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Original poster

Should I open my house to the public to get tax relief to fix my roof?

230 replies

LadyCustardCreme · 06/04/2026 22:01

This is a legal tax relief system, ist it? I can open up my house, cordon off a route, give guided tours and then let people wander around the garden and then sell them a cup of tea and a bit of cake? What else do I need apart from a bit of advertising and public liability insurance?

OP posts:
SabrinaThwaite · 12/04/2026 19:35

Efrogwraig · 12/04/2026 08:31

Go easy on the peacocks. Peacock poo is truly the most evil smell in the world.

I see your peacocks, and raise you to penguins. They might look like cute little waiters and / or tiny nuns, but by god they stink.

Original poster
LadyCustardCreme · 13/04/2026 00:19

JumpLeadsForTwo · 11/04/2026 16:29

Do you have any dolls left over from when they were young? Dress them up and pose them behind a rope and make a ‘tableau’

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Sadly not. But I was clearing out my late departed Mama’s house and found a knitted toy. The type you’d find illustrated on jars of preserve about 50 years ago. I asked the young people if a museum would want it and they disdainfully put it in the bin.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyCustardCreme · 13/04/2026 00:21

InMySpareTime · 12/04/2026 06:20

Just make sure none of the crockery is writing side up, or you’ll have to make up some nonsense about the long-vanished IKEAni people, closely related to the Iceni, and famous for their brightly coloured ceramics.

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Pro tip. Thank you.

OP posts:
Original poster
LadyCustardCreme · 13/04/2026 00:24

MyJobNow · 12/04/2026 12:21

Your Ladyship,

Would you be looking for a bucolic gardener to help with the atmosphere?

I be able to nonsensically answer gardening questions with an unfathomable Wesscunree accent, grumble about how “…this were all fields when I were a boy!” and snarl affectionately at “..them little basserds wotbe messin up Her Ladyship’s grass”

I’s got me own leather waistcit’, straw hat, red and white spotted neckerchief, battered straw hat, well-worn but delightful to the touch, moleskin trousers.

Trudging around yourn estate with a trug and antique secateurs while takin’ advantage of the sun to bronze up me muscles would, I think, My Lady, be more useful to you than a sundial.

I be the proud holder of an NVQ L1 in Forelock Tugging and would be happy to swap the straw hat for a tweed cap if you’d prefer to see me wringing it in my strong, rough, hands.

All I be askin’ is tea and cake on the hour every hour but am open to negotiation with whatever else My Lady might suggest.

Yours most respectfully,

Mellors.

Mellors? I thought you were Gummidge.

OP posts:
JumpLeadsForTwo · 13/04/2026 06:50

LadyCustardCreme · 13/04/2026 00:19

Sadly not. But I was clearing out my late departed Mama’s house and found a knitted toy. The type you’d find illustrated on jars of preserve about 50 years ago. I asked the young people if a museum would want it and they disdainfully put it in the bin.

Show quote history

Best place for that kind of toy. You didn’t perchance find a haunted doll though did you to put in a locked glass cabinet? That kind of find would bring additional revenue

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