WWYD persons comment about my child

[penguin816]

We were at a coastal area on bank holiday, in a long queue for ice cream. DS5 was getting pretty fidgety and decided to go over to some shingle adjacent to the queue and play with stacking the stones, all fine. After a while he started playing with some dry dirt and the wind was blowing it into the air. We thought it might blow into the queue so DH went over and told DS to stop playing with the dirt. DS stopped but then quickly started again, so DH said “I can’t let you play with the dirt because it could start blowing over people”, holding DS’s arm as he spoke to him.
At this moment the man in front of me who had been watching turned to his partner and said “just slap him”.

I felt absolutely seething and rage. I stood still and DS and DH went off to look at the sea but for the next 5 minutes I was silently raging. Would other parents have felt this way? I started making all sorts of judgements in my head about the couple who were there with their dog. They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless! Obviously none of this might be true. But I was so furious with the man.

A few minutes later the couples dog started growling at another dog and pulling on its lead. I had to bite my tongue to not say “just slap him”.

When I told my DH afterwards he was furious - he is SUCH a peaceful calm person and never raises his voice but even he said “I want to knock the hat off his head”! (The man was wearing a baseball cap and this was the most violent thing I’ve ever heard DH say)!

Would you have commented, or kept quiet and would you have found it difficult to do so?

Then you escalate it unnecessarily. Like a PP I have a habit of saying things under my breath (which are sometimes louder than intended) or quietly to someone I am with. You don’t get to police other’s conversations even if you don’t like what is said.

Tackling people for what they say to their partner must be exhausting. He didn’t say it to the child. He didn’t say it to the parents. He wasn’t going to hit the child.

By tackling it like that you risk looking a little stupid, particularly if they verbally put you in your place.

I'm perfectly capable of inferring from a message and the OP was over the line in her childless and clueless comments.

I think in this situation I just worry more about any children those people have exposure to or potentially have in their care as (grand?) parents. I’m not worried about my kid or my reputation or whether I look stupid here it’s more that I worry about adults talking about smacking children as a safeguarding issue. Granted I’m not the guardian of the space in the ice cream line, but if ever there’s an issue worth speaking up over, this might be it

Do you think speaking up would have any positive impact? It won’t.

And a throwaway comment does not make someone a danger to children. I’m middle aged and smacking was normal back in the day - as long as someone isn’t actually threatening it or doing it, it’s just a conversation. So people do speak about it.

If you see someone smacking a child then speak up but you can’t police what people say, especially in a private conversation. And risking an aggressive confrontation in front of children is more harmful than a comment between a man and his partner .

And you don’t have to be concerned about grandchildren as the OP had clearly surmised that they had never had children apparently

With your husbands comment about knocking his hat off, I’m now imagining that he is quite upper class. Colin Firth level maybe?

Rage? That's a bit extreme. I am guessing that you and your dh have a problem with expressing anger (or even knowing you are annoyed) and in an attempt to suppress it completely you are both a bit wet and not very firm in the way you deal with your kid. Then all your suppressed anger came surging up as rage when the man made his idiotic comment. Perhaps you need to learn to be able to feel anger in all the numbers from 2 to 9 and not just at a 1 or a 10. If your ds is doing something annoying and keeps doing it after being asked to stop, it's ok to be firm and express some annoyance.

Jeez, the overreactions on here. Have none of you said you could murder someone? Doesn't mean you would. I've often muttered to my husband about things I wouldn't actually do, they were obviously irritated by your child.

Exactly, hardly a safeguarding issue.

I had a shitty bullying boss years ago and I used to go back to my desk and say to my friend/colleague ‘I swear one day I will knife him’

I wouldn’t and didn’t

Actually it’s a space for anyone and there’s more than just parenting. There is even a board for mumsnetters without children.

As long as it is within the taken guidelines people can comment wherever they like

It's a public forum. I'm perfectly fine being here.

OK go off I guess...

I assumed the rage was menopausal, given that OP is nearly in her 50s. We all know that age group is a different species.

What a complete over reaction!
He didn’t say he’d slap your child fgs. It’s no different to “give em a clip round the ear” or “in my day my dad would have slapped me”.
I would never hit mine or anyone else’s child but would not pay any attention to such a silly flippant comment.
It also sounds like your ds was being annoying. When people have kids they really do see them in a very different light to how everyone else does.

Wait til OP finds out that nearly all beaten kids are beaten by people with children: their parents.

God I wouldn’t have been able to help the comment about the dog 🤣 but would have been mortified if he had smacked it.
Just ignore ignorance in future don’t let it ruin your day.

Maybe, but in my opinion women's rage is never meaningless whether it emerges pre menstrually or menopausally. It is often the emergence of something that otherwise has been suppressed. Something just breaks down in the suppression. Not all menopausal women would have felt rage at this particular comment so there is something particular to op.

i hate it when people attribute women’s feelings to “hormones”.

because women shouldn’t ever be angry, or pissed off, or upset. They’re always unreasonable by default.

i had/have ptsd from a life event as a child. Growing up I was always dismissed as “hormonal”. Not one person stopped to think hang on, maybe this child is upset/angry/emotional for a reason, and we should address that reason. Nope.

women can get angry. It’s not always “hormones”. It can be because they have a reason to be angry. You may not agree with their reaction, but it’s how they feel and shouldn’t be dismissed.

the man who thinks a child should be slapped is middle aged, maybe it’s his hormones? Because that’s the more unreasonable response.

the man who thinks a child should be slapped is middle aged, maybe it’s his hormones? Because that’s the more unreasonable response.

OP is middle aged and quite happy to make sweeping attempts about people in their 50s, and people without children. As have many posters on this thread - many remarks have been made about the guy saying what he said because he's 'old', 'losing his inhibitions' etc. So attributing OP's behaviour to hormones is fair game.

Sounds like the couple were having a quiet interaction as a joke and something they would never act on.

The comment was directed at your parenting of your child. He was told not to do something and did it anyway.

You need to learn to just ignore the ill informed opinions of strangers.

YABVU though to make judgments on their marital and parenting status. I am in my 50s and kids are grown up, but I definitely had them and remember what it was like bringing them up

oh wow ok so no 5year old ever did something they were asked not to and if they did the response is to slap them! Ok then