WWYD persons comment about my child

[penguin816]

We were at a coastal area on bank holiday, in a long queue for ice cream. DS5 was getting pretty fidgety and decided to go over to some shingle adjacent to the queue and play with stacking the stones, all fine. After a while he started playing with some dry dirt and the wind was blowing it into the air. We thought it might blow into the queue so DH went over and told DS to stop playing with the dirt. DS stopped but then quickly started again, so DH said “I can’t let you play with the dirt because it could start blowing over people”, holding DS’s arm as he spoke to him.
At this moment the man in front of me who had been watching turned to his partner and said “just slap him”.

I felt absolutely seething and rage. I stood still and DS and DH went off to look at the sea but for the next 5 minutes I was silently raging. Would other parents have felt this way? I started making all sorts of judgements in my head about the couple who were there with their dog. They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless! Obviously none of this might be true. But I was so furious with the man.

A few minutes later the couples dog started growling at another dog and pulling on its lead. I had to bite my tongue to not say “just slap him”.

When I told my DH afterwards he was furious - he is SUCH a peaceful calm person and never raises his voice but even he said “I want to knock the hat off his head”! (The man was wearing a baseball cap and this was the most violent thing I’ve ever heard DH say)!

Would you have commented, or kept quiet and would you have found it difficult to do so?

OP said nothing about all childless people being clueless

No one's twisting anything - that's literally what OP wrote. "Childless and therefore clueless" I believe were the exact words. Which is unfortunate for your point.

I would have raised my eyebrow and curled my lip in disgust and pointedly turned away

It's a reflection on them, nothing else. It wouldn't have made me furious

Your dh was so angry he wanted to "knock his hat off his head" 😂😂
Mc, mn at it's best 😂😂

What!!! The OP had a man say something vile and totally unnecessary about her child. For those that hate children so much dont go out!

Come on OP it wasn’t that long ago when children were supposed to do as their parents asked and not be coaxed or distracted into behaving.

He meant your approach was too softly softly and to take a firmer line. Basically he’s thinking out loud. I wouldn’t have said anything or changed my approach but I think it’s strange how this is alien to you.

I'm not sure why you bit your tongue, it would have been very appropriate to tell him, with a big smile, to slap his dog.

I agree. Unfortunately they could well have brought up their own children with this parenting style. I was advised by a relative who is a father of four to give by then three year old a " good slap" when he wasn't behaving as this idiot thought he should

They sound like low-life idiots and really not worth stewing over. Probably sad and frustrated with their own shitty lives so they get their kicks from making comments like these. They'd probably have loved it if you'd answered back. Ignore!

I would have ignored them. There's no winning arguments with people who have fundamentally different points of view than you, and I don't invite trouble when my child is around. I think your reaction was extreme. People you don't know disapproved of your child's behaviour and made a comment amongst themselves. What's the be so furious about?

Had you challenged him he probably have said he wasn’t referring to the situation with your DS or he might have given you a mouthful of expletives.

However, not wearing a wedding ring doesn’t class adults as child- free and clueless…..please don’t tar us all with the same brush OP.

It was just a comment, not worth getting in a rage about.

I think that you should work on your assertiveness, if this is typical of the way you respond to minor irritations. Just say ‘If I need parenting advice, I’ll be sure to ask’ or ‘Thanks for that!’ or ‘Alas, DH forgot the thumbscrews today’. Don’t stand meekly and then seethe on the internet.

Rage? Anger? Seething? No. They are all disproportionate emotions to a throw away , (even if ignorant) comment. Letting it affect you to that level isn’t normal.

same here.

I'm well into my 50s and wasn't slapped as a child, nor would I have ever slapped my own children. Can we stop the casual ageism please.

I was in a queue for ice creams recently and had my puppy (on a lead). Two little kids in front, who were bored of waiting, started picking up stones and flicking them about. Their mum smiled indulgently. I was thinking, woah, careful with the stones, buddy. Then one of the kids took a handful of pebbles and THREW it at my puppy! I was absolutley gobsmacked. I said 'hey!' what on earth did you do that for?' The kid started crying and the mum had a go at me. Anyway, that does not totally speak to your story, but that parent definitely should have nipped the stone fiddling in the bud, pdq.

You will find that both children and wet parenting become more annoying when you age OP. When that happens remember not to verbalise what you're feeling.

I couldn’t get worked up over what you’ve described @penguin816The couple were clearly in the wrong with outdated ideas about parenting, but you’re not asking them to mind your child or anything. There are hills to die on and this wouldn’t be mine.

This should be an AIBU?

Raging? Just roll your eyes, ignore and move on 🙂

Someone in their 50s is statistically more likely to have children than not surely. They may not have of course but so odd that you jump to that conclusion, as opposed to their children are teenagers or older and can be left at home, this is a 2nd relationship so are unmarried etc.

For someone in your 40s, your assumption is bizarre.

But the most bizarre comment of all is that no one with children would make such a comment - who do you think is committing most child abuse? You obviously live in a bubble if you think parents don't hit their children

I would have just ignored the comment - it's just an older man (possibly losing his inhibitions) comparing with their own parenting norms. So what?

I wonder why you've reacted so personally though? Are you actually doubting the way you parent? Are you concerned about that, and it's triggering something more?

He made an ignorant comment but you have also made some ignorant comments on this thread. Your reaction to the 'slap him' comment is totally over the top as well as your assumptions about people in their 50s, childless, unmarried.

Neither the man in the queue nor you sound very understanding. You both sound as bad as each other.

Exactly

1. yes I would be seething
2. No, I wouldn’t assume that an older couple without wedding bands were unmarried and childless
3. being childless doesn’t equate to being clueless
4. perhaps you didn’t have the situation under control and were annoying people around you - did that cross your mind? Part of good parenting is teaching your child to be considerate of others.
5. there are many people with children who are clueless

Previous generations of children knew there would be consequences for bad behaviour so they mostly toed the line.
We are now seeing the results of the gentle parenting/,no parenting at all, and we have increasingly younger children displaying horrendous behaviour with little or no accountability.
I wonder where it will end