WWYD persons comment about my child

[penguin816]

We were at a coastal area on bank holiday, in a long queue for ice cream. DS5 was getting pretty fidgety and decided to go over to some shingle adjacent to the queue and play with stacking the stones, all fine. After a while he started playing with some dry dirt and the wind was blowing it into the air. We thought it might blow into the queue so DH went over and told DS to stop playing with the dirt. DS stopped but then quickly started again, so DH said “I can’t let you play with the dirt because it could start blowing over people”, holding DS’s arm as he spoke to him.
At this moment the man in front of me who had been watching turned to his partner and said “just slap him”.

I felt absolutely seething and rage. I stood still and DS and DH went off to look at the sea but for the next 5 minutes I was silently raging. Would other parents have felt this way? I started making all sorts of judgements in my head about the couple who were there with their dog. They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless! Obviously none of this might be true. But I was so furious with the man.

A few minutes later the couples dog started growling at another dog and pulling on its lead. I had to bite my tongue to not say “just slap him”.

When I told my DH afterwards he was furious - he is SUCH a peaceful calm person and never raises his voice but even he said “I want to knock the hat off his head”! (The man was wearing a baseball cap and this was the most violent thing I’ve ever heard DH say)!

Would you have commented, or kept quiet and would you have found it difficult to do so?

Brexit seemed to be the start of this societal shift into public arseholery, for sure.

There were always dickheads but the horrible ones seem extra bold, these days!

They want us all dragged back to the bad old days when you could smoke indoors, hit your kids, kick your dog, watch Bernard Manning on telly and nonchalantly drop a 'p*ki' into general conversation.

I'd have probably kicked the fuck off but appreciate this wouldn't be a helpful or appropriate reaction to have.

T. B. H. I would not have let my child anywhere near DIRT. They were always kept clean and away from danger. A Dog could have Pooped in the dirt the day before, disgusting.!!!!

Oh, no! Won’t someone think of the children?😬

Oh yes I think that’s the nub of it. It’s a culture war! Even though my husband dealt with the behaviour we’ve still got people saying the 5yo should have been able to stand still silently. I’m not sure why we are being accused of “gentle parenting” as if a) that means permissive and b) the child was somehow left to misbehave or throw mud when the whole thing was pre-emptive.

Hoping hopeless!
Bye now!

The thing that people seem to be missing is that this man, while clearly a total arse, didn't confront you or your DH, he didn't speak directly to your child, he didn't make a scene. He said something really unpleasant, but to his partner.

I mean, the world is full of rancid people, and fortunately you never have to see this one again. Why let it affect you so much? I can see you having a momentary flash of fuck you, but surely then you just move on?

What should you have said? Nothing, he wasn’t talking to you

And the assumptions you made about them are pretty judgy to be honest. It’s not a legal requirement to like children.

It is a free country and he’s allowed to express an opinion to his partner, even if you find it distasteful.

People have always disliked children. It’s got worse because the perception is that the world is increasingly child centric and it’s leading to entitled parents and kids.

Oh, you're leaving? Bye! Shame, I was hoping for some more anecdotes. Still, take care. Love to your SIL

I'm in my 50s, and I had my DC in the early 2000s. It wasn't particularly a time for hitting children, or watching Bernard Manning for that matter.

🤣🤣🤣🤣😂

And it would have probably scared the shit out of the child

Some people are so judgmental. OP your comment about childless people was cruel tbh. Agree the comment re slapping was awful but to feel absolute rage was a tad OTT

You lost me at no rings and child free. It's not law to have ring on your finger before having kids 🤣

No doubt it it was in front of the child but in the OP's story, her child left with his father.

I was replying to you claiming you would ‘kick the fuck off’ which would be far more likely to scare the shit out of the kid

What does them having no wedding rings got to do with it?

yes what they said is shitty. But I’ve had people comment about me in a similar way in public about having no wedding ring. Equally as shitty. Both making judgements on people you don’t know.

Yeah, I can read. I'm explaining to you that in the OP's situation I would potentially kick off. In the OP's situation, the kid had left the area. I probably wouldn't kick off in a different situation where my kid was still with me but that's not what the OP is about.

Then you would look unhinged. He made a comment to his partner. He didn’t speak to or threaten the child or the parents. If you had kicked the fuck off all you would have done is entertained the queue and scared the living shit out of any other children who were there

Effective old fashioned form of discipline, we've moved on. It wouldn't make me cross unless I felt I hadn't got the new and better answer to how to deal with it in place

I’d ignore it.
Your parenting was sound - you have nothing to worry about there. You (DH) corrected and insisted when ignored.

I say things under my breath things too. It wasn’t intended for your ears, he can’t help you’re offended by it. Whether his words were correct or not.

Your response to OP's very reasonable reply is crazy. She in no way said all childfree people are capable of making the same comment this bloke did. She just said he MAY be childfree and therefore would add to the ignorance regarding parenting. People without children are objectively unaware of the trials of parenting, doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that. Just as I am ignorant about being a Rocket Scientist because I'm not one. You're just not able to interpret a message well and are deciding to feel personally attacked for some reason.

I’m with you and tbh in a cluster situation like a line I may have also stayed quiet but at the end of the day if we allow offhand comments about things like rape or child abuse and write it off as a “culture war” we are permitting those things to continue to exist within our culture. I don’t speak up often but I would speak up about a reference to hitting children even if offhand, even if made by an older person.