Should I open my house to the public to get tax relief to fix my roof?

[LadyCustardCreme]

This is a legal tax relief system, ist it? I can open up my house, cordon off a route, give guided tours and then let people wander around the garden and then sell them a cup of tea and a bit of cake? What else do I need apart from a bit of advertising and public liability insurance?

I’d also forgotten about the plant sale. One of our front lawns (yes, I genuinely have more than one) is notorious for ants so I could designate that as the family picnic area. The other lawn could have outdoor seating to watch the live action entertainment opposite. No need for Shakespeare or Jane Austen when you have Reality Theatre.

He should be able to do both. The kids petting zoo is normally open during the day when all kids are in school or nursery, Monday to Friday. The only people who go are grannies and babies wrapped up for the Antarctic.

If you have a tea room with home made cake and a downstairs loo go for it.

I am actually Lady Custard De La Crème, an ancient Huguenot family , notable for weaving the truth.

Good idea! DD is getting married next year. We could trial her wedding here first to find out what could possibly go wrong.

I have to go to Raby Castle! I’ve seen a few taxidermied dogs, cats and birds before. We get lots of dead rats, rabbits and squirrels on the road. I could use those? No need to waste money on taxidermy, All I have to do is replace them once a week when they start to smell. Summer is coming, after all.

Yes! And I think Monopoly can be personalised too?

My husband makes mead! He’s keen on giving up work and starting a new life as a brewer! I’ll tell him to get in touch 😊

Do you have a library? Just stick all the kids’ old books on a bookcase in the hall, nobody will know it’s not a proper historical library.

Or get a load of those old video cases that were disguised to look like books. I’m sure you’ll find some if you trawl enough charity shops.

As I recall, Raby Castle also has billions and billions of guns and swords arranged in nice circular patterns on the wall of the Great Hall.

Do you have enough old water pistols for your hall?

EDIT: Oh and a big "Yes!" to the roadkill. Apart from anything else it would keep out plebian riffraff with no stomach for the glorification of death that is the hallmark of our grreat aristicracy.

What is it with national trust and ‘natural play areas’ 😂 a few shite chopped logs and a plank. And some sticks to make a den.

Have plastic boards with old grainy photos of the house "as it used to be" with incredibly dull explanatory text in dark red font.

You can use old Google maps or RightMove.

Sometimes, have a winsome old lady on the front door who explains that in spite of your published opening hours, The Property Is Closed Today because The Family Is In Residence. But <encouraginingly> they are very welcome to look around the garden.

Make sure you are out, just to be annoying.

Excellent idea - and one I saw in real life at the stately home I went to yesterday.

By the way - offer your house as a location for film crews. You might not get Bridgerton but you could strike lucky with Midsomer Murders.

An obelisk. That's what the OP needs. Either that or a pagoda.

I still have a Butler's outfit I made for an AmDram play - I've even got a silver salver for delivering the morning's post.
I'd be happy to reprise my role, just re-imburse petrol costs & supply me with chocolate cake.

He'd have to be the size of the pointy bit of my elbow, so really small. On the other hand it would have been really easy for him to hide, so all-in-all a genius idea.

There is good archaeological evidence to show that a lot of people in C16th England were approximately the size of Playmobil figures.

I swear to god that this is a genuine photo that I took of a bookshelf at a National Trust property in Norfolk. I also have a photo of an eye popping figurine chess set that took itself literally. Times were different then blah blah blah but why have it on display today?!

No. That would be common and very non-U.

You’ll need an over priced guide book too. Preferably one with lots of words and very few pictures to make it particularly dull.

You've missed a trick by not having an Easter egg trail, but you could start the Halloween one early to make up for it.

You could also dress up and do cooking demonstrations in the kitchen?

Would one of the DC be an artist in residence? They don’t need to be ever there, just advertise eye wateringly expensive painting workshops that are impossible to book.

Don’t forget you’ll need to enter and exit through the gift shop to maximise your revenue.

And have you thought about having a civil war re-enactment on the lawn? Or, even better, a medieval festival with hog roasts (great money spinner) and jousting?

Me in Waterstone's later today:

"Good afternoon, do you by any chance happen to have a copy of 'Battles with Giant Fish' by F.A. Mitchell Hedges...?"

I won't be asking for the other one, I'm not crazy.😂

Speak to your local police, get the knives handed in via recent amnesty schemes and create a feature wall like this https://hungryeditor.com/post/89714160654/guns-swords-at-blair-castle-in-blair-atholl

Tell me if it works. Mine needs rethatching.

I’ll answer some more later but yours is perfect for opening up and charging £€££

Firstly, Google previous house owners. Then look them up in local history records. The key is to find a real person who lived in your house.

3. get a blue plaque
4. make up an entire backstory for the family who lived there
5. have a declutter and bring in a few artisan bread tins and spinning wheels
6. look up the John Clare Peasant Poet for inspo
7. invite me round to cut the ribbon for your Grand Opening and I’ll even buy a hat.