Would you leave children overnight at grandma's with lodgers there?

[Luckydog7]

Feeling on the fence. DH and I have been invited to a wedding 2 hours away.

Mum kindly offered to babysit overnight at her house and we accepted without thinking. First time they would be staying over, kids are 8 and 6. 8 year old has special needs but well behaved and no trouble.

DH has expressed concern today and having second thoughts.

While mum and stepdad are perfectly nice. Mum keeps lodgers and both are currently middle aged men we don't know. This is the issue really that there are strangers in the house.

The kids bedroom is on the middle floor of the house with a bathroom shared with the lodgers and mum would be in the master upstairs.

How would you feel about this? There's not really another option for sleeping logistically.

DH is now talking about me going to the wedding alone so he can stay for the kids.

Mums quite sensitive and her likely reaction is to be really offended/downplay any risks. I'm thinking of raising it anyway when we meet next week with the hope that she is understanding of our concern. It's possible for her to come to ours but it's an early wedding so it would be asking even more of her and I know she was pleased to have them over for the first time.

It is interesting though as I'm sure dd2 would not let her dc sleepover if I had a lodger but her guest room is on the same floor as her dc (dd2 and her dh are on another) and I don't think she'd think twice about having guests staying- not always very well known.

No, and not because I assume something dismisses would happen , because my children wouldn’t be comfortable sleeping over around strangers.

Its simple- NO, never, i wouldnt even consider it as an option

Definite no, and im saying that as a mother and as a grandmother.

A very logical thing to do. Try managing on just a state pension!

No fucking chance and she could be as offended as she wanted to be and I wouldn't give a shit.

Never in a million years.

I'm with the majority - or the consensus, in fact. Definitely a no. Your husband has suggested not going to the wedding and I would either do this or, as others have suggested, mum stay at yours. There is a vulnerability there, don't ignore it my love

Nooooooo!!!!!

A big fat NO. Not even for a hangout. Just not safe. I work in safeguarding and honestly no. Be careful.

No.

Nope not a chance. I’m surprised she thinks is ok. On a separate floor too with two unknown men.

This
why not get your mum to come to yours? Order them in a nice takeaway or fill the fridge with treats to make it nice

If she doesn’t understand why you’re concerned then it would be a definite no from me!

Nope. My children would never stay anywhere that there were unknown people, men or women.

I hate to worry you but this lodger killed the host families kids in a horrific way:
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-46443110

They may be lovely men, but the point is that they are strangers and would have access to your young kids whilst you are away and the grandparents are not acknowledging the risks - making it inherently more risky. Just dont risk it. Nothing can turn back the clock.

No, I absolutely would not be fine with my kids sharing a house and bathroom with strangers

Why did your mum not think of the risks herself? Can she be trusted to look after them, even if she comes to your home?

A massive no with huge red alarm bells on. I wouldn’t even visit with them.

I would have real concerns about your mother’s safety as she gets older too. Who vets these foreign national students for her, is it the Uni? Several unknown men in her house with even lesser known visitors arriving too. All sounds very risky to me. Can she not downsize?

No - especially as they will be on the same floor as the lodgers

No

Definitely not

Not in a million years. ALWAYS trust your instincts. Unfortunately its the downside of your mum having lodgers - absolutely hard no to kids staying over. You need to talk it through with her as even it they are over for an afternoon it needs to be made crystal clear that they are never left with the lodgers even if she just has to pop to the shops for 5 mins or such like. It is a shame but its just too risky.

Definitely not. Why can the children not share a room / bathroom with your mum and your Dad can stay on the floor with the male lodgers. Alternatively could your mum stay at your house with your children for the night. I would never leave my children with men I don’t know - lodgers sounds even worse as you don’t even know their backgrounds.

The suggestions about them sleeping in her room really don’t make sense to me. She isn’t likely to be going to go to bed at the same time as the DC, is she? So whether they are in her room (with her downstairs until it’s her own later time to go to bed) or in a separate bedroom, the risk remains.