Do 99% of men think about someone else while DTD?

[Salsa2026]

Just that really. Lots of people, here and in general say things like, “all men fantasise about other women during sex at the very least sometimes”. And when I say all I really mean the vast majority, as there can always be an exception to everything.

If it’s true I think it’s quite grim tbh and makes me glad I’m not in a relationship. I’d want a man to be all about me 🤣

Yes I do need that, I like a man to be attracted. The emotional can and does follow later. If there isn’t the physical attraction, it isn’t a romantic relationship you may as well just be friends.

By that measure is there is no emotional it’s just fuck buddies.

You need both and it’s the emotional side that keeps you together in hard times not how attractive you are.

I want both. But I can’t be into a man who isn’t to me.

Yes I think it begins with attraction and then the emotional side develops with time.

Omg you don’t need romance!! It’s a fallacy - you said you didn’t care about that stuff

I’ve had the most great loves - no silly romance - in fact the one who did romance couldn’t do the grown up bits

I would argue the emotional and physical coincide

if your sleeping with a man who is just physically attracted to you it won’t be lasting long

Yes in an arranged marriage perhaps

generally the emotional is in there - That’s my experience anyway

True but that’s ok if I’m not looking for a long term relationship at that moment. Not everything has to ‘last long’. The emotional connection develops with time as well, it’s not there from the moment you meet

For some people they can’t have sex till the emotional side is already there.

Attraction will change over time though.

If your husband suddenly gains 30lb you might not be as sexually attracted to him but still love him and have sex with him.

Your husband might not like pregnancy sex but loves you and will still do it because he enjoys sex with you in general and loves you.

Then your husband might lose those 30lbs and you are no longer pregnant and hazar everything is back to how it was.

He might go bald you could get sick. Life happens.

Ups and downs. And if you cannot take the downs you don’t deserve the ups. Life is a rollercoaster at times and a calm sea at others.

Let me tell you - some!

Maybe some emotions are there at the start but you can’t truly know and be attached to someone who you’ve only known for weeks or even months.

This isn’t the point of the thread (sorry) but I don’t get the concept of “thinking about someone” while having sex?

I think those who need the emotional side for sex are probably mainly women.

And yes as people age and go through illness of course attraction can change, but doesn’t our perception change with age too? Some people say they don’t ‘see’ the ageing in their partner, even if it is objectively there.

For me receding hairlines don’t make a man instantly unattractive but maybe I’m rare.

Very good question and I actually think it’s very pertinent to the thread. Where do all these men summon the energy and the imagination to be playing a movie of their favourite Onlyfans subscription in their head while in bed with their girlfriends? 😂

Mmmm

so you are happy to go on lust but the man must only be thinking of you 🤔

Oh gosh - I’d say easily

I truly wouldn't assume that. People differ. I think I have an active imagination and I visualise things easily. This isn't just true for sex.@ComtesseDeSpair 's posts describe it quite well.

I don't know what my DW is thinking. Would it be sad for me if she was visualising some other man? We certainly feel very present to each other when we have sex. And I wouldn't rifle through her thoughts any more than I'd go though her phone.

Well yeah if the man is on lust? As most re when they first meet someone.

Sadly, you have to face facts that a lot of blokes just want to get their leg over and will happily admit that a woman was, “no looker but a decent shag” or “it was getting late and the club was emptying, my mate had pulled and I didn’t want to leave on my own”.

Ever heard of Butterface? It means “body not too shabby but her face… (insert horrible comment here)”

I don't know what my DW is thinking. Would it be sad for me if she was visualising some other man?

Well, would it?

And that’s exactly what I want to swerve 😂

Yes of course I’ve heard all of that. And I’d hate to be that consolation prize woman at the end of the night.

by meeting a man Purely on lust…you will both just be interested in the sex - so yeah you might just think of each other whilst it lasts

at the end of the day that will wear off and the what

Well, if we get along and connect emotionally it might develop into a relationship. If not, then not. I want the physical attraction at the start, and I think most people do. The emotional connection develops over time if you’re compatible in that way.

Well surely if you like or feel a need to visualise other women while having sex with your wife, then you should feel fine about her thinking of other men?

Mmmm this is not my experience and it sounds a very low bar - im
confused - you don’t want a man that thinks of anyone else but you and are prepared to start on physical attraction only..just sex and hope it developes - it seems a very low bar and quite sad

go and get what you want - but relying on someone being very very attracted to you on physical stuff only as an indicator of something developing is tits up to me (excuse the pun)

for me long term relationships it was there at the start - that’s why we were drawn to each other over others

im confused so I think a potential partner would be too