Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

As a generalisation it may be more true of women than men but I think it's also true of very many men. I've never been at all interested in sex with someone I don't have an emotional connection with and when DW and I have had issues (during our long marriage) my sex drive has nosedived. But I think that's completely separate to the subject of this thread.

I agree with Tableforjoan's post.

Glad to hear this

there are all sorts of men and women

I'll let @saunalove answer that one if she's willing 🙂

Maybe I’m not expressing myself well. I think high physical attraction initially is a must but for a long term relationship of course the emotional side needs to be there. But you can’t know someone well when you first meet them; that takes time. You might think you know them, feel as though you do, but you can’t really. It probably takes a good few years to really know someone.

Insuppose what I’m trying to say is that the emotional grows after and with the physical.

Would it be sad if a woman is visualising some other man whilst having sex with her husband?

well, yes, I think it would be. In the same way it’s sad for the wife when the husband thinks about someone else.

I said in my previous post that i don’t like - but can understand - men thinking about other women while they are masterbating. Well, not understand, but I can accept it even though I don’t like it and it makes me feel inadequate and jealous.

But actually during sex? Why would you need to do that? There’s a naked woman (or man) right there with you, why would you need to be thinking about somebody else? Is the real life person you are with not exciting enough?

At the risk of sounding like a total prude, which I am not, I just feel it’s between two people. Why can’t that be enough?

You can never really know someone - look at the Pelicots.

Because it isn't. Sorry.

I'd prefer to hear from you.

True I was speaking in general How long have you been married?

On the contrary I think we find our match - this can be destructive as well as positive

we find the people we need - we choose people unconsciously to help us play out familiar patterns - just matters whether they are good or bad patterns - 90% of all communication is non verbal

have you ever heard the thinking that we marry our fathers? I consciously looked for someone different for me as my dad wasn’t great

anyway best of luck in your search!!!!

I think that's very sad.

If one person isn't enough then just stay and shag around all you want?

Are you OK with you or your OH physically cheating?

Not enough for everyone? How do you know?

Or they might as well just stick to their OF/airbrushed social media content or porn and their hand. After all, any woman they’re with won’t be enough. Might as well stay with their thoughts 😂

I think it all boils down to preference and life style in a sense.

I have a life many would hate.

I met my husband at 15 and despite being underage at the point had still had sexual experience much to the dismay of others. Some which I now see looking back on was grooming.

Again as much as I’m going to horrify some people I actually met up with my now dh as I was horny and wanted sex purely, yes at 15 he was meant to be a one night stand.

Do I think now in my mid to late 30’s we are the same people with the same fire like sexual desire at all times no. But there are times every month where we would rip off each other’s clothes just a hall way away from a group of people.

But I don’t doubt that on occasion he has likely thought of others.

I won’t ever be that woman who goes not my Nigel, not my John he doesn’t have time to cheat because ultimately we only ever know the side of a person they decide to show us.

Maybe I am a pessimist or maybe I am a realist.

What is your situation? Are you a man? Married?

So when having sex you imagine your wife is someone else?

Is this because you don’t find her attractive / exciting enough? Or would she never be enough regardless of how hot she was?

This is so true. OP (who I think is just pretending to be dense at this point) seems to see life in a binary of "man is 'into' attractive women enough = mind will never wander" versus "man isn't 'into' woman/ she isn't 'enough' so he 'has to' think of others".

I agree with you anyway. Although I think if you ask a man irl the answer you get will be much more based on how well they think you'll take the truth, rather than being reliable data...

I'm sad that some people on here have so little self worth (or perhaps lack of realism) that they think if a man finds another woman attractive, it means they are not "enough". It's fine not to be the most attractive woman in the world. 4.2 or so billion of us are in that boat with you 😂

@Catullus5 ... I don't know what my DW is thinking. Would it be sad for me if she was visualising some other man?

Well, would it?

saunalove didn't answer whether you thought it would be sad for you if your wife was visualising some other man. Can you?

Not quite as long as you've been alive 😂

Sorry OP - I just had to come back and say your strategy is much less likely to end in what you want

selecting someone who is just physically attracted to you is risky and they are far more likely to move on after a little while once that dulls - as none of your relationship will be built on attraction to each other as a person - it so pot luck and unlikely to hold - hoping for the emotional to follow is like an arranged marriage to me where you grow the love - you don’t need to do that

go for someone you are feeling emotionally connected to and physically attracted to as a person from the get go - that’s the key

I'll have to answer later. Just off to work!

Yes!

im so glad I pulled my husband In my wellingtons!

I’ve also learnt that some of the people I think are the most lovely family men with genuinely lovely and attractive wives still try and find their way into my inbox and messages.

Men you’d never think of those pillar of the community family man men. I don’t want them. I don’t cheat. But I get the offers. The asks.

Im no oil painting. I’ve gained weight after children and I’ve never been a girly girl with a face full of make up and nails done. Im more a homestead farmer type. But those men despite their lovely homes and genuinely lovely wives still come looking and it is sickening.

Victorias secrets models get cheated on and so does the girl next door.

There are many women who are found attractive though. And different men have different types.

Wanting a partner to find you attractive is not unrealistic or dense imo. Especially not when you are both young.

A simple yes or no wouldn't take long to type!

It would have taken less time than "I'll have to answer later. Just off to work!" 😁

Anyway. I'll look forward to your response.