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Original poster

Sister still in our spare room and not moving out

98 replies

doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:08

Sorry - might be long. My sister came back from overseas when our mum died 7 years ago and was living in the same small town as our dad until 9 months ago. She then moved to the city about 4 hours away where I live with my husband and son (both of who have medical needs) and has been living in our spare room/my craft room for those 8 months. She originally planned on getting a rental but as she only works part-time as an in-home-carer/house cleaner, she kept getting knocked back as she didn't earn enough money and seemed surprised rents were so much more here. Two months ago she decided it wasn't meant to be so plans on moving back to the town. Trouble is, she is not doing much to make the move happen and my husband is now losing his patience - I lost mine 2 months ago when I told her she needed to start paying something towards gas/electricity/water so she grudgingly gives 50 a week, this barely covers that, and she also eats what I cook for us every night accept one which I made her buy and cook for but it's usually only pasta so I have to add some protein to that for my son (due to his medical condition).
I'm so angry I can't be in the same room as her now (could be menopause as well). She must know it is so inconvenient for us, my daughter has to sleep on the sofa rather than in her old bed when she visits from the next city and my MIL hasn't even been able to come and see our new house as we can't put her up (sister moved in 2 months after we had).
Yes, there is a lot of history, she's dyslexic and neurodivergent and found school difficult and I was a good student who joined the military and went to university. I'm now a part-time teacher, married with adult children and have a house (mortgaged until I'm 68) but she has led a carefree life, trained as a nursing associate, traveled the world, worked on cruise ships, done lots of courses but now has no security in her mid 50's so is taking advantage of my family.
I need her gone but she is now talking about making dad leave his 3 bed council house (which is admittedly too much for him) to privately rent with her in the town. I don't know what dad will think of this, I know having her back in the same town would be good for dad and take some worry off me, but I don't know how them living together would work.
I want my craft room back that I only had for 2 months and to get the house sorted, her and her stuff are in the way and I've given up trying to do it with her here.
Sorry again for the length, thanks for reading, I just needed a vent

OP posts:
HaroldMeaker · 21/04/2026 13:14

Yeah she’s taking the piss.
Definitely think your dad needs to stay in his council house (why doesn’t she move in with him there?) , or swap for a flat if it’s too much for him.

Original poster
doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:18

Thanks for confirming HaroldMeaker that she is taking the piss. Apparently they would have to pay a much higher rent if she stayed. We've been trying to get him to downsize.

OP posts:
WallaceinAnderland · 21/04/2026 13:20

Just tell her to leave. Her future plans are not your responsibility or your business. She can rent a room in a house share until she gets her accommodation sorted. Give her notice today. Set a deadline and stick to it.

I don't know why you haven't done this already.

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LoisGriffinskitchen · 21/04/2026 13:21

doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:18

Thanks for confirming HaroldMeaker that she is taking the piss. Apparently they would have to pay a much higher rent if she stayed. We've been trying to get him to downsize.

They will pay even higher rent if private.

Original poster
doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:25

You're right Wallace, it's not my responsibility or business but a lot of back story makes me feel that way (I was the stable one in the family - always told "to those much is given - much is expected). I need to start a uni course in July so I can move sideways in teaching so I might give her that date as I will need somewhere to study.

OP posts:
gerispringer · 21/04/2026 13:30

DSis I was happy to put you up as a temporary arrangement, but now feel it would be better for the family for you to sort out more permanent living arrangements. I need my craft room back and room for DD to stay. She’s coming again in x weeks and I need to have my room back by then.

WallaceinAnderland · 21/04/2026 13:32

She's just taking advantage of you, not paying her way, inconveniencing so many other people. If you don't intend her to live there forever, then she has to leave at some point so it might as well be now.

She has outstayed her welcome, I would give her one month notice as of today and offer whatever administrative help she needs to find another temporary place until she gets permanent plans in order.

Tablesandchairs23 · 21/04/2026 13:34

Give her a date to move out and stick to it. You're not responsible for her.

Dollymylove · 21/04/2026 13:42

A months notice then put her belongings outside and change the locks

SnappyQuoter · 21/04/2026 13:46

So, she works as a self employed cleaner? And your dad is living in a 3 bed house? It’s really really simple then. She packs up and goes to live with him as a lodger, which is allowed, and sets up cleaning clients in and around that town.

Give her a deadline of two weeks, then put her stuff outside and change the locks. You’ve done enough.

CoffeeBeansGalore · 21/04/2026 13:47

She can stay with dad as a "temporary measure" to see if they are compatible to rent together. If so they can do a council house swap to downsize. She can go on the tenancy and then will have some security & stability.
And if it doesn't work then she sorts it out. No, she does not get to move back in with you. You have more than done your bit.

thequeenoftarts · 21/04/2026 14:17

Also why should your Dad give up his home to rent privately with her?

  1. Much dearer rent for him to rent privately
  2. Less security as he ages and becomes unable to pay for private rent increases on limited income.
  3. The council will "punish" him by making him wait a long time to be rehoused, if ever if he gives up him council house
  4. Tell her if she moves in with your Dad she will be responsible for half the bills and ALL the care of Dad and doctors, hospital appts, house and garden
  5. She is nothing but a free loader, she is wise enough to know she will have to pay the council a lot of money for rent as will have to provide payslips etc or accounts, but thinks by Dad renting privately she can pay the minimum to him and dump him with the bills
If Dad wants to down size, dare I say its a very good time to start lol, a one bed nice council flat will suit him nicely, with no room for guests :)
Chatsbots · 21/04/2026 14:20

NEVER give up a secure council tenancy for insecure accommodation.

SnappyQuoter · 21/04/2026 14:23

thequeenoftarts · 21/04/2026 14:17

Also why should your Dad give up his home to rent privately with her?

  1. Much dearer rent for him to rent privately
  2. Less security as he ages and becomes unable to pay for private rent increases on limited income.
  3. The council will "punish" him by making him wait a long time to be rehoused, if ever if he gives up him council house
  4. Tell her if she moves in with your Dad she will be responsible for half the bills and ALL the care of Dad and doctors, hospital appts, house and garden
  5. She is nothing but a free loader, she is wise enough to know she will have to pay the council a lot of money for rent as will have to provide payslips etc or accounts, but thinks by Dad renting privately she can pay the minimum to him and dump him with the bills
If Dad wants to down size, dare I say its a very good time to start lol, a one bed nice council flat will suit him nicely, with no room for guests :)

Sorry, but no; number 3 is totally unreasonably. Living with a parent whilst paying 50% of all costs does not indenture her to be solely responsible for all her dad’s care as he ages. That’s completely unreasonable. Just go read all the threads on here from the siblings who are left to do 100% of the work of caring for elderly parents whilst the other sibling does nothing. Totally unreasonable.

Silverbirchleaf · 21/04/2026 14:32

Tablesandchairs23 · 21/04/2026 13:34

Give her a date to move out and stick to it. You're not responsible for her.

This.

stapletonsguitar · 21/04/2026 14:32

doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:18

Thanks for confirming HaroldMeaker that she is taking the piss. Apparently they would have to pay a much higher rent if she stayed. We've been trying to get him to downsize.

Even if they paid higher rent, it would be better to have a secure tenancy.

YourWildAmberSloth · 21/04/2026 14:44

doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:18

Thanks for confirming HaroldMeaker that she is taking the piss. Apparently they would have to pay a much higher rent if she stayed. We've been trying to get him to downsize.

I'm pretty sure the rent stays the same. He might lose some of his housing benefit/universal credit if he's receiving these.

Original poster
doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 14:46

To SnappyPoster - I do not expect her to do all the care, even though I did all of it for mum for years before she passed whilst I had young children as sister was overseas. I do all of dad's admin (he's dyslexic) and have organised everything (including paying for a scooter) my sister did arrange the personal care he gets as she works in the area but she does nothing but complain about having to do it.

OP posts:
purplecorkheart · 21/04/2026 14:52

As others said she is not moving out as she has no motivation to do so. Give her a deadline and stick to it. She can move in with your Dad. The increase in the rent will be less than what they will be paying in the private sector. They can also look for a smaller property but she can stay with your Dad until then. The current arrangement is not fair on you, your husband, son or daughter. Do not wait until July. Give her notice today.

previouslyknownas · 21/04/2026 14:52

How old is your dad
is he is a pensioner then the room tax won’t apply to him

and council rents don’t go up by how many people live there
the extra person might have to pay something towards the rent if he gets UC / HB

but he would be nuts to give up a secure home and go into rented

CoralOP · 21/04/2026 15:10

It blows my mind how many people on here have people living in their home that they don't want there...and not paying rent!
Just tell her to leave by a set date, it would give me great pleasure to kick a cheeky user out of my home, I don't understand why people pussyfoot around it!

400rider · 21/04/2026 16:25

My parents actually gave my brother an eviction notice in his 40th birthday card. He laughed, they didn’t. They gave him a bundle of affordable rent and to buy flats .
He returned from university as if he had never left and my mother was now disabled and needed more privacy and her own room.

In your case she does have somewhere else to go, her father. He should talk to the council about downsizing, after all they normally desperately want family homes and ask if (since she’s a carer) for something they can downsize to, 2 bed bungalow or flat, that then gives her security too? They possibly up the rent as a hint to suggest he moves?
A friend was able to do this, although she and her mother were moved out of the area admittedly, but it worked out better for them both!

Delphiniumandlupins · 21/04/2026 18:18

I've never heard of a council rent changing due to the number of people in a property. Sister moving in with dad would mean he loses single person Council Tax deduction and might affect other benefits he gets. Regardless of whether she moves in with him though, you need her to leave your home. Make her less comfortable - charge her more rent, move her onto the sofa bed when your DD or MiL are visiting.

ByPinkOP · 21/04/2026 18:38

Are you saying you had an adult living with you for 6 months who didn’t even contribute to the bills, let alone pay rent?!?

Nearly50omg · 21/04/2026 18:41

doonaduvet · 21/04/2026 13:18

Thanks for confirming HaroldMeaker that she is taking the piss. Apparently they would have to pay a much higher rent if she stayed. We've been trying to get him to downsize.

Your dad will already be paying bedroom tax so this isn’t true!!

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