Why do men like this woman so much and women don't?

[Pjy]

I'm interested from a kind of study of the human condition pov, it's interesting to see the different ways people respond.

She's a woman I know through a sport. She's pretty good, but not outstanding. Works hard and deserves what she achieves. She's friendly and sociable, can perhaps be a bit opinionated, but nothing extreme, much less so than some men! She's "ordinary" to look at. Not unattractive, maybe a bit plain and doesn't seem particularly interested in her appearance (a good thing in my book). She's clean and presentable, but not glamorous or interested in clothes and makeup, not the obvious type to gain male attention iyswim.

She's very popular with men. I'm not saying the fancy her (maybe they do, I don't know), but they seem to enjoy being around her, respect her ability and training in a way they don't other, sometimes more successful, women.

Women, including me, just find something a bit off about her. I can't put my finger on it, I don't dislike her, but she's not someone I want to be friends with. Some of the other women really dislike her, but also can't really explain it.

Is it as straightforward as a bit of jealousy, or something else?

She probably dislikes or distrusts women. So she gives off a ‘go away’ vibe. I’ve seen it sometimes with women who prefer the straightforwardness of male friendships. Often due to difficulty with other girls during school/uni.

Women often subconsciously dislike women who seem standoffish or who don’t lean into friendship. Women expect each other to share and stretch towards bonding and when they don’t well… there’s something off about her.

This is all a guess based on observations of course. Could be she’s a serial killer instead.

You sound obsessed with her, this is really creepy

Instead conduct a pseudo study on yourself and figure out why you are doing weird things like this?

she might be average but at least she isn’t posting about you on here in the same manner.

It’s got to be the gym/lifting or running

Crikey this thread is eye-opening. I've always been one of 'those' women, and I never understood it and was accused of being a pick-me a lot, but really really could not be further from the truth. I'm average-looking but I seem to get on better with men and they seem to like spending time with me. By contrast I've always felt on the outside of big groups of women especially. (I do have some very very good female friends from uni - but I find it hard to make any new female friends).

I'm (suspected) neurodivergent, ASD and ADHD and I think it's probably because I miss a lot of social norms that women automatically expect? I often say I feel like an alien and it's like there's a disconnect that can't be bridged.

I don't value certain things that apparently you should, I'm pretty blunt and my way of communication is jokey... I get stuff wrong (and don't realise!) and I no longer pretend to be into something, which can often make women a bit hostile towards me, but men don't seem to care about that in the same way. They just like my jokes.

So yeh. She's probably neurodivergent, and she probably feels comfortable with them. They probably like her because she's straightforward, and isn't 'trying' to get their attention.

Some heavy sexism and nonsense generalities being spouted all over this thread.

lmao a lot of mean women who disguise it under the “I’m like that I don’t need to be pretty!” have come out to play, I see

Newsflash, you can in fact be a beautiful, attractive woman and intelligent as well. Who would have thought..?!

Don’t worry about it, I’m an audhder too, we just see through the BS easier. It seems the term “pick me culture” is just the collective female hierarchy shouting “heretic” at us.

@TheSnappyHelper suspected by who? Yourself?

It’a fascinating how with little to no info about this woman you’ve decided that she must be ND.

@SwatTheTwit suspected by my GP, given that my sisters and mother are both diagnosed. Does that help?

I’ve not seen anyone state anything to the contrary, only commenting of female group dynamics which is entirely different to individual women. I’m sure as an intelligent woman you can understand that difference

Yeah...an awful lot of labels are being pinned on her, and in truth, I bet she is just a nice woman, good fun to be around, with no time for bitchy female bystanders.

If men like her and women don’t, it usually comes down to femininity and self esteem. In my experience women don’t like a certain type of woman for no reason other than men gravitate towards them

It’s fascinating that you’ve read people saying “I’m like this, I have adhd and autism” as this is the only reason someone can act like this and your first instinct is to question someone’s ND status. Why is this?

Growing up with older brothers often makes women more comfortable with men and this annoys some other women?

I wonder if whether it stands out to you as often women who are not ‘accepted’ for want of a better word into a group would not want to do anything to annoy the women further e.g. by being friendly with the men and would attempt to ingratiate themselves as much as possible with the women. This particular women does not seem to fall into this pattern and, as others have said, seems able to ignore the BS and make friends with those that want to be her friends rather than impress those that don’t. Sounds like she has a healthy attitude and is not held back by social conditioning.

Honestly, i think a lot of the time these things become self-fulfilling prophecies with no actual reason.

You join a club, and on day 1 you turn up and the women are all chatting to each other. By chance, one of the men says hello and introduces you to the people he was talking to, who are also mostly men. The women see you, but think "oh she's busy chatting, I'll say hello later" but maybe don'tbither - after all, you'rebusy chatting to the men. Day 2, you turn up, and you say hello to the people you met already, who are mostly men, because of human nature. Women see this and think "God, she only wants to talk to men that's weird, there is something a bit off about her" and that colours their interactions with you. So you continue hanging with the men instead. Eventually, you're seen as weird/standoffish/not a "girls girl" and it's assumed there must be something reason behind it, when it's just chance!

Some women just ooze sex appeal. It's as simply as that.

Men are attracted to confidence and openness. Women who don’t like her are fundamentally threatened by her. Which is a shame because she’s probably really nice.

@Eclipser I was looking for a good book on this topic because I'm just so done with women as potential friends, which really makes me sad because I don't really want to have male friends, and some of my closest friends have been women.

Over time, I've developed the the strong impression that the first questions women ask is themselves or factors they consider when meeting another woman is 'What would my friends think of her and how much would she fit in with them? How would being friends with her reflect on me? Is there a chance that she will outshine me in some way?'

If you're not an 80% fit or higher, you're done. You'll be left out in the cold, socially speaking. The question of 'Do I actually like this person'? seems to be a secondary importance.

It sounds to me like you and the other women are quite cliquey and probably quite typically feminine women and she sounds like she’s neither of those things, so men probably find they have more in common with her

My mum & dad have a friend like this, one of my “aunties”. She is opposite of a pick-me-girl, nonchalant about male attention.

The men in my family, and their wider friend circle have always gravitated towards her. She’s non- threatening, I think.

As in she’s not good-looking at n the same way as my mum (gorgeous when younger) or sexy like my aunt (had a wiggle in her walk)

Somehow, they are attracted to this woman. Fancying her? Yes. But also, in a friend way, in a sister way. There’s a respect.

She’s never been a clothes, make-up, hair person. And the men have never tried it on with her, like they have with the other women.

The women also like her, but what I’ve noticed is that she never courts friendship or tries too hard. She’s the same with her DILs.

They’re all in their 70s now, she hasn’t changed. Growing up, I never wanted to “be” her. But she has that thing you’re talking about!

Interesting point.

From my observation, if you are female society will forgive you for being either attractive or intelligent. Gods help you if you're both.

Some years ago one of my most beautiful female students, who was also a total sweetheart, was one of the most intellectually brilliant of her cohort. She had plenty of people trying to put her down and tell her she was a bimbo - most noticably in her workplace where she had an evening and weekend job. Dreadful.

God that is fucking grim. They sound like knuckle-draggers.

The way they just casually throw a comment like that out there, and I can bet most of those men aren't exactly lookers themselves.

I find it highly interesting and revealing that instead of making a post about that, you seem to be more interested in this woman who hasn't done anything wrong other than having the audacity to be average looking and not be the best at her sport.

So, I know people (women?) want to think badly of me for even considering it, but the different way men and women respond to her really does interest me. I only mentioned looks because I'm aware of pretty priveledge and the way middle aged men are prone to "friendships" with attractive young women, and I doubt that in this case, that is it.

So I had a look though some the group chats where there's been an "undertone" and I've realised that she corrects women much more than she does men. Snippy little comments about minor details, or will reply but you said, when something has changed.

She's not wrong exactly but things that most wouldn't even notice, let alone comment on. And she doesn't do it to the men.

Everything you've said about her makes her seem like a nice person, unapologetically herself, confident in who she is. Friendly to all but doesn't court it, low maintenance and drama free.

I can't see what's not to like about her.

She probably sees the rest of you judging her but she doesn't care. She has no interest in such nonsense.