I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Are you trying to question your other half why they want to leave their career to raise a family? Obv you are placing priority with productivity in paid work over unpaid family & societal obligations? Your real gripe is???

I bet the OP "lolstevelol" is loving this. Or maybe he buggered off straight after his first and only post.

Because I wanted to bring up my children myself. I felt that it was the best start that I could give them. They are now secure, happy and bright late teens at University. So many reasons which aren’t financially motivated.

Like moths to a flame.

We certainly weren't remotely well off when I was a sahm many years ago, but it was what a huge number of mums did. I had no family to help and day care was not widely available.Also I was a nursery nurse and it seemed wrong
to put my children In a nursery just so I could work with other children...
My husband would have liked me to get a job but he wasn't at all supportive,buts that's another story...
I was widowed young and got back to work when the youngest started school, I never regained a career as such,just 'work' which I'm still doing long after retirement age.
I loved being a sahm, we never had much but on the whole everyone lead a simpler less materialistic life then.

For people who earn NMW and would like to go back to work at the end of their maternity leave, they very often find out that most of their wages will be eaten up in childcare costs, so what the heck is the point of working for nothing when you could be at home bringing up your dc instead?

To be present for the children they chose to have....

Who pays if they don’t go back to work?

weird… I can’t imagine not understanding that different people have different life paths and desires.

I say this as a SAHP who still has NI and Pension contributions made… so I’m fine thanks.
I also don’t need your concern about my relationship becoming toxic due to my DH working and me not. It was a decision we came to prior to having children and is always up for discussion should either of us have concerns about our families finances or future.

I Work full time and am happy with my decision as we would have had to downsize the house which is in a lovely area and we do lovely family things. However I definitely would have enjoyed being a stay at home mam so I totally understand the choice. People do what’s best for their families. Both working and being at home have good points and bad.

Not all careers are going to be taken over by new tech

Hmm, privately educated, still very much part of society and I claim no benefits…

good to see that those ridiculous, baseless comments never change!

I had 5 years off work as a SAHM when the kids were preschool age, I would rather work five more years at the end of my career than retire early but miss these years. Each to their own, but your premise that everyone wants to have their non working years after the kids leave home isn't across the board.

I actually find it tends to be more middle class families that take this decision.

Work seems very meaningless compared to spending time with my children. It's only money and a career but my children and husband are everything to me (I do work part time).

I didnt get a choice.

Ever tried finding childcare for a child with complex SEND needs? More to the point have you ever tried finding childcare for a teenager with a learning disability, complex challenging behaviours and a whole host of other needs. When I say childcare I dont mean a college student 'with an interest in SEND' I mean someone trained to PBS practitioner level or a similar BILD accredited course. Oh, and by the way theres a pretty definite chance you're going to be on the end of challenging behaviour that in the past has meant a) calling the Police and b)necessary A&E visits (and these were seperate incidents btw).
When I looked into this, I was told that it would be a minimum of 2:1 care and in the region of £30 per hour for each person. If you can find 2 people with those kinds of skills (rare as hen's teeth), Chat GPT tells me I would need to be earning in the region of £200k per annum. That's without my own bills e.t.c.

Do you understand now?

I’d love to have kept working full time in my fulfilling career, but DC is autistic, and it became clear DH was also autistic when shit got real and he couldn’t cope with anything beyond work (and sometimes not even that). And then my mother needed care.

I am well aware of all the financial and social and intellectual advantages I am missing out on by being a caregiver who only manages to work part time. I am not doing this for shits and giggles. Many of us aren’t.

But when you have a tween who can’t dress himself or wipe his own arse, and a husband whose adaptive functioning skills are only marginally better than your tween’s, somebody needs to take over ALL the activities of daily life (cooking, cleaning, laundry, financial management, vehicle and home maintenance, etc), plus the complexities of OT appointments and SENCO appointments and Ed psych evaluations and EHCP paperwork and crisis meetings with the school.

Plus managing all my mother’s appts and medications when she could no longer drive, or understand things very well. Plus looking after her pets when she was no longer able to.

All while listening to 2 highly obsessive people rant constantly about politics and their special interests 20 hours a day.

I’d much rather be in a nice interesting office job, building a pension and earning a salary.

I don't understand how a human being capable of written literacy can compose a question predicated on the assumption that all mothers have careers or stable office jobs to give up.

Look around you. Lots of people simply have jobs, that pay the same as full-time childcare costs.

Endless benefits,the 4 of us managed on widowed mothers allowance which we were entitled to, plus some money left by my late husband. It wasn't easy!

Because going back to work would have meant we as a household had less money, not more, due to childcare and commuting costs AND I hated the idea of someone else looking after my baby from 7am to 7pm every day. I didn't trust anyone enough either to look after my precious baby. Baby is now 13. Still adore him and we are very close.

Some people want to be there for their kids' early years and have the means to do so. I was one of them. I was a sahm for 7 years until the youngest started school. I loved every minute. Then I returned part time. HOWEVER now I am nearing retirement, I wish I had gone back
part time before then. My pension is small! I wish now I'd worked, say, two days a week and still had plenty of time with the little ones, but a slightly bigger pension!

I'm sorry I'm going to take the (rather obvious) bait.

Don't you find work is kind of rubbish a lot of the time? You have to get up at ridiculous o' clock in the morning, wear clothes you don't want to wear, sit in traffic to be somewhere you don't want to be, to talk to people you don't want to talk to and do things you don't want to do.

If I won the lottery I'd quit tomorrow and get a part time job stroking puppies. Maybe write a novel.

I totally understand why if you can afford it you might choose to spend the time with your kids.

Sadly though the big house in the nice place won't pay for itself so I'll have to continue to find joy in the spreadsheets. At least I sometimes get to work from home.

hahahaha! try having a disabled child with complex medical needs and keeping your career.

I hate the phrase 'check your privilege' but it's useful here.

Single Mum to 2 here. Had to go back both times very early, 4 months after baby 2 when feckless arsehole partner left. I worked full time up until last year when DC2 turned 16. I’d have stayed at home in a heartbeat if I’d had a partner or any security at all. Luckily both kids are amazingly resourceful and happy but my MH suffered enormously from trying to provide for all those years.
You have to just do what is okay for you. That’s the truth; no judgement and no unkindness. No family is the same.

MRAs