Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

I just think it's a very repressed and naive attitude (or the attitude of someone who has never been with the same partner for more than a couple of months).

I didn't always think about the partner I was with. I would often fantasise about scenarios I'd read about or occasionally watched. I didn't think about anyone in particular though, it was more the scene and what people were doing.

That's your opinion that you are more than entitled to
I don't agree.

I think if that's what the OP and any other people in life want from their relationships then that's what they should aim for.

Just as someone who wants to role play, dress up, fantasise either together or alone should be allowed to do whatever suits them. But they should be honest and have open communication so if it's not what their partner wants they have the choice to not participate.

(or the attitude of someone who has never been with the same partner for more than a couple of months).

So what, after a few months you get bored of who you're with and think about others to get you off instead?

I’d be very surprised if they weren’t thinking about someone else, especially in a long term relationship. I guess some people suffer from a lack of imagination!

You cannot control what anyone thinks about!

And there’s a difference between:

A fleeting thought of someone else when something feels good and fantasising
vs
being not attracted to your partner and unable to have sex with them properly.

It’s more sad that some people obsessed with these things. How can you maintain a relationship like this?

‘Husband I need to know, were you thinking about another woman?’ - I mean it’s a bit of a mood killer (at best) and completely unnecessary unless there was an actual reason to be upset like cheating.

Agreed. And I don't think it's naive to want my partner to want me and think about me during sex or at least be focused on the sex itself.

I don't think its naive to not want my partner to look at the woman next door and think "she's hot. Next time I fuck my wife I'm going to imagine it's her I'm inside"

But I'm not naive enough to think it's possible.

I'll repeat my earlier question @Missenger We know all that. But we can't understand how people can be OK with it.

Are you really saying you're OK knowing that while you're enjoying your partner, while you're focusing on pleasing him, there's a good probability that he's going down on you imagining it's the woman 2 doors down, your best friend or sister?

I think in a relationship it's best not to ask questions you might not like the answer to. People are allowed privacy in their own heads.

Rubbish, he can be into you/all over you and very much fantasise about other women. I know, because I have felt this way about boyfriends and all sorts has gone through my head.

Its not something I’ve ever questioned becausr im with a nice man and made to attractive etc.

I say this as someone who’s had body dysmorphia and been upset about things like porn but you can literally never control this unless you remain single or prevent your partner from ever masturbating.

I agree with this, not thinking about anyone / anything, and I suspect men are the same.

When they are masturbating, however, I think they are probably thinking about other women. And I don’t like it. But nothing I can do about it.

We know we can't control it. We're not looking to.

Now you know that as much as he makes you feel attractive he could still be picturing your best friend, that doesn't upset you in anyway?

And yes, for me the only way is to stay single.

@Catullus5 says he's thought about having sex with lots of other women while having sex with his wife so clearly not just focusing on the act itself.

Exactly…and that fantasy might not include my husband 😁

Oh. Ok well that’s disappointing but I guess I’m not surprised.

I hate men’s capacity for things like this.

How sad for @Catullus5’s wife, although from the sounds of it my husband is probably thinking about other women as well then. Yuck.

I can’t really understand it tbh. What’s wrong with the woman there with you? Why do you have to pretend she’s someone else?

Bluntly, yes. Most people are not in a relationship with the person they're most sexually attracted to (because sexual attraction isn't the only thing that matters in a relationship). Even if they start out that way each partner gets old and saggy. There are only so many body parts and positions.

I mean the really horrifying thought is how many of our colleagues and acquaintances might feature us in their sexual fantasies if you think about it 🤣

I’d love to feature in other peoples fucking. The thought of it is hot

You are reading into my post and possibly projecting? I haven’t put down any other woman.

You are putting women with smaller boobs down, however. And not all men are boob men 🤣

"Bluntly, yes. Most people are not in a relationship with the person they're most sexually attracted to" - so there you go. There's the answer folks - your partner is thinking about someone else because you're now old and saggy and he's got bored. And to top it off - you're not the person he was most sexually attracted to in the first place. Though I do agree there's more to a relationship than just sexual attraction.

Technically you could use that reasoning for physical cheating.

There are only so many body parts and positions.

The person you're fantasising about has the same body parts and is capable of the same positions. It'll still be boring.

Also, are you basically saying that you think if a man sleeps with a woman with smaller breasts, he needs to imagine larger ones? What if he happens to think the woman he’s in bed with is really hot as she is? 💁🏼‍♀️

You'd rather not have sex because you can't be sure he'd be thinking of someone else?

Wow that's some insecurity there.

Fair enough not to have sex or to not want it but because you can't bear the thought the man may have someone else flit through his mind you'd rather not do it is baffling.

Calm down…?

Nor do I see it as sacred - I’m not religious at all. I just think it’s a huge turnoff (and a bit pointless bothering with) if the man is just going to keep imagining different women instead of the one he’s actually with, and presumably has chosen to be with? Unless he’s settled in some way.

I used DTD because it’s shorter than writing ‘whilst having sex’.