop being a doggie now, we have to go to Grandma’s/ preschool etc).“

Your child is THREE. She is not a boy.

My three year old told me he was a digger, plane and cat today.

She's 3. At that age mine wanted to be all sorts. Dragons, ballerinas, dogs, .

Just let her be a child. Don't guide her down a path. Let her play pretend. Imaginative play is an important part of child development. Don't ruin that for her.

Best thing you can do is embrace the fact that gender is bollocks. She isnt a girl or boy based on whether she likes pink or blue, dolls or trains.

Don't buy into boys toys and girls toys bullshit.

Key messages:
You are perfect just as you are.
You can wear whatever style clothes you like.
You can play with whatever type of toys you like.
There are no girls things and boys things.
There are lots of ways to be a girl, your way is your way.

She'll figure it out in time.

This is coming from someone who has no prejudice against trans people at all. You're overthinking it. She is 3, my friends DD was convinced she was Moana when she was 3. Stay calm when she says it, don't make a big deal about it or over analyse it, just tell her she is a girl. Lots of children say things like this when they're little and it's probably just due to seeing the stereotypical boys/girls and preferring what is typical for the opposite sex.