Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

It's an unattractive quality to ask people a question and then to purposefully and repeatedly ignore their answers and (pretend?) not to understand.

No.

Someone who is truelly attracted to you would still maybe think about other women

It’s not Romeo and Juliet…is that what you’re basing your idea of love on?

I never felt the slightest bit jealous because I knew he thought my body and bum etc etc were the best ever!!

Because he told you?

Thinking about other women during sex though?

And no of course I don’t believe Romeo and Juliet is real life.

Ah it’s in the word “truly”

I don’t really know what that means to you

your very niave of you think a long term relationship will involve never being attracted to other people

I haven’t ignored her answers?

It does sound like that’s your benchmark for relationships - something magical

in reality they are hard work, take conscious effort and decisions to commit to it and go the distance

Have you not seen that episode of Friends where the guys discuss this exact issue?

I didn’t say never attracted to other people, although your partner ideally would be your ‘number one’ so to speak.

My question was about thinking of others during sex.

Maybe this depends on your own internal assessment of what “enough” means, and how you establish that. Do you have good friends, who you can speak openly with, and who will be unguarded and open and honest with you about their lives and boundaries and relationships? You say that you’re 30; I learned the most about myself between 29-39, and a lot of that was speaking with other women, in person, who I liked and respected, non-adversarially, wanting interest and perspective rather than challenge.

No I haven’t seen much of Friends

It’s a combination of attention, words and actions I guess

Can't tell if OP is just in denial from placing so much weight on her own attractiveness and self-worth being measured by how much men want to "do" sex to her... or if she's just trying to neg the rest of us (we can't be as attractive as her if we'd allow this. Our partners just aren't "fully" attracted nor are we to them).

Couldn't be just, for example, that people like different things! Especially when it comes to sex, bloody hell.

I wouldn’t say magical, I just would like a strong physical attraction.

Maybe I am better suited to being single; nobody there to make me feel insecure.

The one with the princess Leah fantasy?

OP should watch the one where Rachel and Ross get together and they contrast her telling her girlfriends about the kiss and Ross telling the boys 😂😂

In this context, sex, enough for me means he’s very attracted to me and during sex doesn’t need to think of others.

So you would feel insecure and not enough?

please don’t let men be the judge of that - you are

I think it’s the first as she said it would lead to her being insecure - I think she’s trying to explain it would affect her self worth

OP you need to love yourself first 😍

You've ignored basically everyone on here who disagrees with you and just keep repeating stuff like "oh so everyone has to do this every single time??" (Noone said that) "I like people who are truly attracted to me" (no shit we all do) "I would be able to tell" (no you wouldn't)

Yes you're probably right. And placing way too much value on what she offers men sexually. And on sex generally (if you don't have it you're just housemates you know). I agree, learn to love yourself OP you'll have way more fun!

Ofcourse, he'd never lie right?

He could be all over you because you remind him of someone else?

But you cannot know or stop it even of this is a red line for you. You cannot know!

What’s more important is that the guy is attracted to you in general, that he cares for you, that he’s faithful and committed to you, that you both enjoy the sex…

Not what he may or may not be thinking about during sex. This kind of thought process is not helpful in a relationship and has got to be based on insecurity in oneself or in the relationship.

I used to feel the whole ‘truly attracted’ stuff because I felt threatened (by attraction to other women/body types) and not good enough and would always be a consolation prize.

teh fact that you have to love yourself sounds cliched but it’s so very true

No I’m not trying to neg anyone and I’m not sure why you’re reading that into my post. I just said I would be unhappy (completely turned off and disgusted, to be honest), by the idea of a man thinking of other women during sex. Other women on here have said him fantasising wouldn’t bother them. We differ in opinion, and that’s fine.

I also said that I think I’ve been good at only choosing the men who were attracted to me, and not saying yes to anyone. That isn’t saying that I think every single man out there likes me? I think some posters here are projecting.