Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

[Dappy777]

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

So sorry this happened to you. Exactly the same happened to me. I was blindsided.

You should have taken that laptop to the police. There were children on there being abused. Police can track down who they are and the abusers.

A care leaver who lived with my mum her grandfather passed away when she was living with her. Shortly after his death some indecent images were traced to his computer. He also often had an unrelated teenage lad staying with him. The police took it all.

This was back in the early 00's. I'm not sure what the outcome was. She moved out to her own flat shortly after.

Sorry that’s bollocks, but do feel free to carry on deluding yourself

Found photos of mum and dad enjoying a saucy weekend, bless them. As soon as I realised what I was looking at, I closed the box and disposed of it. But it actually gladdened my heart to see them happy, and reassured me that there was some romance in their life, I'd never been sure!

Having cleared both my parents belongings, the worse I’ve found is a copy of lady chatterley. DF was not a book reader, but I think he had plausible deniability as it was an edition published for the first time after the trial. He could have claimed he just wanted to see what the fuss was about. DF also kept every greeting card that DB and I ever gave him - Christmas, birthday, Father’s Day. Had no idea he was such a sentimental old bugger. Miss him loads.

Found nothing awful in DM’s belongings apart from a used pair of Tena pants shoved in a drawer, but she had dementia. She also had loads of old letters between her great grandparents from the late 19th Century. They were long dead by the time I was born so I didn’t know them but the letters are full of family chit chat and a fascinating insight into their lives in general. Nothing explicitly naughty in them but my gggf did emphasise the special time they enjoyed on walks in the countryside and how he was looking forward to their next trip.

Getting rid of your porn stash is probably not your highest priority when you are dying.

Yes. They. Are. Wake up!

Hey, I been single a long time 😂😂😂
Don’t judge! 😂😂😂

That's a half brother not a step. A step would be if it was your mum's new husband's son so not at all biologically related to you

My H found a scrap book of absolutely everything he'd ever done... Clippings from newspapers, things from when he ran for an election, pictures with little explanations.. It was so sweet, it covered his whole life and she never ever said it out loud how proud she was but the scrapbook said everything. She also left all financials in his hands rather than his brother or sister because she knew he was the only one she could rely on to be absolutely fair, which he was. So it was all a confirmation of her love and trust in him despite never actually hearing the words. Conversely, I dread cleaning out my step Dads house because he is a vile pig and I absolutely know he has a huge stash of non vanilla pornography and sex toys etc as I found a bit of it when I cleaned out my Mum's stuff after her death which he could have saved me from by removing it, but didn't. He is a terrible man, really cruel and I hope I don't find anything I cannot unsee.. I will not switch his computer on either, straight in the bin with that but will however protect his ex wife (the new one after my Mum, now separated) from it all because she would be so hurt by it and she's a lovely person.

I haven't found any shocking items after relatives have died, but in the years (and decades) after their deaths, things have come into the open, especially about my grandparents.

One estranged relative remarried and had a second family, who were unaware of the existence of his first family.

One relative had an affair with a married man, probably for years.

Another relative could be very violent.

Another relative, who was seemingly nice and intelligent, was apparently also a raging anti-Semite who inexplicably blamed the Jews for WWII. She would never have known that one of her children married into a family which was partly Jewish, and that some of her beloved grandchildren had some Jewish heritage.

Oh fuck off. Why comment on this and not on the foul things PPs have found? Wake up. Men are disgusting.

All men?

Some people collect things like that, especially those who lived through WW2 or maybe even fought in it, doesn't mean he was an admirer of Hitler, Kickinthenostalgia.

My great uncle had a room full of memorabilia of everything Hitler. It was quietly binned.

great granddad had kept a ww2 gun

granddad had love letters not just from his wife but a hoard of them from other women too and it was discovered he’d been married 3 times and my gran was 15 to his 32 when they wed and yes it was illegal but the minister much of turned a blind eye cos she was turning 16 the next month but even still 🤮🤢

I didn’t clear anything from when my stepfather died but when my mum died she was a hoarder and we had to bin everything cos of mice and got a company in to do so.

My father died of prostate cancer, he had many pills and medicines to take. He was a very organized man, kept everything filed and left notes for us on what do to after he died, his funeral preferences, notes for his eulogy. Everything was neatly packed and organized. There were no horrors, relatively few sentimental items, family cards, his parents ancient radio, old newspapers.

The saddest and most horrible thing was his notebook of the medicines he took each day, he would record what he had taken in which day. Over the last weeks of his life he persevered with his notes and his hand writing got worse and worse, the ink less heavy, increasingly illegible and then it stops in his final days when he was too ill to keep it up or presumably care.

To me it was a record of his perseverance against the disease. It makes me sad to look at it but I couldn't throw it away as it seemed important to him even at the end.

They really, really, aren't. Maybe you need a better social circle.