Page 25 | What is an experience you never want to experience again in your lifetime?

Blueyrocks · 09/04/2026 19:54

Beachtastic · 09/04/2026 19:47

I hear you, on the sibling/parental death trauma thing, and the "Ooohh, that must be nice" feeling when you see/read/hear about closer and more supportive bonds.

What I realised recently is that we are each losing very different versions of the same parent, as we all had such different experiences and interpretations of that person. I keep telling myself that this explains why my siblings behaved in ways I found incomprehensible and often cruel.

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Ah, man - this is why I post here! I could never have found those words, but exactly: different versions of the same parent, and me and my siblings were all just demanding that we each recognise the other one's version.

Beachtastic · 09/04/2026 19:57

Blueyrocks · 09/04/2026 19:54

Ah, man - this is why I post here! I could never have found those words, but exactly: different versions of the same parent, and me and my siblings were all just demanding that we each recognise the other one's version.

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Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The appreciation is mutual, you just put this into words for ME:

me and my siblings were all just demanding that we each recognise the other one's version

💗

Blueyrocks · 09/04/2026 19:58

@Beachtastic sorry you've had this experience too, but I am so grateful for the understanding & recognition 💜

Leavemealone66 · 09/04/2026 20:12

Blueyrocks · 09/04/2026 19:20

Another one from me - watching my dad die from complications arising from his addictions, and having an absolutely horrific row with DB about it, because he refused to be there.

There was high emotions all around. DB was physically abused on a regular basis, but I thought he'd regret not being there for dad's death. Everything got out of hand, he accused me of becoming 'complicit' and a people pleaser and "returning to the fold" and called me a gaslighting bitch and a coward. I accused him of turning into the same sort of person dad was (which he definitely did for a while, but by then had done so much to turn around from). All of this while DB2 watched - so he got dragged into it - trying to stick up for me because he feels like he owes me loyalty, but definitely he disagreed with me that DB should be there. Ugly, ugly stuff. I regret bringing it up at all. DBs comments still hurt. He apologised, so did I, and we're ok again, but honestly, I dream about the sorts of sibling bonds you see on TV.

Anyone else finding this thread kind of therapeutic? I'm saying stuff here I never talk about irl

Family relationships are so complicated and difficult so many layers. Its good that you and your brother are talking again.

Yes definitely therapeutic. It allows you to share difficult times in life without someone trying to fix it. And no judgement. But understanding and empathy.

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2026 20:15

Eeriefairy · 09/04/2026 18:48

This is implying that only people who haven’t been through anything “really bad” would have struggled with the lockdown. Which is not at all true and only shows your lack of empathy, or understanding of others experiences.

Abusive households that the victims (disproportionately women and children, of course) had literally no escape from. No school, no work, just 24/7 in a pressure cooker together. Patients being neglected because staff were so afraid of Covid they just wanted to keep their distance. I know an old lady who was found dead with toilet roll in her stomach because she hadn’t been being fed and had ended up eating the toilet roll.

I’m not going to list all the horrors, but do you really need it all spelling out? Haven’t you heard about or considered anyone else’s experiences before? It gets a lot worse than having a “crappy relationship” or a frail parent and you don’t need much imagination to see how lockdown could make any difficult or painful experience worse.

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No it isn't, I actually wrote

"...or there were other things going on like a crappy relationship or a dependent and frail parent or you had to work in a high risk environment..."

The fact I didn't have an abysmal time during lockdown absolutely doesn't mean other people didn't and I haven't said that anywhere. I said, quite clearly, several times now that for me based on my life experiences it wasn't that bad.

Other peoples experiences are obviously different and their experiences and feelings about it are every bit as valid as mine.

Blueyrocks · 09/04/2026 20:33

Leavemealone66 · 09/04/2026 20:12

Family relationships are so complicated and difficult so many layers. Its good that you and your brother are talking again.

Yes definitely therapeutic. It allows you to share difficult times in life without someone trying to fix it. And no judgement. But understanding and empathy.

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Yes - no one trying to fix it is a big thing. And no one taking a side or feeling insulted or defensive or whatever.

Me and DB1 are getting on fine, though he kind of keeps a distance from us all, and I really understand. Another poster mentioned that she (or he?) tried to take the heat off siblings, and I know DB did that for us, and suffered awfully as a result. Just, I think he was so young he didn't consciously realise that's what he was doing, and he kind of resents us now because of it. I don't know. Me and DB2 are close, but dad's death was the closest to a row with him. First time he's ever saw me as in the wrong in a family argument! Ouch.

Eeriefairy · 09/04/2026 21:18

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2026 20:15

No it isn't, I actually wrote

"...or there were other things going on like a crappy relationship or a dependent and frail parent or you had to work in a high risk environment..."

The fact I didn't have an abysmal time during lockdown absolutely doesn't mean other people didn't and I haven't said that anywhere. I said, quite clearly, several times now that for me based on my life experiences it wasn't that bad.

Other peoples experiences are obviously different and their experiences and feelings about it are every bit as valid as mine.

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It seemed very dismissive and minimising to say “If you've lived a carefree existence up to that point, or…” which you have missed out of your quote there, and as I pointed out, crappy relationships, dependents and frail parents are the tiny tip of the iceberg of what people went through so that still seems minimising.

I don’t mean for this to sound like an attack. I have been finding it healing reading people’s experiences and feeling less alone with the pain I have been burdened with knowing others out there are strong enough to talk about theirs and how much people can actually cope with. I don’t even mind people sharing their light hearted “never want that experience again” stories.

But when I read someone saying how lovely lockdown was for them, when lots of people on this thread (I mean, in general you can share your experiences of lockdown in a not-wholly negative way, but here on this thread) people are sharing that lockdown was one of the worst experiences of their lives, it just doesn’t seem like the time or place for it.

HappyWelsh · 09/04/2026 22:26

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2026 18:15

Exactly!

I liked a lot of aspects of lockdown, the distancing, the not being expected to go out (difficult if you're disabled which I am). So much stuff being available remotely.

Other parts were pretty terrifying if I thought about them too hard, as a disabled person with a heart problem, covid back then probably would have killed me and disabled people were being chucked under the bus, I chose not to dwell on that.

But I've been through a lot of things in my life - a miscarriage at 16 weeks that was horribly, harshly and improperly handled by the hospital with nothing but derision from my Mother, at the age of 19.
Being a witness in a murder case, where the defendant was my friend and the victim my estranged uncle, at 18.
Being homeless, being physically and emotionally and verbally abused by my alcoholic mother.
Finding said abusive, alcoholic mother face down on the floor stark naked hours from death (she did in fact die a few hours later in hospital).
Dealing, solo, with the aftermath of her death, sorting out the house (boarding it up after the police kicked their way in, sorting out her funeral and her will) as my sister and father were absolutely fucking useless and 150 miles away at the age of 27 with no money of my own.

So by comparison, for ME, lockdown was a fucking doddle. If you've lived a carefree existance up to that point, or there were other things going on like a crappy relationship or a dependent and frail parent or you had to work in a high risk environment, then perhaps it wasn't for you but everyones different, everyones had different experiences in life.

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Gosh! What a lot of trauma you’ve dealt with❤️‍🩹 that’s horrendous!

I’ve lived a shitty life (up until my mid 20s), homeless at 14 due to abusive household, family members dropping like flies (grandparents, both parents, aunties and uncles pretty much by the time I was 16), illnesses, extreme financial struggles although working my arse off, single motherhood and lots of others in between.

I agree with everything you said ❤️❤️ me and my parter were together from 2015 but lived separately, we moved in together during Covid, finances improved massively, career change for the better, I spent more time with my children and we have all been so happy since. It was a shit time for some people, but for some of us it wasn’t and that is wonderful! Why anyone would want everyone else miserable I don’t know!

Sparklechicken · 09/04/2026 22:47

WiddlinDiddlin · 09/04/2026 18:15

Exactly!

I liked a lot of aspects of lockdown, the distancing, the not being expected to go out (difficult if you're disabled which I am). So much stuff being available remotely.

Other parts were pretty terrifying if I thought about them too hard, as a disabled person with a heart problem, covid back then probably would have killed me and disabled people were being chucked under the bus, I chose not to dwell on that.

But I've been through a lot of things in my life - a miscarriage at 16 weeks that was horribly, harshly and improperly handled by the hospital with nothing but derision from my Mother, at the age of 19.
Being a witness in a murder case, where the defendant was my friend and the victim my estranged uncle, at 18.
Being homeless, being physically and emotionally and verbally abused by my alcoholic mother.
Finding said abusive, alcoholic mother face down on the floor stark naked hours from death (she did in fact die a few hours later in hospital).
Dealing, solo, with the aftermath of her death, sorting out the house (boarding it up after the police kicked their way in, sorting out her funeral and her will) as my sister and father were absolutely fucking useless and 150 miles away at the age of 27 with no money of my own.

So by comparison, for ME, lockdown was a fucking doddle. If you've lived a carefree existance up to that point, or there were other things going on like a crappy relationship or a dependent and frail parent or you had to work in a high risk environment, then perhaps it wasn't for you but everyones different, everyones had different experiences in life.

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I haven't seen anyone say that Covid was anything other than shite. Covid, the contagious, life threatening disease, along with anything and anyone's experience of dealing directly with it. Lockdown however was a government enforced (wrongly or rightly) set of everchanging restrictions that altered people's daily life over an extended period of time, not a disease. In all honesty my life was so shite in the run up to lockdown and I was completely on my own that a part of me didn't care what happened to me, depressing but very true. As it happens I didn't get Covid but I did end up very much appreciating Lockdown (not Covid) as it gave me space to deal with everything else going wrong at that time, saved my mental health and some aspects of Lockdown (not Covid) were very positive. For my sins and just to be different I got Covid last year instead. It was fucking awful and went on for weeks, my sinuses are still a nightmare and it crippled me financially. It still doesn't change the positive aspects I experienced during the period of time we call Lockdown.

MyUniqueRubyPoet · 09/04/2026 22:52

A narcissist

MrsKateColumbo · 09/04/2026 22:54

A light hearted answer - having my wisdom teeth out.
Having a severe hangover
Paint stripper tequila
Breaking my toe

Hellokitty1986 · 11/04/2026 14:05

Watching my 8 year old die of a brainstem tumour immediately after giving birth...

ScaredAndPanicky · 11/04/2026 15:50

I'm not quite sure I should have found this thread as cathartic as I have. I had a mental breakdown a couple of years ago (hence user name) when all the trauma I have been through caught up with me. I've always genuinely believed that when people say "be kind because you never know what people are going through behind closed doors" and that "all women have been sexually abused", that everyone had been through similar things and that I was a fairly useless individual to have come out with cPTSD.
But if I were to start my list with being regularly raped by someone outside the family before the age of 8, and death of a parent before the age of 9 and being told I was not allowed to grieve them, and life not getting any better in the subsequent 30 years with other sexual assaults, rape and 20 years of domestic abuse, oh and finding out my toddler had been sexually abused.
Maybe it isn't surprising that I have been traumatised after all. That is a total revelation.

CandyColouredEggshells · 11/04/2026 17:35

I’d second a global pandemic, but not for the reasons you might expect.

I worked for the NHS and they demanded us back into the office unnecessarily as soon as they could (so we showed solidarity with front line staff), so I couldn’t see my family but was expected to sit at a desk with 10+ other people every day. The clap for NHS made me feel ill, because I worked in a role assisting front line staff and I have never been spoken to so rudely, spitefully or unnecessarily in all my life, I used to hang up the phone and cry, and the rest of the world thought they were amazing.

I very much think people should make their own decisions about the vaccine and I don’t judge anyone, but what I witnessed with the shambles that was the vaccine rollout and bookings for patients, the recording of the actual vaccines, the panic to use ones nearing expiry, how people in the literal mortuary were sick of the government making it worse because they didn’t know where these mass dead were “because they ain’t here”.

DD was off school, I could have sent her as I was a key worker but they just made them sit on isolated tables in bubbles and things like breakfast club she was the only one in her class so had to sit on her own at 5yo ☹️, and they made them wash their hands until they were red raw, literally chapped and bleeding.

My (thankfully now Ex) husband was abusive, being stuck in the house with him was one of the worst things I’ve ever endured. I was suicidal, but couldn’t leave DD. I’m not sure which I’d rank worse actually, being stuck in the house with him in lockdown, or the hell he put me through when I actually left him.

CandyColouredEggshells · 11/04/2026 17:46

Left it too late to edit but ETA to above ⬆️

All that I felt about the vaccine to then be threatened with dismissal from my job, and my ExHB escalating the abuse because I was reluctant to get it, that was next level terrifying. That was the point I was making when I said I didn’t judge anyone for it but I didn’t want it.

Soontobeorange · 11/04/2026 22:45

A ct scan. Had one today and went in thinking it would be quick and painless. They gave me the dye and it felt like my hand was exploding 😭 cried like an absolute baby.

Destiny123 · 12/04/2026 08:24

NovaF · 06/04/2026 20:22

They do not offer you a C-section. I asked if I could have one and was told giving birth naturally was the best option. There was no discussion, and given my state of mind at being told my baby was dead I did not have the fortitude or fight to push for one either. So patients are kind of made to go through it because it is never presented as an option. I volunteer with women that have experienced stillbirth and disagree the vast majority decline because they do not want to have a scar. They could not care less about the scar. They do so because they have not been offered an alternative.

I do not know what an IUD birth is but a stillbirth is quicker because the patient has been given a high dose of drugs to kick start the birth (drugs that do not always work). This still results in hours and hours of labour, no one would willingly choose this.

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Im sorry that was your experience but I've worked in about 10 labour wards and it definitely is/should be an option (I've done 3 sections for this personally in my time).

Giving birth naturally is "better" from a physical recovery perspective... its not the scar, its having major intraabdominal surgery where you can't lift anything heavy post op and that side of thing... but I'd 100% support anyone to have whichever birth option they'd "prefer" (I get neither option is wanted).

Sorry IUD means "intra-uterine death" it's the medical term as covers all gestations

Anaesthetists are involved in most still birth labours to provide PCAs (patient controlled self administered morphine IV boluses) and epidurals provided the lady isn't septic. We'd happily advocate for the lady if she ever mentioned she'd like a section and I've never seen it be refused in my 10 years of obstetrics

Destiny123 · 12/04/2026 08:45

CandyColouredEggshells · 11/04/2026 17:35

I’d second a global pandemic, but not for the reasons you might expect.

I worked for the NHS and they demanded us back into the office unnecessarily as soon as they could (so we showed solidarity with front line staff), so I couldn’t see my family but was expected to sit at a desk with 10+ other people every day. The clap for NHS made me feel ill, because I worked in a role assisting front line staff and I have never been spoken to so rudely, spitefully or unnecessarily in all my life, I used to hang up the phone and cry, and the rest of the world thought they were amazing.

I very much think people should make their own decisions about the vaccine and I don’t judge anyone, but what I witnessed with the shambles that was the vaccine rollout and bookings for patients, the recording of the actual vaccines, the panic to use ones nearing expiry, how people in the literal mortuary were sick of the government making it worse because they didn’t know where these mass dead were “because they ain’t here”.

DD was off school, I could have sent her as I was a key worker but they just made them sit on isolated tables in bubbles and things like breakfast club she was the only one in her class so had to sit on her own at 5yo ☹️, and they made them wash their hands until they were red raw, literally chapped and bleeding.

My (thankfully now Ex) husband was abusive, being stuck in the house with him was one of the worst things I’ve ever endured. I was suicidal, but couldn’t leave DD. I’m not sure which I’d rank worse actually, being stuck in the house with him in lockdown, or the hell he put me through when I actually left him.

Depends on the trust. We had to have make shift morturaries in our carparks to look after our deceased (your trust obviously just got off lightly)

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 12/04/2026 09:03

Attending a child’s funeral. He was only 3 & died of cancer which could have been connected to the unbelievably irresponsible actions of someone known to the family. I will never forget seeing that little white coffin 💔

Wellwhatnowbellaboo · 12/04/2026 10:12

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 12/04/2026 09:03

Attending a child’s funeral. He was only 3 & died of cancer which could have been connected to the unbelievably irresponsible actions of someone known to the family. I will never forget seeing that little white coffin 💔

So sorry to read this I cannot even imagine.... would you mind sharing whatever actions were (I can't think of any other than smoking) incase it can prevent similar situations 🙏

NovaF · 12/04/2026 12:06

Destiny123 · 12/04/2026 08:24

Im sorry that was your experience but I've worked in about 10 labour wards and it definitely is/should be an option (I've done 3 sections for this personally in my time).

Giving birth naturally is "better" from a physical recovery perspective... its not the scar, its having major intraabdominal surgery where you can't lift anything heavy post op and that side of thing... but I'd 100% support anyone to have whichever birth option they'd "prefer" (I get neither option is wanted).

Sorry IUD means "intra-uterine death" it's the medical term as covers all gestations

Anaesthetists are involved in most still birth labours to provide PCAs (patient controlled self administered morphine IV boluses) and epidurals provided the lady isn't septic. We'd happily advocate for the lady if she ever mentioned she'd like a section and I've never seen it be refused in my 10 years of obstetrics

Edited

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I wish I had you in my corner when all this happened x

Destiny123 · 12/04/2026 13:13

NovaF · 12/04/2026 12:06

I wish I had you in my corner when all this happened x

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I'll make a point if saying it's an option to all my future patients when I go in to sort whatever pain relief they've requested. Noone should have to suffer any further than they already have x

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 13/04/2026 22:29

@Wellwhatnowbellaboo it could be outing

Deathinvegas · 14/04/2026 20:21

sooo4455 · 06/04/2026 14:29

The most stressful time in my life started about 7 years ago and went on for 2 years and my mental health took an absolute battering and im still not over it. And now im super paranoid about it happening again.

I had bedbugs and a rat problem under the bath at the same time and pest control were useless.
i had a toddler at the time and their was 7 of us and I was advise to put everything we owned (twice) in the garden while they tried to get the bedbugs under control. I had to wash every soft furnishing and beds, draws, wardrobes had to be emptied and placed outside in bags in the sun. Only thing that was allowed in the house was furniture. I had postnatal depression at the time and I just remember sitting in the garden with everything we owned (twice). With the rats they were running around under the bath and were huge. My bathroom is downstairs and they’d chewed from the outside in, the smell was not normal and the noise all day from them scurrying around 🤮
It finally got resolved after 2 years but at that point I was shot to bits. I don’t think people realise how traumatic it is the live with a bedbugs. I’m so paranoid about getting them again I try and stay away from public transport and hotels or I will research the shit out of them before booking and even then I’m hyper vigilant and can’t sleep.

What is something you never want to go though again?

We had bed bugs and mice when my dd was about that age too. We had the mice most of the time we lived there, fortunately we only had the bed bugs for a couple of months.
The bed bugs were far worse than the mice. I had hundreds of bites.
Mice and bed bugs were just super common in the area we were living in.
Our neighbours had to get a cat to get rid of the mice. I threatened the mice with a cat many times however other than looking after the neighbours cat when their flat was getting treated for the bed bugs I didn’t go through with it.
Obviously, I never want to do either of those things again.
For the most part if my family is safe and healthy i can endure most things. However, 2 things I wouldn’t want to do again are struggling to find accommodation and having neighbours who’s noise keeps me awake at nights. Probably also having no disposable income and struggling to afford heating.

Wellwhatnowbellaboo · 15/04/2026 21:48

MarmaladeSandwich7 · 13/04/2026 22:29

@Wellwhatnowbellaboo it could be outing

OK sounds like the actions are very uncommon ...