Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

[Dappy777]

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

I am so sorry but I am laughing at this. Makes my very decent hole puncher look normal. If you need to, my suggestion for this over enthusiastic stationery collecting, is to offer it on the local freebies site. Someone will either need or love this!

.....and yet you keep retyping the image.

I do hope the friends were able to spend time together before or in her care home.

Sorry, I see now. I agree they shouldn't be counted in cheating stats, I understand why she put that.

Yes, I'm bi & lesbian sites do get these creeps. I hope at least some of the time they get another man! Sadly there have been catfishing cases where women sent images etc or texted for longer...

Yes, it's so ageist! How will these posters feel when they get old? I thunk people also forget that older generations may have been less open about sex but that doesn't mean they weren' interested behind closed doors.

Also, I've read enough threads over the years to confirm that many men lie about their marital status and tell women they're single when they're not.

You don't have to be the executer if you don't want to and you don't need to clear the house, especially if it won't be yours.

I can tell you straight that chatgpt is talking out of its arse. It has no ability to say "I dunno, I don't really understand the question or how to answer it." I see the death of historical accuracy from this lazy reliance on AI. It's most definitely NOT research.

Nb I'm a historian..a seperate specific area but with some knowledge of both Soviet female soldiers and German female camo guards amongst other general background knowledge. Women like Grese weren't uncommon in the Kz and were notably sadistic.

WTF! You don't come across as very bright.

My point is, no-one knows until they know that their partner, their husband, their brother, their son, their father, their grandfather, their great-grandfather is a pervert, a rapist, or a pedophile.

Or, for that matter, their neighbour, their priest, their pastor, their vicar, their local bishop, their local constituent, their greengrocer, their newsagent.

Nobody walks around with a sign on their front.

i think some dont like to think that females can be as bad or worse than males when given power to rule or command etc

https://www.historytoday.com/archive/history-matters/irma-grese-and-female-concentration-camp-guards

I agree, ageist, but I think a lot of us are accepting that we know it's ageist but nevertheless are surprised by it.
It's okay not to be perfect

linking to Nazi walk criminals is not relevant

I haven't told the story about clearing my Great-Uncle Friedrich's apartment yet.

But the person didn’t know , they aren’t named?

Thankfully the Nazi goose step never caught on.😁

Not victim shaming but telling her that her generalising comment is wrong.

Good for them☺️. Gives a bit of hope to the rest of us.

About thirty years ago ( I’m pretty old!) a friend was clearing her great, great aunts house.
The aunt was known to have a fabulous collection of jewellery gifted to her by her various husbands.
She’d been a notable socialite in her time and wore this jewellery extensively.
The jewellery was nowhere to be found during the clearance until a collection of fur coats was removed and a tinkling sound was heard.
All her jewellery had been sewn into the hems of these coats, probably her way of hiding it but it amused my friend no end.

Thank goodness she found them and didn't just donate the coats to the charity shop!

I think this poster said that the presents weren't even opened though.

Yes, I was thinking this and agree a bit. To open a present from someone you might have a conflicted relationship with might feel like giving in somehow, like they own you in some way. There's more to this than meets the eye because if she didn't want the presents at all she'd have thrown them out or sent them to the local charity shop or something presumably.

Perhaps by keeping them wrapped up and in the cupboard it felt like a way for her to feel superior to the other person, so it might have helped.

I have something to offer that might relate to this thread.

After my parents died, some years apart, we didn't find anything much incriminating of the kind talked about here, thank goodness. Though I could find and scan a sheet my sister recently unearthed about health insurance Mum took out for me, painstakingly noting the pros and cons of each deal, what you would get if I lost a thumb, or a toe, and so on, laboriously written out in pencil. I've also mentioned the frustrating number of uncashed share dividend cheques.

I have unearthed a camera film, possibly from the 1980s. Should I get it developed? Would it have deteriorated? It would be my dad's. What would be on there? Dad did have this other side of him, and I am wondering in a bored, speculative way, what kind of stuff might be on the film and if so, would I get into trouble or be compromised by it?