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Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

685 replies

Dappy777 · 26/04/2026 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
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TheFarmatLittletown · Yesterday 10:17

PrettyDamnCosmic · 27/04/2026 17:02

Ah, the old “women do it too” gambit. Yes, some women do have affairs and flings. But proportionally, at a lot lower rate than men.

How do the numbers stack up then? It takes two to tango so surely for every cheating man there must be a cheating woman? Unless you are saying that there are smaller numbers of cheating women but they double up & service proportionately larger numbers of cheating men.

A cheat can cheat with someone who is single. Or someone who thinks the cheat is single.

Gloriousgardener11 · Yesterday 11:04

MrsCarmelaSoprano · Yesterday 09:21

Thank goodness she found them and didn't just donate the coats to the charity shop!

They were a bit moth eaten and were about to be burnt in the garden because there was definitely some kind of pest infestation in the fur.

Viewfromthewindow · Yesterday 11:16

@PiriPiriMenopause Did you ever have an ADHD assessment?

I wa born a girl, not a boy my mum had longed for for 12 years of trying. She was pretty much done with me from that moment on. My dad had me to keep her happy. How people feel about us is no way a reflection of how we should feel about ourselves. I hope you have realised this and made some peace with it.

I dread the day my uncle passes away. He has a child most of our family know about, except his wife and children, who is the product of an affair. His wife of many years is a very proud, upper class woman, along with their two children.
The time is coming as he's elderly now. Their whole lives would be pulled apart. The affair child, who is now a fully grown man and dad himself, is known to some of us, yet at his mums request doesn't know we're related. He is nothing like his half siblings, and I worry what kind of response his siblings would have towards him, should they ever find out.
Will his mum decide to say something. Will she take the secret of who his father is to her grave too. My uncle is a wealthy man, who got her pregnant as a 20 year old, who he was a good 25+ years older than. Who knows what his death may bring up. It's never been fair on anyone however. Those that know and those that don't.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · Yesterday 11:32

Deadringer · 26/04/2026 16:45

Nothing awful thankfully. When mum died we found a letter telling all of us how much she loved is and how grateful she was that we had taken care of her at home in her final years. It was a surprise as she was never the sentimental type at all. We also discovered that she kept all of our school reports, certificates, 21st party/wedding invitations etc. That might not sound remarkable but we were a huge family (15) living in a small house with very little storage space.

My DM left a lovely letter, written before she developed the dementia that had lasted for around 15 years, and which had meant she hadn’t recognised any of us for a few years.
Whilst very good in many ways she had not always been the easiest person to live with, so it was particularly nice to have that letter after she died.

swimsong · Yesterday 11:36

Apprentice26 · 26/04/2026 17:51

sadly, it’s not. There was an Australian study. I can’t remember the numbers and I’m not gonna make them up but it was bloody horrifying. How many would sleep with under underage girls if the Law wasn’t there
Russell Brand has admitted he shagged a 16-year-old when he was a 30-year-old man and thinks that’s entirely defensible on the basis that she was legal

No just shagged - the credible allegation is abused as a sex toy.

HaveYouHadYourBreak · Yesterday 11:54

Bigwelshlamb · 27/04/2026 18:00

Yea I think we in our fifties have all had the gentle warning to not sit on so and so's lap etc .. as far as I know no one else in the family knows, although I did confide in a old family friend, she told me she was not surprised because he was weird but has barely spoken to me since... theae assaults were over 40 years ago... interestingly he had been married before and widowed and was estranged from his only daughter and her children (they did come to the wedding of him and my Grandmother but there was some weird shit going on and I was only little but it was palpable). She was never heard of again despite living literally 3/4 miles away... And didn't come to his funeral. So as an older child I did wonder about that... I have to tell you and it saddens me to say it but I don't know what would have happened if I had told. I wanted to believe all the grown ups who said they loved me would expel him but the person who sits here now doesn't think that would have happened and I would have been silenced and it would have been swept under the carpet. I would have been the problem. That reaction from the old family friend kinda says everything and she would tell you right here she lives and cares for me but she cannot cope with even knowing. What was tragically hilarious is everyone thought he was a bit creepy in a clownish way, so he really was a wolf in wolf's clothing. I replay him dying and me damning him to hell but the point of these people is to corrupt and destroy and I just couldn't give him that. That was a split second decision as he lay dying. Without being flippant I do feel mostly ok because dumping those ashes in a council tip was a perfect fuck you. Recycling the urn was the chef's kiss. I felt like I took my power back that day. That said, if he were alive today, I would stab him in the neck because I have my own children now.

You took your power back when you were kind to him when he didnt deserve it.
You showed him who you were despite his actions.
He knew and you should be proud of your strength and dignity.

swimsong · Yesterday 12:00

Pedallleur · 26/04/2026 18:26

Those were nightclubs not lap dance places. Yes in hindsight they weren't great but somehow they were glamourised and Hef was a hero in those times. Trump would have loved him. The Rolling Stones stayed at the Mansion in 1972 and top footballers of the time were regulars at the Playby Clubs in London and Manchester

A friend worked as a bunny girl in the Manchester club. They had to wear two pairs of tights! A matronly figure checked.

chipsticksmammy · Yesterday 12:17

We discovered a family member had been removing old computer monitors from work before he died.

Dozens of them in the garage but very old tech.

He also had more than 10 TVs that no longer worked.

We had to check at the recycling centre we were not going to be in trouble for theft or charged as a private company as we recycled them as they were covered in ID stickers 🤣

katseyes7 · Yesterday 12:28

inickedthisname
One of my dad's much older (20 years age difference, they were a very big family, and my dad was the youngest) sisters had a baby out of wedlock in the 1930s. So far as l know she never named, (or she kept it quiet) the father.
We suspected he may have been a foreign sailor (my family are from a port town) as her son was very fair haired and skinned, very Scandinavian in appearance.
Her parents must have been lovely people, she kept the baby, he had her maiden name and she went on to marry and have three more children.
Her husband was a very nice, family man.

twilightcafe · Yesterday 13:31

Carla786 · 27/04/2026 16:13

What was your source for female guards in Ravensbruck being crueller than guards in male camps?

I'm a bit sceptical of that. I will research more.

FWIW, (I know it's hit or miss) ChatGPT told me this on a quick check. : 'It’s not really accurate to say female guards at Ravensbrück were “more cruel” than male guards overall.

Some individual women—like Irma Grese—became notorious, and their cases got a lot of attention after the war. That can skew perceptions. There’s also a kind of shock factor: people expect women to be less violent, so when they aren’t, it stands out more and gets remembered more vividly.

But when you look at the wider evidence, brutality wasn’t unique to female guards or to Ravensbrück. Conditions and treatment were extremely harsh across the Nazi camp system, including camps run mostly by male guards like Auschwitz or Buchenwald.

Historians generally find that female guards showed a range of behaviour—from routine enforcement to active cruelty—but not in a way that was systematically worse than male guards. So the “women were worse” idea is more about perception and selective examples than solid historical evidence.'

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/apr/01/if-this-woman-ravensbruck-hitler-camp-sarah-helm-review

This book is a horrifying but excellent starting point.

If This Is a Woman: Inside Ravensbrück, Hitler’s Concentration Camp for Women by Sarah Helm – review

Ravensbrück is a camp relatively unknown because it doesn’t fit the Holocaust narrative. The hundreds of survivors’ stories in this account bear witness to the terrifying heterogeneity of Nazi crimes

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2015/apr/01/if-this-woman-ravensbruck-hitler-camp-sarah-helm-review

swimsong · Yesterday 14:11

QuietlyWonderful · 26/04/2026 18:41

As I don’t want sex toys to be discovered (I’m ancient), I’m sticking with an electric toothbrush.

Oh Lord - my eyes are watering!

It's not the bristle side that's used -
So it's more 😊 than 😳

nonumbersinthisname · Yesterday 14:25

katseyes7 · Yesterday 12:28

inickedthisname
One of my dad's much older (20 years age difference, they were a very big family, and my dad was the youngest) sisters had a baby out of wedlock in the 1930s. So far as l know she never named, (or she kept it quiet) the father.
We suspected he may have been a foreign sailor (my family are from a port town) as her son was very fair haired and skinned, very Scandinavian in appearance.
Her parents must have been lovely people, she kept the baby, he had her maiden name and she went on to marry and have three more children.
Her husband was a very nice, family man.

Something similar in my family - my granddads unmarried sister had a child just before the war. She didn’t tell anyone but a favourite “maiden aunt” found out when she was wanting to borrow quite a bit of money which turned out was for the maternity home fees. The maiden aunt wanted to step up and help but my grandads sister refused. Grandads sister put the child in an institution - maiden aunt visited regularly and found a childless couple through her church who wanted to adopt the child but grandads sister said no and so the child stayed in the institution, and sadly died as a teenager in a traffic accident. The wider family was devastated when they found out about the child after grandads sister died and they were sorting her papers. In particular the thought of the child growing up not having a loving family - either with one of them or the potential adopters was very upsetting.

swimsong · Yesterday 14:50

Loobyloolovesandypandy · 26/04/2026 22:37

Drawers plural? Impressive

Maybe singular - if that's what they're wrapped in...

TheHappiestCorpse · Yesterday 16:53

UnemployedNotRetired · 26/04/2026 16:49

So not even 2% of adult men in the world with internet access. Assuming they were all male. And not just repeated visits.

Your flailing here is world class.

katseyes7 · Yesterday 17:08

nonumbersinthisname · Yesterday 14:25

Something similar in my family - my granddads unmarried sister had a child just before the war. She didn’t tell anyone but a favourite “maiden aunt” found out when she was wanting to borrow quite a bit of money which turned out was for the maternity home fees. The maiden aunt wanted to step up and help but my grandads sister refused. Grandads sister put the child in an institution - maiden aunt visited regularly and found a childless couple through her church who wanted to adopt the child but grandads sister said no and so the child stayed in the institution, and sadly died as a teenager in a traffic accident. The wider family was devastated when they found out about the child after grandads sister died and they were sorting her papers. In particular the thought of the child growing up not having a loving family - either with one of them or the potential adopters was very upsetting.

Oh my. That's so sad!

nonumbersinthisname · Yesterday 17:35

katseyes7 · Yesterday 17:08

Oh my. That's so sad!

Yeah. Even though (or because?) they were involved with their church, my grandads family were broad minded, particularly by the standards of the day. They’d have welcomed a child into the family, whatever the circumstances of their birth, and stuff anyone who dared to comment. I saw for myself when my cousin got pregnant as a teenager in the 70s and the overwhelming reaction amongst all that generation was “oh, well that’s a surprise. Do you need anything and can we help?”. Not what my cousin was expecting as she was in a particularly rebellious phase and thought the world was against her.

TheGander · Yesterday 18:34

swimsong · Yesterday 11:36

No just shagged - the credible allegation is abused as a sex toy.

It’s all ok folks he’s found God now. Same as Trump has. An upcoming court case will do that to you. Plus a gullible American constituency.

Papster · Yesterday 18:35

Going through my dead parents stuff I now know

My father was born 6 months after my grandparents wedding (grandmother was po faced judgemental old boot).
My grandmother on my mother’s side had been married before but no one knew until she died
Two of my great aunts on my mother’s side had been sent to an orphanage when their father died. Two other siblings stayed with mother.
My grandfather on my mothers side was sent home from the front with trench foot and spent 2 weeks in hospital with gonorrhoea

ForeverTheOptomist · Yesterday 20:34

TorroFerney · Yesterday 07:40

But the person didn’t know , they aren’t named?

In memoriam? Bit of respect perhaps?

FFS.

ForeverTheOptomist · Yesterday 20:37

MrsCarmelaSoprano · Yesterday 09:21

Thank goodness she found them and didn't just donate the coats to the charity shop!

Damn it. There goes my hiding place.

HipsterHighStreet · Yesterday 20:40

ForeverTheOptomist · Yesterday 20:34

In memoriam? Bit of respect perhaps?

FFS.

Oh leave it out. You’re insisting that the anonymous commenter isn’t allowed to share their own personal experience because it’s disrespectful to an unknown and unidentifiable person who has passed away. We all would have forgotten about it anyway if you hadn’t kept going on and on and on and on and on and…

ForeverTheOptomist · Yesterday 20:41

swimsong · Yesterday 14:11

It's not the bristle side that's used -
So it's more 😊 than 😳

@booknerdhead Have you tried two?

awfulapril · Yesterday 20:43

Isn't a toothbrush SORE? #cavity

awfulapril · Yesterday 20:44

I'm with @HipsterHighStreet

Looneytunez · Yesterday 20:52

thehaplessgardener · Yesterday 00:46

WTF! You don't come across as very bright.

My point is, no-one knows until they know that their partner, their husband, their brother, their son, their father, their grandfather, their great-grandfather is a pervert, a rapist, or a pedophile.

Yes I know, you are brighter than all of us put together. Thank you for enlightening us.

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