Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Finding horrible things when elderly people die. ***Edited by MNHQ to add: TW: contains details some may find upsetting including details of CSA***

417 replies

Dappy777 · Yesterday 14:16

Has anyone else cleaned out a loved one’s home and found horrible stuff?

Last year my father in law died. He was 78, had lived alone for several years and died suddenly. After his death, we went through the house and found a hidden stash of pornography. It wasn’t illegal, but the magazines were called things like ‘Babyface’ and ‘Just 18’. In other words, the models were as childlike as it was legally possible to photo. We also found several pornographic books and stuff he’d printed off the Internet. Again, it was all young and underage girls. My partner was very upset. His dad had an old laptop but my partner smashed and burned it (he was venting his anger). He said he didn’t want to know what was on there and that it was best if his father took any secrets to the grave.

Anyway, a neighbour recently told me a similar story, only in her case it was even darker. After her partner’s dad died, they found photos he had taken of young girls playing in a nearby park. She said it looked as if he’d taken them from his car. There were a lot, apparently, and she and her partner burnt everything.

I wonder how common this is? When my own father died, I found a bit of pornography, but it was all pretty tame and adult. Even that upset me though. In all three cases the men died suddenly. I suppose people with a terminal diagnosis have time to destroy such things.

OP posts:
HaveYouHadYourBreak · Yesterday 22:37

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:28

i never understood why society allowed the concept from the beginning

Lots of people didnt really understand I dont think. It was just seen as a but of fun. Now we know it isn't. Most people I know would cringe to think that they ever took part in things like that but they were hugely popular.

Plenty of men* knew at the time though and did call it out for what it was.

*and women but we're not talking about them.

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:37

Pedallleur · Yesterday 22:36

Patriarchal society. I remember watching Rod Stewart at Glastonbury on TV around 2010 and he had a string section of women dressed in what appeared to be school girl attire. He'd be 60+ then and I thought you need to be told NO! 1972 was 35+ years ago

jesus christ

TheGander · Yesterday 22:38

@Pedallleur i always thought Rod Stewart was a bit of a creep, by the way he has spoken about women in interviews ( before fawning geriatrically about Penny Lancaster).

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:39

HaveYouHadYourBreak · Yesterday 22:37

Lots of people didnt really understand I dont think. It was just seen as a but of fun. Now we know it isn't. Most people I know would cringe to think that they ever took part in things like that but they were hugely popular.

Plenty of men* knew at the time though and did call it out for what it was.

*and women but we're not talking about them.

how ever way you consider the concept, its just wrong, the whole dress up etc

Alfgingeorgie · Yesterday 22:39

They are not all the same.

Kickinthenostalgia · Yesterday 22:39

When FIL died last year, we were emptying his house and found a shit load of hitler memorabilia , like more than a person should have. He had loads of war books etc so at first we didn’t think anything of the first few books we found, then there were vhs, DVDs, books, posters, news clippings. They all went straight in the bin. All other books were taken to charity. I’ve known FIL for 20 years and he’d never even mentioned he was interested in hitler. I knew he’d watch any war programmes as he loved planes, was even a member of the Vulcan club. It was a bit of a shock to me and DP at first even dd was like what the hell ☹️

zukinizen · Yesterday 22:42

Carla786 · Yesterday 22:16

Sorry- do you mean paedophilia is unheard of in the culture you come from? Do you mean here or another culture? Which culture do you mean?

yes, my culture into which language I have read without wanting some nasty comments from men adressed to a young looking woman calling themselves grand-dads...and I have never heard or seen such behaviour from men off line when lived there nor there are many cases of pedophilia....which to me proves that even in cultures where the men keep facade, the sexual desire towards underage or barely legal female might be a thing

Pedallleur · Yesterday 22:43

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:37

jesus christ

It was 2002. Google Rod Stewart/Glastonbury/2002/First cut is the deepest.

HaveYouHadYourBreak · Yesterday 22:45

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:39

how ever way you consider the concept, its just wrong, the whole dress up etc

Obviously. But at the time lots of people didnt think of it like that. Not an excuse. Just a fact. Like chain smoking with kids in the car. Modern eyes and knowledge.

Loads of people will jump in now claiming they never went to one, would never have done and in fact were outside them protesting. But they were hugely popular so soneone was going to them.

Pedallleur · Yesterday 22:46

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · Yesterday 21:08

I wonder if a thread on a predominantly male website, where someone says all women are the same, are there lots of men shouting the op down?

If you are on those sites I guarantee they are arent

And1811 · Yesterday 22:50

When my dad died, I was looking for the family photo albums, but found one full of Polaroids, turns out my dad and his third and fourth wives were swingers with people I thought were just family friends, explains the papyrus grass in the garden

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · Yesterday 22:53

Ultraalox · Yesterday 15:40

Apologies. Thankfully I know nothing about the subject, but I’ve now read on the difference in the terms and have educated myself x

Or indecent images of children

xx

5128gap · Yesterday 22:57

HaveYouHadYourBreak · Yesterday 22:27

"Dress like a sexy school girl" club nights were a thing when I was at uni. Obviously modern eyes tell us how awful that was and now I'm embarrassed that I took part but I enjoyed it at the time.

However, my now husband and a lot of other male friends felt very uncomfortable with it and thought it was inappropriate so didnt join in. Other men went but made a point of not going home with the women dressed like children. There were also plenty of men, who like me, took part because they thought it was harmless fun but in hindsight feel yukky about it.

My point is, that these men "aren't like that". This was 25+ years ago so not the most enlightened period for these discussions.

Yes. In the 80s the school girl thing was popular in the trash tabloids.
There was once (at least) a count down of a page three girl to her 16th birthday (when she was legally allowed to be topless) which started with her dressed in school shirt and tie, and by the end of the week when she turned 16 she was topless still in the school tie.
This was in a mainstream tabloid and....nothing. Men read it on the bus, left it on the kitchen table, made crude jokes about it, pinned the pictures on the wall on the shop floor or at best, thought nothing of it.
Which is a rather sobering reminder of what ordinary everyday men will accept, enjoy even, if society permits them to.

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 23:01

HaveYouHadYourBreak · Yesterday 22:45

Obviously. But at the time lots of people didnt think of it like that. Not an excuse. Just a fact. Like chain smoking with kids in the car. Modern eyes and knowledge.

Loads of people will jump in now claiming they never went to one, would never have done and in fact were outside them protesting. But they were hugely popular so soneone was going to them.

in terms of the dressing up concept and any events that may happen today, why does society not just ban the whole concept ?

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 23:02

5128gap · Yesterday 22:57

Yes. In the 80s the school girl thing was popular in the trash tabloids.
There was once (at least) a count down of a page three girl to her 16th birthday (when she was legally allowed to be topless) which started with her dressed in school shirt and tie, and by the end of the week when she turned 16 she was topless still in the school tie.
This was in a mainstream tabloid and....nothing. Men read it on the bus, left it on the kitchen table, made crude jokes about it, pinned the pictures on the wall on the shop floor or at best, thought nothing of it.
Which is a rather sobering reminder of what ordinary everyday men will accept, enjoy even, if society permits them to.

i weep for humanity, no wonder society is omg

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 23:04

And1811 · Yesterday 22:50

When my dad died, I was looking for the family photo albums, but found one full of Polaroids, turns out my dad and his third and fourth wives were swingers with people I thought were just family friends, explains the papyrus grass in the garden

Edited

pampus grass, and the other symbol is a pineapple

Mumto2at · Yesterday 23:04

This is what terrifies me. If something happened to me and my husband and our house was cleared out I'd be mortified (nothing indecent or odd like that but more sex toys and probably seeing my true love of chocolate stashed haha)

Carla786 · Yesterday 23:06

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 22:39

how ever way you consider the concept, its just wrong, the whole dress up etc

Yep, there's a reason women often report most street harassment while in school uniform/at school age.

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · Yesterday 23:09

5128gap · Yesterday 18:56

No. That doesn't work for me. When men are fantasising over women dressed as nurses, they're fantasising about sex in risqué situations. When they're fantasising over women presented to look like children/young teens, they're fantasising about sex with a girl below the age of consent.
Thr wrongness of this should overcome the desire in a decent man and his self disgust should be enough to put him off. When a man manages to overcome this taboo, you can never be certain what other taboo he would overcome given the opportunity.
And loneliness is a desire for company, not for sex with a child.

Anne Summers and Amazon both stock ‘sexy school’ and ‘naughty nurse’ costumes
they are actually quite mainstream go to fantasies in fairness

Mourningmorningsleep · Yesterday 23:10

When my grandmother died we found a stash of racist cartoons that one family member had drawn of an in-law family member, for my grandmother as a "joke". Ripped the family apart, never recovered. Can't believe she kept them.

justasking111 · Yesterday 23:10

Back in the 70s and 80s fancy dress parties were popular. I always found the St Trinian's get up distasteful. Some women did it and the men enjoyed it. I just wouldn't do the overtly sexy look.

Carla786 · Yesterday 23:12

zukinizen · Yesterday 22:42

yes, my culture into which language I have read without wanting some nasty comments from men adressed to a young looking woman calling themselves grand-dads...and I have never heard or seen such behaviour from men off line when lived there nor there are many cases of pedophilia....which to me proves that even in cultures where the men keep facade, the sexual desire towards underage or barely legal female might be a thing

Unfortunately there are many bad men. I'm certain there are others not like that...and I can see that just have been a big shock if you had never experienced anything like that while there.
I appreciate this is probably little comfort,,but these kinds of evil occur among some men in every country. Even the safest and most equal countries have men like this. I don't think it reflects badly on your country that they can't fully eliminate it.

May I ask which country you are from? I understand if not.

Carla786 · Yesterday 23:13

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · Yesterday 23:09

Anne Summers and Amazon both stock ‘sexy school’ and ‘naughty nurse’ costumes
they are actually quite mainstream go to fantasies in fairness

Something being common or mainstream doesn't make it moral.

That makes it even worse, in my view.

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 23:13

Imanexcellentdrivercharliebabbit · Yesterday 23:09

Anne Summers and Amazon both stock ‘sexy school’ and ‘naughty nurse’ costumes
they are actually quite mainstream go to fantasies in fairness

the nurse one i can accept, but the naughty school one needs banning

CharleneElizabethBaltimore · Yesterday 23:14

Carla786 · Yesterday 23:13

Something being common or mainstream doesn't make it moral.

That makes it even worse, in my view.

indeed, because then it makes it seem more normal to society when it should not be

Swipe left for the next trending thread