Being told my grandad had died
My mother is a narcissist,my father and enabler,one brother is the golden child,my other brothers are the ignored children and im the scapegoat
My mother decided when I was very young,that any problems she had where my fault so shipped me out to my darling grandad
He wasnt perfect but he was my rock-he shaped me into the woman I am now and I was his carer from a very young age
We adored each other
Anyway,when I was about 12/13 he fell asleep in his chair and woke up and asked who I was
He also asked for his own name and where was he?
He seemed to understand and I was too young to understand
I went back to my mother and told her what had happened and was told not to be so stupid and to stop telling lies
A doctor was called in for a home visit (i dont know who rang them) and walked in and he asked grandad the day and month and who was the prime minister?
Of course grandad said 'I dont know'
The doctor looked at me and said 'its dementia' and walked out-id never heard that word before and certainly didnt understand it
I noticed he'd started putting rubbish in cupboards,wasnt bathing (he was always a smart man),wasnt shaving (unheard of) and getting angry with me over nothing
About 2 weeks later,he was found walking up and down the street,in his pyjamas,no slippers and it was snowing looking for my granny (who had died long before I was born) as he wanted to say goodbye before he went off to war but he was very upset that he couldn't find her
Family who id never met and certainly hadn't bothered with him for years,suddenly showed up and whipped him into a home
I found out by coming home as normal after school,everything I owned was in a skip and I was told I had 2 minutes to get what hadn't been chucked and to leave
I remember going back to my parents and seeing how my mothers face dropped when I told her-she really didnt want me back under her roof
I'd go see him in the home 4/5 times a week but he didnt have a clue who I was (the family didnt bother going to see him-it was only me) and seeing him go from the most intelligent man I've ever known reduced to a shell almost killed me
My mother got a phone call to say that he wasnt going to make the next 24 hours and if she wanted to say goodbye,now would be a good time (she'd not seen him in the flesh for years and had never visited him in the home)
She never passed that message onto me
This would have been the Monday and I rocked up on the Wednesday-im told he'd hung on,whispering my name and 'pushing' something unseen away while muttering 'not now,my name'
I said the most painful 'i love you' and he opened his eyes and saw me,but I didnt know that was going to be the last time I ever saw him,he knew but I didnt
The next day he was gone
I've never felt pain like it-i was 14 and my rock,the only person that loved me,had shaped me and done everything for me had gone
My mother prodded me awake with 'grandads gone,he'd dead,now get up and get ready for school'
Of course my mother made his funeral all about her,how she was the best dil in the world and how much she'd done for him while I was shoved at the back and ignored like I was nothing by his adult dc and other grandchildren
My family took the line 'hes dead,move on and forget him' and I had zero support-i wasnt allowed to cry or mention his name
I really struggled turning 28 as id lived half my life without him and think of him every single day
I hope I do him proud