Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

No, that is not the vibe I posted here thread with. Your man’s idea of hot might be different to my ex’s, and men I slept with.

Why is it repressed to want a man to be thinking of you while he’s sleeping with you??

If I was into casual sex and ONS's and it was nothing more than scratching an itch and who I was with didn't matter, I'd probably be OK. But I'm not.

It's not a flit tho, it's a fantasy. It's him actively imagining he's fucking someone else. And yes, I'd always be wondering if it was me or someone else that turned him on.

And I'm as baffled by women being OK that their husbands are using them as a hole to cum in while he thinks about fucking someone else.

It’s even more of a mood killer if he is thinking about someone else! A complete turn off.

Especially in a long term relationship, I’d be stunned if he wasn’t thinking about other people. Shows a disappointing lack of imagination tbh.

Well, many people do settle in some way: MN is great insight into how many women certainly do, because they say they did. And some of them might be fantasising about other men or women during sex; whilst some of them are just quietly thinking about the laundry or work whilst waiting for sex to be over; whilst others are just avoiding having sex with their partner as often as they can.

But from all your posts on the thread, it seems like you’ve had sex with three men and you’re confident that you know based on their behaviour and how you felt that they were thinking about you during sex. That’s great. So, just look for that confidence and feeling in future relationships, and let things continue for as long as you have it: and then when you reach a point where you think you can tell they’ve started not thinking about you, you can decide whether or not it’s something you want to break up over. There’s only really two options: you do that; or you just decide that a relationship isn’t for you and you’d rather stay single. Either is perfectly fine.

Some people are highly sexually attracted to their partner. And some people do keep it throughout their relationship. Of course everyone gets old, but by the time we’re old, in general our sex drives have decreased somewhat.

According to CurdinHenry it does. They say you start imagining other people because boredom sets in because a) the person you're with is not the person you are most sexually attracted to and b) they get old and saggy.

I don’t think it’s insecurity, I think it’s just a personal preference. You might think it’s impossible, but there must be some men out there who attracted enough to and want to be present with their gf/DW in bed.

OP I find your view very strange. I'm "conventionally" attractive, similar age to you, slim, hourglass figure etc and I don't care whatsoever if my DP fantasies about other people! I find my DP super attractive but I also find other men attractive and will fantasize about them sometimes - it's all just harmless fun - I don't really see a problem.

And that's great for you. But not everyone finds that appealing.

I don't think there is anything strange about wanting to be the one who turns your OH on during sex.

I don't really fantasise about anything while having sex, but I'm probably not the most representative man to ask.

I'm aphantasic, so can't picture anything at all in my head, so fantasising is a bit on the boring side. My fantasies are more like telling a story to myself, like reading erotic literature, as there's no pictures to go along with the words. And to be honest, that's hard work to focus on for not much gain when you're having sex.

I have however, thought about meal planning, holiday booking, where I'm going to find the money to fix the car etc. I've been with DP for 20 years, at two shags a week that's 2000 sexual encounters with the same person. Even with the best will in the world my minds going to wander a bit at times!

Yes - but even if it's your preference you'll never have any real way of knowing if your DP fantasies about other people or not, so why worry about it

That's just it. I won't know. So it's just easier to not have sex. I know there's a good chance he'll be thinking about someone else. I don't want to be made a fool of. I don't want to be used like that.

Yes naive and judgmental I'm afraid, along with a nice sprinkle of vanity ("I'm so attractive how could anyone not be 100% 'into me'?") It's fine if you don't fantasise during sex OP.

But no amount of being upset on here is going to make anyone else change. Or give you the power to read minds. So perhaps let it go.

Bloody hell that went from 0-100 😂

"I hate men’s capacity for things like this"

What an odd takeaway.

Do you hate women's capacity for it to? Cos it seems that only 2 men have posted on this thread and loads of women have and have said they sometimes fantasise about others during sex.

Do you feel sorry for my DP or all the husbands of the men on this thread too or is it just men you are disgusted by - even though both sexes do it?

Speak for yourself. I’m early 50s and my sex drive has never been higher. You are coming across as very ‘unworldly’ here. But you are young

This is the type of op who believes she really
knows and knows everything with her low experience. And is hot as fuck obviously so probably the women some peoples partners think about clearly. 🤣

I think it’s completely unrealistic to think that ever in an entire persons sex life will another person not once pop into their mind. Or an imagine of you but a better you.

I don’t want the only type of sex I ever have to be the type where we have to stare intensely into each others eyes and make love. I want to shag and fuck, I want quickies and sneaky in the laundry room I want kinky and filthy. Many times where I won’t be looking at my partners face or unable too.

I’m not going to give head staring into his eyes and frankly I’d find him trying to give eye contact while going down for desert very of putting.

Not all men like big tits…some prefer a fine arse instead

What a load of bull. DH is 63 and still has a pretty good body that I still fancy after 40 years and he’s still pretty good at it too 😁

The op and at your pleasure seem to be ignoring the fact that women have fantasies too.

This whole thread is starting to sound suspicious now.

Yeah but it's quite maladjusted I think (I know it is commonly used here).

Having read some of the post - I’m starting to think if men would answer honestly we’d be as shocked at the results as we were when we asked them “how often do you think about the Roman empire” (brilliant post was that)