Should I open my house to the public to get tax relief to fix my roof?

[LadyCustardCreme]

This is a legal tax relief system, ist it? I can open up my house, cordon off a route, give guided tours and then let people wander around the garden and then sell them a cup of tea and a bit of cake? What else do I need apart from a bit of advertising and public liability insurance?

Damn, DD was given a thimble to commemorate HMTheQueenMum’s 100th birthday which went in the bin. I should have kept it and made that the historical feature.

GIFT SHOP! I forgot the gift shop. Could I put this in DH’s garden and swap the lawnmower for my homemade pin cushions in the shape of Donald Trump?

We could join up and offer those deals you get in tourist areas where you buy a pass for €109,000.00 to see 150 attractions within a 3-day window.

Yes! And get me out of any insurance claims for those guaranteed injuries.

Make a special feature of your utility room being the servants’ quarters,

Is it wrong that I want to do this? I've renovated a lot of thrifted items. I can just see myself pointing these out to people.

Gosh, yes, thank you. So much to think about. It’s the little details that make all the difference. I don’t have thistles in my garden but a lot of dandelions. That’s almost the same, isn’t it?

You missed a trick there-crazy golf course.

Put a velvet rope around your kitchen table.

I don't think you can actually claim tax relief unless you have a crappy timber sculpture of the Gruffalo.
You also need an educational activity trail for children that is so dull they feel literally sick with disappointment and start to cry

Now that we’ve knocked it down it is in the shape of a giant penis but we did inherit it from the former owners so it definitely has a historical element.

Do you charge through the nose for kids ice creams?

Yes - good idea! And then explain that I had to sack them for their slovenly ways.

Can I sell these in my gift shop?

Ooooh. And I could charge extra. You see, THIS is what Mumsnet is for. If I raised this idea with my husband he would automatically say no and put a lot of obstacles in the way.

Well, or get one of the kids to wear a mob cap?

Absolutely. And set it for dinner and put a naice floral display in the centre. Has anyone been to Ann Hathaway’s house in Stratford? You can watch real people in costume eat their lunch. We can do the same. God, this sounds superb

Do you have a dressing-up box of servant clothes to put in there? Add a full-length mirror and a camera, and charge a further £5 for a photo

Ideally, you should be open by pre-appointment only on the 7th Tuesday of every month so long as there isn’t a 2 in the year.

Yes, a trail - you need a theme. A series of numbered pictures of something like a badger in different poses, or lots of types of seeds, of which the children must find all in order to win a picture of an Easter egg.

Maybe related to the name of your house - I assume of course it has a name!!! A number won't do!

My husband is an accountant. He could explain profit and loss, capital allowance and corporation tax in a quiz which they will never be able to answer so we’ll save money on the non existent prizes.

This time last year I went to Versailles and was delighted to see a huge border in bright yellow - entirely from dandelions. If it’s good enough for them…

That's such a lovely idea but I'm not sure if I could keep up with demand.

Do I have to sell icecreams? That involves effort of going to the freezer and getting it out for them. Instead I could sell mini bags of Maltesers that are left out in full sun so all the chocolate has melted off into a pool at the bottom of the bag.

Sadly they are too old and uncooperative.