WWYD persons comment about my child

[penguin816]

We were at a coastal area on bank holiday, in a long queue for ice cream. DS5 was getting pretty fidgety and decided to go over to some shingle adjacent to the queue and play with stacking the stones, all fine. After a while he started playing with some dry dirt and the wind was blowing it into the air. We thought it might blow into the queue so DH went over and told DS to stop playing with the dirt. DS stopped but then quickly started again, so DH said “I can’t let you play with the dirt because it could start blowing over people”, holding DS’s arm as he spoke to him.
At this moment the man in front of me who had been watching turned to his partner and said “just slap him”.

I felt absolutely seething and rage. I stood still and DS and DH went off to look at the sea but for the next 5 minutes I was silently raging. Would other parents have felt this way? I started making all sorts of judgements in my head about the couple who were there with their dog. They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless! Obviously none of this might be true. But I was so furious with the man.

A few minutes later the couples dog started growling at another dog and pulling on its lead. I had to bite my tongue to not say “just slap him”.

When I told my DH afterwards he was furious - he is SUCH a peaceful calm person and never raises his voice but even he said “I want to knock the hat off his head”! (The man was wearing a baseball cap and this was the most violent thing I’ve ever heard DH say)!

Would you have commented, or kept quiet and would you have found it difficult to do so?

FFS. A person in their 50s (although I have no idea how the OP knows that exactly) is not an older man (possibly losing his inhibitions). I always wonder if posters on MN actually know anyone in their 50s? Most of the people I know in their 50s run marathons, have demanding careers, kids still in school are perfectly compos mentis and have never slapped their kids. What a load of absolute garbage.

OP, he's just an arse. He was probably an arse when he was 10 and 25 and 40. He was talking to his partner, not to you. Honestly, I think your reaction is a bit over the top. Just think, fuck you, and move on and enjoy your little boy.

🤔

Do you have repressed trauma? Either tell this weirdo to mind his own business or say you're sorry he had an abusive upbringing or ignore.

I would have said "No thank you" and assumed they were a crap parent.

I tend to not put a lot of emotion into silly people and comments. If he'd come to demonstrate a slap, which I'd welcome, I'd throat punch him but you didn't ask about all that. 😀

OK but you are well aware that slapping children was really very common in the 1970s. Corporal punishment in schools was alive and well then too.

So you'd turn someone making a throwaway comment not directed at you into an active threat.

People here need to grow up and stop turning everything into a drama. Was it nice, no, was it worth creating a bigger deal when it didn't actually effect anyone? Well that would be my logic.

Probably just a throw away comment.
I have to say your assumptions are daft.
They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless!
😆 🤣 😂

Referencing hitting children is never ok I would have also called him out eg asking “oh did you hit your children to teach them?” Or “did your parents hit you when you were younger?” A question isn’t as confrontational but at least causes the person to reflect and calls them out big time
Why on earth would you engage ? You may want them to reflect or think they may do that but in reality you dont know who you are dealing with, especially if they get defensive or think it's a personal attack on them.

There really is something to be said for turning the other cheek and ignoring.
Op will probably never see these people again so no point raging.
Personally I'd choose to keep my blood pressure down, ignore and get on with my day without potentially making drama tbh.

I really think you are overestimating the potency of that zinger

This would have angered me as well op but I'd also have put it down to this person being someone who has a very low threshold/ overly high expectations for children.
We've all been in a queue taking ages and been quietly frustrated with kids acting out when bored. Not because they're doing anything wrong but because standing in a long queue is frustrating in itself. And often listening to a parent having to repeatedly deal with the behaviour is annoying as well. It's just one of those things. Would I ever say "just slap him" no because I'm a mother myself and I would never advocate physical abuse of any child. But equally I'd interpret this as a flippant comment that's rude than anything else and would be annoyed but let it go.

Surely no one would do this on real life. What would the point be

Honestly I do think some children need a slap nowadays to sort out vile behaviour. Yours wasn’t doing anything that bad and your dh dealt with it.

The 'sensitive' ones may be like me who are infertile, would do anything to have children and can't, has been dumped by so many friends the minute they have children and am flipping sick of being judged as having no idea about children because I haven't got my own. I've worked with children for 20 years but would be seen as 'clueless' by people like the OP. I'm calling out these shitty kind of assumptions and comments as I've put up with it for far too long. I won't apologise for it.

I supposed I assumed they must be child free as no parent could possibly say “slap him”

Lol what planet do you live on. Of course they would. Parents hit and abuse their children and other people’s children all the time. And threaten to do so. I never heard any child free person threatening to whack children with a wooden spoon when I was younger. But I heard several parents say it, including my own.

It really isn't. People in their 50s do not routinely say and think these things. Many people of their age are parenting children themselves. They are not much older than OP.
I'd say it was more likely meant as an attempt by the man to be funny in the eyes of his partner by saying something 'outrageous' rather than a serious suggestion.

I have done it in real life, and the guy apologised. I find it wakes people up a bit. Been a mum to three kids for 20 years. If someone makes comments like that about my kids then it's fair game for me to respond how I feel in the moment.
I taught my kids to behave in public and I expect other adults to behave appropriately. My kids know I won't tolerate people who say they should be slapped.

It's not me creating drama, I'm asserting boundaries.

I'm in my 50s and people in my circle of friends didn't hit our kids, but our parents in their 80s definitely did

TBH ‘absolutely seething and rage’ does seem a bit OTT.
Attitudes have changed, that couple were living in the past. Just shrug your shoulders and ignore.

Well it was direct at her kid, so really she would be within her right to reply.

i was born in 1976 so as much as I am aware that corporal punishment was a thing I wasn’t part of it. I was a small child. People in their 50s today didn’t and don’t hit their children as a matter of course. Corporal punishment in schools was outlawed in 1985 when people in their 50s were still children themselves so we are not part of a generation of people who believe in corporal punishment. There will always be arses out there who think a good slap is all that’s needed to discipline a child but the suggestion that people in their 50s just slapped their kids as a matter of course is just nonsense

Lol you don't get to assert boundaries over what people think of your kids behaviour or your parenting. If you are regularly getting comments over whether you should hit them then maybe focus your efforts on improving their behaviour in public.

Oh FFS you were seething and your husband wanted to knock his hat off (lol)? Get a grip OP, he didn't even say it to you!

That's the type of thing my family would say and be completely taking the proverbial. "A good smack will sort that out". The other person wouldn't react or laugh because it's just something silly said to pass the time while standing in a queue observing the world around you.

I do get to asset boundaries of what people can say to me, that I will and won't tolerate.
And no I don't regularly get told I should hit my kids and I certainly didn't when they were little. As I said I've been a mum for 20 years. They do not and never did have a behaviour issue. Maybe you shouldn't make assumptions, but I'm sure you will continue to do so regardless as it's easier to type crap to strangers on forums than it is to dare say such things to someone in real life, isn't it.

Stop giving random comments so much headspace!

And this sentence doesn't cover you with glory tbh " They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless!"

Was about to say something very similar. Depressing how these ideas about childless/childfree people being child-haters/not having any valid opinions on parenting still persist.

Older person here, not chld-free. I also would never say this, just to nip the ageism in the bud too.