Should I open my house to the public to get tax relief to fix my roof?

[LadyCustardCreme]

This is a legal tax relief system, ist it? I can open up my house, cordon off a route, give guided tours and then let people wander around the garden and then sell them a cup of tea and a bit of cake? What else do I need apart from a bit of advertising and public liability insurance?

Agree. There must be some sort of memorial to Great Great etc Uncle Leopold Creme, Officer and hero, who died of his wounds at Laing's Nek aged 20.

Call your pigeons doves, have a dove cote on top of your shed.

Their shit is actually guano*.

You can sell it in the shop as fertiliser in tiny bags for £35.

*not to be confused with guacamole. I've made that mistake and it's not good

I'm uncommonly baffled by Herr Hitler's positioning among the angling adventures. Perhaps the angler overcame his residual fish empathy with phrases such as Bei Beginn und Führung eines Krieges kommt es nicht auf das Recht an, sondern auf den Sieg. Herz zu Pity verschließen! Brutal handeln!

I’m actually choking on my Easter fish pie leftovers lunch 😂

Oh I love this thread, bravo OP. Makes a lovely change from mad Presidents and general doom and gloom. 😊

Genius, I need to read this later. We might do the same, period 1970s kitchen and bathroom is a feature right?

I'm sure you're right. 😂

One of the many things I want to do when I retire is to learn German. When I have achieved that goal, I shall return to this thread and read your post again!

Don’t forget your Christmas Lights Trail - bung some fairy lights in the garden and charge them £20 to wander round.

You need a maze. Have you got room for one at the bottom of the garden? It doesn’t have to be very big and you can charge an extortionate entrance fee.

Sod the stately home! How did you get MN to list numbers without it reverting to 1.1. 1.

We need to know!!!!

Corrugated cardboard and green felt should do the job.

Stick a blue plaque on your wall saying something like 'John Lennon Lived Here'. It might help.

ooh great ideas - apparently some person who i never heard of did live here and someone in village trying to get a blue plaque
i probably need to finish replastering first as its a mess inside and out but i'll be inviting lady custard creme to cut the ribbon for sure
thank you x

I’ll buy a new hat.

And you don’t need to finish replastering as your walls are currently characterful and OG - it’s the modern equivalent of wattle and daub.

Consider installing a faux-chimney. It will pay for itself within a week. Also suggest live instrumental music performances in the foyer, for an extra charge.

Oh I have enjoyed this thread so much. Thank you Op x

This thread is just beautiful.

Yes please!

There are a few old photos in the village. Good idea.

And to the PP who mentioned swords and water pistols - old Nerf guns would be the same, don’t you think?

That could be me, pretending to be the Housekeeper.

I have a couple of those metal obelisks that you use to grow your sweet peas up?

When are you available?!

If you commit a grisly murder in one of the rooms that would greatly increase the interest and revenue.

I do think a moustache helps with the illusion of being a male butler.
I'll stop plucking my upper lip, & let you know when I'm ready.