Things you're doing in your life right now that would sound bonkers if you told anyone, but make sense to you....

[HundredsOfTinyWillies]

I'm currently stalking a man in my neighbourhood because I love his dog. I've bumped into this man and his dog twice. I've started going out at the same-ish time and walking the same-ish route in the hopes of meeting him his dog

I have a whole imaginary world in my head where I'm a former supermodel now living a quiet life in the countryside. When I'm pottering around doing household chores, I pretend Louis Theroux is following me asking me probing questions about my tough childhood and stratospherically successful career.

I plan retirement every single day. I model different scenarios with different levels of income. I look at properties in retirement communities a lot. I'm 40.

I would never say these things out loud to another human because they make me sound absolutely bonkers. But there it is.
Tell me your weirdness that you could never verbalise...

Link/ name please

I’m obsessed with rabbits that are either getting into my allotment or are trapped in my allotment ( big double size plot). I have 2 cameras up every day am fencing it like it’s a prison camp and nearly cried this week when I saw footage of it eating my sweet peas to the ground. It’s ridiculous.

@krustykittenscould you murder a rabbit ? Asking for a friend

Currently arranging to take 10 kids that aren't mine away for a week, to a field outside Lincoln, and worrying about what to feed them and how I'm going to get all the kit onsite.

(Scouts going to Poacher international jamboree)

I have 2, a former plan, and one I do now.

Years ago (before marriages & kids) my mate & I had a whole plan that we'd buy a huge house in the forest (no idea where the funds were coming from) where we'd invite other women to stay with us. The only qualifier was that they couldn't be better looking than us 😆. We had famous folk lined up too. We'd have single, handsome studs come once a week to service us all, but otherwise just live a fabulous life laughing all day!

My current one is that on my daily walk through a large, country park I wait until there's no-one at all around (often) & pretend I'm on a catwalk, which then turns into dancing with wild arms to whatever music I'm listening to. As soon as I see another person coming I resort to 54 year old, serious walker. It's a bit like those Gary Larson cartoon strips where the cows are all standing around smoking & chewing the fat until someone shouts 'Car!' & they all go onto all legs & become cow-like again 🤣. Yes, I am an ex-clubber who likes to think I'm not that far away from being on a podium at Pasha.🙈

I’m a terrible day dreamer. 20 years ago I had the chance to sleep with a guy in Madrid. I didn’t bother because I didn’t fancy him that much yet still now I regularly fantasise that I did and now live a lovely life with him and our kids in Spain - in the version in my head I do fancy him though!

I'm afraid I don't have to give that one much thought, as I live in the middle of nowhere with a menagerie of animals, including three cats who are ferocious hunters. I feel you pain, were were catless for about six months and the rabbits were destroying the place.

I just realised that over the past month I’ve spent £150 on credits for a game on my phone……it’s addictive, what can I say? I’m ashamed 😔

I do the same, so far I'm the only survivor. But I haven't actually got past the end of my street though yet! Maybe I should stop starting from the beginning every time! I shall attempt to leave the street tonight.

Now, do I turn left towards town or right towards the cemetery and the supermarket?

I love this thread!

I often fantasise that I'm a really talented cool musician (usually a drummer, guitarist or singer but this is interchangeable) and all the men I've ever fancied just so happen to be within the audience watching me at a gig thinking wow, she's so cool. I can't sing or play musical instruments.

I also sometimes imagine I'm using the keyboard on an old mobile phone when I'm spelling something out. As in I have to press A-B-C really quickly to get a C letter. Bonkers.

I had three imaginary friends when I was a child, plus I used to spend hours fantasising about us having various adventures, often intertwined with magic, books I'd read and TV programmes.
I still do this, now that we're all grownup. We have gone down different paths, some of them have children of their own and some have interesting or weird careers and pursuits.

When I’m driving or walking around, I identify places where I’d sleep if I were homeless.

Oh my! I LOVE this post! I have a 10 year plus daydream in which I'm actually in my favourite band (from the 90s, still going!) I've got a whole life in my head, I've tamed him, married him and now we live a quiet life with our children in a ransacked 'witchy' cottage.......other times I daydream we're fully at the height of the bands fame, touring the world....

I have joined campervan renovation groups and plan where id go in a campervan and which one id buy despite not being able to drive or have the money to buy one lol I also look at million pound houses for when I win the euro millions . I also joined off grid living houses for sale and like to look despite not being able to buy .

Oh my god ! This is brilliant ! I hope i can't get to sleep tonight so i can start to do this !

Refusing to go in the office three full days a week because I cannot leave my dog

I've been on my own now for about 7 months. I have complete conversations with my dog in which he 'answers' me. He's an elderly dog and can't be left alone due to incessant barking and also a bit grumpy in his old age, so I'm a bit isolated for now. He does go to doggy daycare once a week so I can run errands and have a bit of a social life.

Me; "I think it's time for a little snacky, don't you?"
Me as dog; "Yes, Mummy, I think a little cube of cheese would be lovely"
Me (as me again): "OK, buddy, you've got it. Let's hit the fridge"
Me as dog: "Super!"

We also watch the news together and have interesting conversations about the state of the world.

Town, see what you can pick up from the shops nobody ever thinks to loot!

I actually did do this but for more than 10 weeks a year obvs. It was great!

Ooh, the bicycle shop is in town I shall go armed with a crow bar. Bikes never get utilised enough in the apocalypse.

Might go for Triffids as the reason for the apocalypse rather than zombies on my first venture into town though, I'll probably have better odds of survival.

@Boiledbeetle no they don't, I always think that. You can get quite a bit on a bike.

There's no logical reason for the zombies to gather at the castle rather than, say, the several other local tourist attractions?

If the zombie apocalypse arrived DD and I could be at the castle within 10 minutes (you can literally see it from our guest bedroom window).

Trust me, we have given a lot of thought to this.

I plan imaginary holidays. Have been looking at Jordan, Morocco and Costa Rica this week.

You need the other family members to chuck over the battlements when under siege.

Definitely. I'll bring the prussic acid.