Uncomfortable situation involving adult child's partner

[TenTenTenAgain]

My adult son has been with his gf for 4 years. She is from another country and is here on a student visa. They live together.

I've met her 3 times in 4 years , she is always invited to family gatherings but frequently refuses for various reasons. I feel like I don't know her and only recently learned her real name , she uses an English name due to pronunciation issues. The last time I saw her she was very rude , she shamed my son and mocked him about his job. He works ft and earns an average wage for a young man of his age.

They've asked me to sign a letter stating that they live together as a married couple for her new visa , as she's no longer a student. And put pressure on me to do so within a few hours. I said that I needed more information and asked her some questions , the last one of which was about how she sees the future with my son. She didn't respond and apparently phoned my son shouting about me being rude and throwing accusations at her. She then blocked me on social media.

My son sent me an apology message , but said that the pair of them have lots to talk about because of what has happened.

I'm confused and concerned. Has anyone been in a similar situation and what did you do?

I really don't think her visa application relies so heavily on having a letter from me. The evidence regarding their housing and finances is much more important and they have that in place according to my son. And surely they've asked a few people to write letters for them , I can't be the only one that they've visited or socialised with.

What I'm saying is that I'm not nearly as important to this process as some think I am. I wouldn't have the ability to play God even if I wanted to.

Where are you getting shouting like a fish wife from?! OP says the partner stopped responding (so I assume they were conducting this over text message or email) and then spoke to OP’s son about it.

I wouldn’t sign something just because the other party is an adult. I would need to be comfortable with what I was signing. I don’t understand this logic at all.

Can you write something along the lines of ; Mrs woman cohabitated, for 4 years with my son, Mr Man, while she was studying. I believe that they are in a relationship. I have met her 3 times across the past 4 years.

It’s factual, to the point. You have not lied.

To be honest, from reading the thread, if a person had shamed my DC publicly, I might have asked a couple of questions if I was expected to sign something that was legally binding. You are a parent and I am not sure that I would just sign something like that without quite a bit of thought, especially as she is not close to the family.

I am surprised at the number of people who would lie and sign a legal document stating something untrue

Especially for someone who is rude and obnoxious and gets mad if you ask a single question

But there again she sounds like someone who has never heard the word no

She shouted at the OPs son and then blocked the OP on social media

Don't sign OP. I suspect the gf's from South Korea. <taps nose>

No it wasn't. They are claiming to live together as a married couple, yet somehow are very bashful about anyone asking if they are actually going to be a married couple.

Not odd at all!!

Absolutely!

No wonder we're in the mess we're in.

You're supposed to help validate fraud and not even dare to ask any questions because that would be rude...jeez. Some very odd attitudes on here.

Even OP is getting this second hand.

If she’s been communicating with the partner over social media messaging about her intentions towards her son, I don’t really blame the partner for blocking.

I’m not saying the partner sounds delightful, but I don’t know why people are assuming worse of the partner than OP has said, and that OP is a poor slighted angel of a woman. Other than one is foreign and one is not.

Don't let it bother you so much ,I believe your son knows you better and he will definitely see you are looking out for his best interest. You all should stop blaming her for asking because clarity is needed for her to sign and if the intentions are good and he loves your son then it shouldn't have been a problem to answer.

Indeed. I remember my DH’s parents asking questions when we rented our first flat together and then again when he got a mortgage on his first flat (I signed a doc to state I understood I have no claim, at the request of the solicitor anyway). Once we were married, they never asked about things like who’s put the biggest deposit or ring-fenced any gifts towards the house as we were, by then, an established recognised couple. But then, I saw them/visited/had them come to stay loads so they never had any doubts we were ‘living as though married’ before or after our wedding.

Oh, dear God.....🙄

Do you not know what context is?

Is she from China? There’s a cultural habit of teasing your close friends, perhaps she was joking ( about his job ) and you took it the wrong way?

If she is using this document to lie to the immigration authorities about her status and relationship you're very wise to not get involved, since you could be implicated in trying to defraud the UK immigration system. No doubt she will find some way to weasel her way into staying, but you don't need to be a part of it.