Unsettled with DH’s disclosure of income

[ParisianLady]

I will firstly acknowledge that this is a good problem to have but it has been on my mind. I know I might get flamed but I can’t talk to anyone in real life about this.

Essentially I asked my DH the other day what he earned/made last year, and the answer was much higher than I expected. He doesn’t even know the exact number and went off to find out.

We have a really very nice life, 3 kids at private school, lovely house, lovely holidays where we fly premium or business, parties for friends and no money worries. I grew up in a more modest environment so this is wonderful and I know how lucky we are.

I work full time in a really stressful job for my own enjoyment but it is well paid and I enjoy having my ‘own’ money and sense of achievement. I do the usual frugal and sensible things like buy second hand school uniform, buy big packets of meat and split them, put the dishwasher on at night on the cheaper rate, shop of bargains. But I will fairly spend freely on things we need or just want.

My DH recently asked if I could pay for some building work, and when we needed a new car I bought it myself (and was proud and happy to do that). He’s generous but it felt fair for me to pay for these things myself.

Somehow if feels a dishonest by omission of him not to have said what his business was making. I knew it was successful but am just shocked. Not that it materially changes our nice life but why did I pay for the building work for example?

He isn’t hiding anything, he just didn’t think it was worth mentioning and I didn’t ask. But it just doesn’t sit right. Does anyone have any advice apart from ‘talk to him about it’. It’s made me re-evaluate lots of our recent decisions

You can set them up, they’re just taxable.

So how does that help then? What’s the point?

Oh come on! We all know limited companies hide a load of money away and can pay themselves pitiful salaries.

Suggest you look at both your income tax returns to see if there’s things that could be done - eg have you ,’working ‘ for the business. You’d see how much he made from that

@ParisianLady well it sounds little more than you realising that there was a financial blind spot and it all sounds very healthy that you are both talking about it so you're no longer accidentally in the dark. I feel anxious for people that either don't share finances or at least the info about exactly what each has. We have always had a joint account since we left university. I had an unexpected inheritance, i.e. not from my parents, and put 1/3 in the joint account and 1/3 each in personal accounts for my partner and myself - the first time we had had our own money! Over the years each of us has been the main stay at home parent while the other worked and also times when one earned twice what the other earned - it's been very even overall and a bit unusual I suppose - hence the commitment to fully shared finances - life doesn't always stay the same - unexpected things happen - we've been through multiple redundancies, seriously ill children, caring responsibilities for ageing parents, an inheritance, etc. so I think those types of things are worth thinking about.

There’s various ways in which it “helps” not relevant to the discussion, the point was simply that the school fees may not be coming directly out of his salary.

Did I not just read that OP herself is on £400K per year? I’m struggling to think just how vulnerable that is…

Bloody hell. Not often I think an OP is dim but is this one dim or just a wind up? Didn’t you ever wonder where private school fees for three kids were coming from? The private school fees fairy? And flying business class? Does that not strike you as ‘mmm we must have money’. I’m calling wind up. No one married with three kids apparently working isn’t that dim.

Just read all of the @ParisianLady posts. Proper wind up. Nice one tho.

When people are married with kids, surely it's not a question of my money and his/her money-it's all primarily for the kids, and then whatever is best for the adults, so the money belongs to both of you equally?

Surely you've been completely negligent as a director to stay so uniformed?

Really? Care to tell us how it helps? The point was it might not be coming out of his dividends (doubt it’s salary), but how it helps is why anyone would set up such a vehicle. Think what you mean is, no one would.

Also, if both are shareholders, all shareholders have to get the same level of dividends (unless different classes of share which is unusual in the set up the op is describing).

And, share income won't "mess up your PAYE", you simply declare it. And the first £500 is tax free so why wouldn't you at least get that?

It’s called alphabet shares and perfectly common, if you know what you’re doing.

I know what I'm doing, and in my view in the set up the op describes it would be fairly unusual.

It doesn't really matter what it's called for the purposes of my point.

Your post also doesn't actually make sense, why would what it's called make it common?

And there would be zero point to it as they are the only directors/shareholders. Well, the only point to it would be to restrict her returns of course.

Bore off, some people have real problems to worry about

I know exactly how much everything costs within our household and where the money comes from. I was always taught to be like this. I've seen so many women get into trouble because they have no idea what there husband's are doing with there household finances, risky investments, tax dodging, not planning for the future. You need to educate yourself and then you'll know if your contributions are fair and that your household income is protected.

I just wanted to add an answer from a different perspective. If your husband runs his own business, which it sounds like he doss

OP you've said you are a director in the business and later that you aren't. This is something you should be really clear on because you have responsibilities as a director and 'oh I let the accountants deal' isn't fulfilling it. At best you've been incredibly naive and you need to fix that. This isn't just about family budgeting it's a lot your legal responsibilities. I'm really struggling to see how someone with such a senior job themselves would lack the awareness that being a director means something ....

You should both know how much the business is bringing into the house, with a yearly cash flow and financial forecast. Atm you are lucky it was more than what you both anticipated but where businesses fail is when they don't notice a downward trend. Has he accounted for end of year tax etc. It sounds like he himself is not keeping an eye on things and needs 2 to 4 catch up a year with his accountant. Good on him for being successful at what he is doing though.

OP I'm similar re not knowing for sure full financial situation of house. My husband earns plenty/a lot I earn enough to keep me tipping by. We are not stuck for money so I don't analyse income/outgoing.
On 2nd hand that is sustainable living Im all for that too it is got to do with helping planet for next generations. Can't have the norm if you have money buy new stuff. Everyone needs to do their bit and clothes is a great place to start.

Hmmm…
You are on 400k

Yet your husband tops up your pension? With your mighty 10k allowance?

And your DH is diverting his LLP drawings into a limited company to avoid tax and you had no idea about the restrictions and strict regulations on this, recently much stricter, despite being a company director?

You have no contact with family accountant/ wealth manager despite having plenty of money of your own to invest (surely you can’t be spending it all on second hand uniform) and completing a self-assessment return?

Either this is (I really hope not) not a ‘nice problem to have’ or it’s a great wind up, and you had lots of people going 😆

You have a good life so enjoy it and stop trying to find something to moan about. 3 sets of fees will amount to a lot. Why shouldn't you contribute to the building works? Aren't you a joint owner of the property?

Salary/dividends it could be coming out of either.

It’s not uncommon to set up trusts to pay multiple school and/or uni fees. For 3 kids through private school alone you’re looking at around a million - it can be useful to have a separate fund. It’s more tax advantageous for grandparents, but there are advantages for parents as well - chiefly a layer of legal protection ring-fencing the funds from financial difficulties/business failure/bankruptcy or divorce or death of the parents - in which case it’s ring-fenced from IHT as well.

I always find it incredible that you can share one’s life with someone, be so intimate, have children together but not know what your husband earns? Bonkers.