Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

Why are you so reluctant to answer? 😂

Exactly - attraction isn’t just skin deep and me constantly rate confidence as the key thing that attracts them

I'm a woman, married, discuss sex with other women with my husband in bed sometimes cos it's hot. He's not the first man I've found enjoys this.

Yeah, I’ve had similar thought processes as op (if you’re going to be attracted to x [that I don’t have] then why are you with me + I need a man who’s fully attracted to me only). But it came from body dysmorphia and insecurity.

But when you’re in a secure relationship you’re not questioning what the other person is thinking or who they’re attracted to. It doesn’t even cross your mind, you’re just enjoying it.

So you don't care if he's thinking about your sister or best friend or the woman next door?

Yes but sorry to say it men are also visual and want someone they find physically attractive too. I agree you need to have an emotional bond too fir a relationship.

What’s my name?? what’s my name??? 🤣🤣

Maybe that’s why men like women to call their name. Make sure they are thinking of them.

I don’t see what’s wrong with the wanting your partner to be fully attracted to you and I don’t think that this alone is body dysmorpia.

I could not be enjoying it, and I’d actually want to jump up and get dressed, if he was just imagining Jane down the road or whoever.

There was a post in Relationships last week where the husband had said his SiLs name just after sex. Something along the lines "God name, that felt amazing". I'm pretty sure his wife would have preferred he said her name and not her sisters!

...no

I wasn't asking you.

Ouch. I’m glad I don’t have sisters… well ones I have in my life. My dad was a whore.

Your thinking is way too black and white - they are not only visual is the key - we are all visual to some degree

when I’m ovulating I’m highly visual too - could do it with the next man that knocks at the door if he has great arms

all sorts of things attract people - you are making your world very small with your black and white thinking

you don’t have to lower the bar - go for what you want it’s out there

Meh, couldn't really careless.

I sometimes think about others, real life people and fantasies.

I don't think it really matters as long as neither party would actually cheat

I saw that thread and felt sorry for the OP

I'm telling you plenty of women don't care and some are positively disposed

What do you mean by "fully attracted to you" though?

Like that's going to happen.

Noone is going to ask. Noone is going to say "you must only think of me". It doesn't mean we can't prefer it that way.

But the 'preference' is irrelevant because you'll never know. So you can either pretend it could never/will never happen to you, or you can accept that it might, and it has nothing to do with whether you are "enough". Either is a legitimate approach. Getting all upset on mumsnet is probably unhelpful though.

And some aren't.

I daresay but if the market offers women who don't mind the women who do are probably at a disadvantage.

No need to get angry, and call others dense. I have never said I can ‘read minds’, but sometimes actions do speak for themselves. What is the probably that a man who seems very present and all over you is actually just pretending? If you want to say it’s likely then fine, but I’m not sure most men are that great at acting in the throes of it.

I also don’t think that mentioning being young is ageist. What’s irking you here? Priorities obviously change as we age.

FFS, I know I'll never know. I'm.not good with pretending so pretending it doesn't happen wouldn't work for me. And neither will accepting that I'm not the one turning him on.

So single it is.