Would you leave children overnight at grandma's with lodgers there?

[Luckydog7]

Feeling on the fence. DH and I have been invited to a wedding 2 hours away.

Mum kindly offered to babysit overnight at her house and we accepted without thinking. First time they would be staying over, kids are 8 and 6. 8 year old has special needs but well behaved and no trouble.

DH has expressed concern today and having second thoughts.

While mum and stepdad are perfectly nice. Mum keeps lodgers and both are currently middle aged men we don't know. This is the issue really that there are strangers in the house.

The kids bedroom is on the middle floor of the house with a bathroom shared with the lodgers and mum would be in the master upstairs.

How would you feel about this? There's not really another option for sleeping logistically.

DH is now talking about me going to the wedding alone so he can stay for the kids.

Mums quite sensitive and her likely reaction is to be really offended/downplay any risks. I'm thinking of raising it anyway when we meet next week with the hope that she is understanding of our concern. It's possible for her to come to ours but it's an early wedding so it would be asking even more of her and I know she was pleased to have them over for the first time.

Absolutely no way. Go to the wedding by yourself and let husband watch the kids.

I can’t believe you need to ask for others opinions, what is the world coming to?

No wonder children continue to be harmed.

nope

A school project or similar is helpful here
’i think you’ll need to come to us because Evie needs to work on her dinosaur diorama’

Can the kids sleep in with grandma? We used to sleep with grandma when we went for holidays and grandpa would sleep in the spare room.

Can you pick her up and drop her back so it's done at your house but doesn't put her out so much? That's the safest.

Big fat nope. Unless she can ask them to go away for the weekend, or the dc can sleep in with her.

Suggestion to have her come to you is a good one if feasible?

Yes, you're most likely right. Just not something I associate with older people.

Another option for sleeping - kids mattresses go to grandmas room, and they sleep up there with her.
or grandmas sleeps in one of the single beds with the other kids in single bed and in sleeping bag on air bed mattress.
if that doesn’t work then take them to the wedding and hire a babysitter there, or send them on a sleepover with friends near you. Assuming your mum isn’t willing to sleep in your house with your kids?

I consider myself a fairly relaxed parent, but absofuckinglutely not.

Grandparents need to come to yours or alternative childcare needs to be sourced. I wouldn't even bother coming up with an excuse "I don't want my child sleeping in a house with strangers" is a 100% legitimate reason and I'd question the grandparents suitability to care for my kids if they disagreed.

Yes agree. More older people are also ending up renting rooms i think,I dont have the stats but anecdotally (relationship breakdown/unaffordable being single/reduced social housing accessibility), its inevitable unfortunately.

If you’re asking on here, you are clearly not ok with it deep down - so it’s a no. Either your Mum stays at your house or you go to the wedding alone.

Came on to say this. No way would I let my kids stay overnight with two middle-aged male strangers in the house. And I’d be clear with Mum on why as well (not in a mean way, it’s not her fault she’s taken in lodgers, but you’d be totally reasonable to say no and surely she’d understand why?!).

No no no no.

Absolutely no way would I do this. Not a chance in hell and I'd have zero issues explaining the reason to your mum and if she got offended I'd be highly concerned that she isn't taking the risks seriously enough and that would actually confirm that it was the right decision in the first place.

Explain your concern, decide based on her reaction.
If she downplays it/acts offended, not great. If she understands and suggest solutions, why not?

Absolutely agree with this.
I’m have no problem telling her exactly why it’s a terrible idea.

Absolutely not. However, I understand you may be uncomfortable saying no now that you accepted.

Absolutely no chance.

No chance, unless they were in Grandma's room with her the whole night. That set up sounds like they may as well be sleeping in the same room as the men!

This is a massive 'of course not'.

I'd be concerned that your mother seems to think this is ok. If she takes offence when you bring it up, then that says a lot about her priorities and how she assesses risk - accordingly, I'd advise additional vigilance in future.

Would your answers be different if the lodgers were female?

A definite no, I wouldn't be comfortable with that at all from me.
I only let mine stay over with grandparents at that age, not with anyone else and wouldn't want them staying over with strangers.

Well, of course not - if it was then I would be concerned about my own ability to assess risk.

My concern level wouldn't be zero though - based on the sleeping arrangements.

You clearly don't know these two people, on that basis, no. Not a chance.
And I don't think the sex matters, in answer to a question above, as women can be dodgy too.