I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Guys come on, who benefits from us all getting worked up and snappy with each other? Let's not feed it.

People do this because family is way more important than work, which will replace you within 5 minutes of you leaving

I'm pretty sure when you are on your death bed you are unlikely to think wow I'm so glad I worked all those hours rather than I'm so glad I stayed at home and have my kids the best start in life

It’s a mistake, I agree. I did it and have been shafted by it because my husband turned out to be a cheating, violent and financially catastrophic shit for brains.

Don’t do it!!!!

you are unlikely to think wow I'm so glad I worked all those hours rather than I'm so glad I stayed at home and have my kids the best start in life

I'm really glad actually I worked all those hours so I could give my kids the best start in life.

Work to live....dont live to work.... but again not much "skin in the game" as I now work Ft and only went part time when small person was extremely small. One thing I have noticed however is that it doesnt matter what you do when you are near the end.....either the offspring/remaining spouse front the costs of care or the council do. I know which route I would choose.

Exactly this. Some people value spending more time with their children in their pre-school years, which is fine.

I hold no truck with those who choose to do it with eyes open but there are some who just don't realise what the penalties will be in terms of getting back on the career ladder after a break, with kids in the mix.... I know people it has happened to who regretted it as they didn't think through the consequences. It's harder now than ever to advance your career kids or not.

I was the main breadwinner but decided to give up my job to raise my family. I've gone back into a totally different sector, part time with much less pressure and obviously much less money, so we've really had to tighten our belts. Pensions etc never crossed my mind at the time to be honest!

TBH I wouldn't have felt happy handing my kids over to someone else to bring up in the early years. Wouldn't have felt right using grandparents who have had their time and should be enjoying retirement. Still feel bad asking them to help out now kids are older. I wanted to be there for children's first steps, first words etc etc. I wouldn't have had kids if I didn't want to spend as much time with them as possible. In my eyes, my career comes after them.

But I know not everyone would agree and that's okay. It's individual choice but I personally loved being at home with them, and wouldn't have been able to settle at work with them in nursery. There's more to life than work as far as I see it!

I have just left my Band 7 career to drop down a band in the NHS. I wanted to go back to the job I was doing (and was very passionate about) but on reduced hours and they outright declined my flexible working request. I practically begged to go back but it seemed it was either full time or bust.

Am I resentful about the fact my very promising career (I had been seconded into a matron position for a while) has just come to a standstill through no real fault of my own? Absolutely. I've also been made to leave my speciality just to get better hours for my work/life balance.

But when I took a step back and a deep breath my family are more important to me. Different people have different priorities.

I had had to come to terms with the fact that I may never get back to the level I worked really damn hard to achieve, but more fool me for having kids (I'm being sarcastic, fuck the patriarchy, I wouldn't change my kids for the world 🤣)

Each to their own

Im grateful I had my mum present at home when I was younger

Many people have jobs rather than careers. I agree it’s risky to put yourself in a vulnerable position but it also depends on whether the job you have allows you to be the mum you want to be. Often it doesn’t and something has to give.

A school isn't childcare.

I could never understand why anyone would choose a career over being a stay at home mum, unless they were emotionally unintelligent. Yours, retired and survived.

Why do you need to understand what other parents do/don’t do
it’s their choice/ life nowt to do with you or anyone

This just reads like a poorly written article. It's not a question, it's not an 'anything' really. Bot?

Changing or taking a break from my career would never be up for discussion in my house, because it’s not going to happen.

I am secure enough in my relationship with my son to not feel that he needs me beside him at all times.

I would argue that’s the very opposite of emotionally unintelligent.

The definition of best start in life is arguable and variable.

Because I never trusted anyone else to care for my babies the way I did and because I loved being with them. No regrets here.

It took us the best part of a decade to have our child. As soon as he was born it was like a switch had flipped and I couldn't of cared less about my career. It just all felt so pointless and insignificant in comparison to our baby.

I am loving every moment of staying home with him. I think of it like a full time job and we do lots of activities together. Lots of days out and trips to the library.

I didn’t see the point in having kids to pay for someone else to raise them for me.

Op I was at home. You are right though it can be hard to go back if a big gap in the cv. But at the time the creche fees were huge. But we all do what suits our families.

And I don’t understand why anyone would not be a stay at home parent if they could possibly afford to do so. We agreed that I would be the one to stay home when we decided to try for a baby, and I wouldn’t have had a child if I’d not been able to spend all my time with her until she started school. I returned to work part time when she was eight and it was the most rewarding and worthwhile period in my entire life. It was a real struggle to manage on one salary, especially as we had just moved to a semi derelict house with a huge mortgage when she was born, but Giving my daughter the best possible start in life was much more important to us than career progression and having loads of money.

I understand re careers and pensions, but not everyone feels the same.

Most women I know who have good careers and children have their parent/PIL doing everything for them. I think it shows you can’t do it all if your elderly parent/MIL is doing your childcare/cleaning your house etc.
I worked for a woman whose 2 children lived with her parents during the week and she only had them home Saturday/Sunday night. She was very unsympathetic to staff who has sick children, school shows etc.

I live in an area of very poor childcare and whilst it was okay when DD was small, the older she got the harder it got. I then changed careers and then DD had teenage autistic crisis so quit it all.