WWYD persons comment about my child

[penguin816]

We were at a coastal area on bank holiday, in a long queue for ice cream. DS5 was getting pretty fidgety and decided to go over to some shingle adjacent to the queue and play with stacking the stones, all fine. After a while he started playing with some dry dirt and the wind was blowing it into the air. We thought it might blow into the queue so DH went over and told DS to stop playing with the dirt. DS stopped but then quickly started again, so DH said “I can’t let you play with the dirt because it could start blowing over people”, holding DS’s arm as he spoke to him.
At this moment the man in front of me who had been watching turned to his partner and said “just slap him”.

I felt absolutely seething and rage. I stood still and DS and DH went off to look at the sea but for the next 5 minutes I was silently raging. Would other parents have felt this way? I started making all sorts of judgements in my head about the couple who were there with their dog. They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless! Obviously none of this might be true. But I was so furious with the man.

A few minutes later the couples dog started growling at another dog and pulling on its lead. I had to bite my tongue to not say “just slap him”.

When I told my DH afterwards he was furious - he is SUCH a peaceful calm person and never raises his voice but even he said “I want to knock the hat off his head”! (The man was wearing a baseball cap and this was the most violent thing I’ve ever heard DH say)!

Would you have commented, or kept quiet and would you have found it difficult to do so?

This is hilarious. The assumption that people in their 50's, without kids with them are childless? OMG 😳I'm 56 & DH is 53. Our kids are 29 & 28, both left home 10 years ago and have homes of their own. We have done all stages of parenting, from newborn through to toddlers, teenagers, University and beyond. The idea that the parents of a 5 year old, would know more than us about parenting is comedy gold! 😝Unfortunately, we see a lot of "gentle" parenting like this, and it does make us eye roll. Your DH told your child to stop throwing dirt, and he didn't stop. You do realise you have a problem here? And that seasoned parents (in their 50's, shock, horror) will pass judgement.

I would replied with "how about I slap you instead?" Without even thinking about it.

Yeah sure, I've ended up getting into battles of words because of similar incidents.... But better than having an internal battle with yourself like you've had.

I'm gonna have to talk from real life experience here. I've said it before and the person making the comment APOLOGISED.
This was over a decade ago when my eldest was 8 and an old man complained about a beer garden door (in a community centre) being left open as children were going in and out. (Not misbehaving) I confronted him, he got sheepish. He tried to deny what he'd said and I told him off because I clearly heard him as did the kids. His companions didn't say a word.
I know what I am doing.

I agree with you. I would react the same way. And if people don't like that response then they shouldn't have said it in the first place.
Personally I wouldn't dare suggest a kid gets slapped, knowing that the parent is going to be offended by it! (Plus a slap rarely solves an issue and I never slapped my own kids: they're very respectful teenagers)

I've heard many expressions which are new to me since joining & wet parenting is the latest. It really made me laugh😂
Children should never be physically disciplined. They do need to understand who is the boss. A look & a stern voice along with resulting consequences for repeated bad behaviour should be enough.

It annoys other parents too... I can assure of that lol.
Nothing worse than pathetic wishy-washy parents practically begging their kids to behave...

And maybe older, more experienced parents (like me btw) should bear in mind that in most of the UK, if not all, the physical chastisement of children is illegal and can be reported by any passing stranger. It's also quite important too that, as we age and maybe lose our hearing, we should remember to not say the quiet stuff out loud.

Gotta be honest, and I’ve never laid a finger on DD, or a dog for that matter. But I do find myself smiling through gritted teeth at some of these “gentle” parents. Not typecasting you as I don’t know you, but the amount of times some little darling will be acting up, annoying people and sometimes behaving dangerously and the parent is trying to have a structured debate with them. I feel like saying please just DO something! 😂

I'd have been angry but probably just seethed in silence .

See this is completely different though, you can’t reason with (or bribe lmao) a baby to quieten them.

Wait until DS is 10, then tell me no parent could possibly consider a slap… I’m joking of course. But come on lmao!

It seems the answers on this thread aren't what you probably expected @penguin816

Oh my goodness! He was so lucky you were reasonable and had the support of your husband. My SIL had this exact thing happen. Her daughter was 5 or 6 at the time and quite prone to spectacular tantrums. She was in the midst of quite a loud one , a man in his later 50's had been walking in front of them ,he turned around and said to my SIL. "Oh for God's sake Slap her!!" My SIL feeling extra harassed and cornered actually flew at the man and lashed out at him. Not a good result. It turned out he was a neighbour of ours from the next drive!

It was a joke, chill out. Obviously they didn’t actually mean it and I’d guess that either your kid was being more annoying than you make out or your husband was being over dramatic by telling him off

They made a judgment about your family. You made judgements about them. Yadda yadda.

What is the point of your story? That your SIL is physically abusive and unable to control herself? Or were you being sarcastic and mocking OP? I genuinely can't tell.

From the posts on here, they annoy those of us with children too! And we have to spend time with them more often.

My DH (70) would say something daft like this 🙄 he never raised his voice let alone smack our daughter when she was small . it just an age thing, I wouldn't let it get to you.

So no wedding ring therefore childless. I’d only expect this from some in their 80s and above as youngest generation who I could envision thinking this.

Your husband wanted to knock his hat off. Again - a bit of an odd one.

There’s some details here which makes this scenario seem off….

I think most have been in lines with badly behaved children who end up blissfully ignoring a weak or no attempt to stop the situation. Often parents smugly looking at their little feral adoringly instead of telling them to pack it in. I’d assume he’s had enough of asshole parents. 🤷‍♀️ not saying it’s you - but I think most would assume that was the situation. I suspect what was meant was just tell him to stop/ pack it in etc.

If this happened, it’s hit a nerve for you both whereas I don’t think it would usually. Either you know deep down parenting isn’t up to scratch or were abused. (Hitting obviously not solution of first). Look into why it’s hit such a nerve and go from there….

What is the point of your story? That your SIL is physically abusive and unable to control herself? Or were you being sarcastic and mocking OP? I genuinely can't tell.
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I was making the point that there are some folks who have less self control. (Like my SIL) The man could have put himself at risk.
Far from being sarcastic ,I was saying that I thought the OP handled it well by rising above it.
I hope this makes things clearer for you.

Childfree too. I would probably think "too late for an abortion" and text my friends to remind them to be grateful that we don't have kids.

Yes, she did very well not to attack someone. What a hero.

Why aren’t 5 year olds expected to be patient in a queue any more? I stood by one in an airport queue the other day who was belting the shit out of his brother and his mother kept saying in a dopey voice ‘he’s just tired’ 🙄. Jeez my DC would’ve just been expected to behave and they would’ve got ‘the look’ if they hadn’t.

Children do get fidgety and bored but letting them throw mud in the air is not a great idea. I’m not surprised other people got pissed off. However ‘old’ and ‘clueless’ they are, nobody wants to be showered with dust and crap.

Probably meant slap your DH for his ineffectual parenting, your DS was told once and was given an explanation, then almost immediately did it again!

I am pretty sure they were making a ( not funny) joke about it, older people aren't monsters you know, mid 70s myself ,my parents didn't slap me either. And childless adults are not clueless about children, they are often the fun uncles and aunties!