WWYD persons comment about my child

[penguin816]

We were at a coastal area on bank holiday, in a long queue for ice cream. DS5 was getting pretty fidgety and decided to go over to some shingle adjacent to the queue and play with stacking the stones, all fine. After a while he started playing with some dry dirt and the wind was blowing it into the air. We thought it might blow into the queue so DH went over and told DS to stop playing with the dirt. DS stopped but then quickly started again, so DH said “I can’t let you play with the dirt because it could start blowing over people”, holding DS’s arm as he spoke to him.
At this moment the man in front of me who had been watching turned to his partner and said “just slap him”.

I felt absolutely seething and rage. I stood still and DS and DH went off to look at the sea but for the next 5 minutes I was silently raging. Would other parents have felt this way? I started making all sorts of judgements in my head about the couple who were there with their dog. They were 50’s, no wedding rings and I assumed child-free and therefore clueless! Obviously none of this might be true. But I was so furious with the man.

A few minutes later the couples dog started growling at another dog and pulling on its lead. I had to bite my tongue to not say “just slap him”.

When I told my DH afterwards he was furious - he is SUCH a peaceful calm person and never raises his voice but even he said “I want to knock the hat off his head”! (The man was wearing a baseball cap and this was the most violent thing I’ve ever heard DH say)!

Would you have commented, or kept quiet and would you have found it difficult to do so?

This is true but it doesn't really apply to the OP's situation. Sounds like her DH was addressing the problem and they weren't ignoring their child's behaviour at all.

I don't really understand why complete strangers feel the need to make judgemental comments to other people in public. It's really never going to have a positive outcome and is very rude.

I would definitely have commented!

I'd have replied and said "No, but I'm happy to slap you. Mind your own damn business"

Whilst there may be some grains of truth in that the OPs son's behaviour was not "atrocious". And whilst I tended towards a more direct parenting approach I can also remember that self same upwelling of disproportionate rage when something "threatened" my small children. Equally, now I'm older, I can empathise with those who are bored, bored, bored of the endless, ineffective begging of children to behave.

Humsn beings are both contradictory and flawed, what can you do?

It's a pity you didn't make the slapping comment to him regarding his dog though @penguin816 , that would have been hilarious and the perfect riposte.

I’d have just ignored him

Agreed. I’m 50 and my husband 55. We weren’t slapped as children and our own children are young teenagers so we were parenting small children ten years ago… not during the 1960s 🙄 if op became a parent at 43 she’s also not so far off her 50s… it’s certain types of people not their age

That clearly wasn't the case here though was it?
The OP'S DH was dealing with the situation calmly.

I would have felt exactly the same OP, but I'm afraid I wouldn't have been able to bite my tongue.

You did the right thing 👏

So being annoyed by a child gives you the right to threaten to hit them?

Personally, I would have just let it go over my head. I probably would have rolled my eyes and then forgot about it.

Ah yes the famous elderly 50s where you start saying every inappropriate thing that pops into your head. Maybe he has dementia 🙄

Just incase you didn't know OP, a couple without children aren't necessarily clueless! It's a tiresome belief.

Nobody threatened to hit anyone, get a hold of yourself.

I think it was a bad joke. I would just think arsehole and move on with my day. No point wasting any more energy on it.

Some people are just horrible, if only I could slap everyone who irritated me in public 😂

When did he threaten the child? Or do you think he was instructing his partner to, as that was who he directed his comment to?

Had he said "I'm going to slap him!" or "Bring him to me for a slap!" , or made any comment to the child or parents, you might have a point. However, he made a comment to his partner, probably in frustration at being showered in dirt.

I agree with the above ^. It wouldn’t really hit a nerve for me, DS’s behaviour wasn’t that bad and I don’t think the man was really being serious. I would think either he was making a frustrated joke or he’s just an unpleasant man. I wouldn’t be looking for a ring on his finger and using that to assume he had no children. People made jokes about a “clip round the ear” all the time when I was a kid but no one I know was ever actually given one

I think he was suggesting the OP hit him, the man was obviously never going to hit him

I don't think it'd have bothered me to be honest, smacking kids was very normal even in the 80s and 90s, it's obviously not the done thing now, but they perhaps felt it was a sympathetic "kids eh!" Comment or just vague "in my day/bloody modern parenting". It's a bit of a rude thing to have said within your hearing but I'd only have seethed if they'd actually done something!!! People say all sorts of crap, let it wash over you.

I wouldn't have said anything because truly there is no point picking fights with silly little arseholes, but I would also have silently judged them for being stupid, cruel, or both.

Especially because they didn't even have a well trained dog! If you've failed to properly socialise the most biddable animal on this planet why would you ever think you had anything useful to say about disciplining children 😂

I hope they don't hit their poor dog when it's naughty though.

WWID? I would have ignored it until their dog started growling at the other dog then said "oh just slap it"

And then ignored whatever happened afterwards.

You overheard something that you didn’t like. Unfortunately all types of people exist in society. These people will have forgotten about this now and you need to as well. There’s no point trying to dissect it on social media. Move on.

I'm not surprised you were angry. But there are some very ignorant people around who think they know everything about child rearing.
I would have been tempted to say something about their badly behaved dog too

Indeed. Judgemental comments from smug parents also annoy childless people. Which doesn't mean they all think children should be slapped.

Referencing hitting children is never ok I would have also called him out eg asking “oh did you hit your children to teach them?” Or “did your parents hit you when you were younger?” A question isn’t as confrontational but at least causes the person to reflect and calls them out big time

That would’ve shocked me too. I’m not very good at keeping quiet when I’m upset, so I probably would have said something. Well done you for not losing your temper.