I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

And like clockwork the shitty pass ag comments about SAHM liking their children, implying working mums don’t have started. You think you’re attacking the nasty OP. You’re just attacking other mums.

Again, don’t bite.

Had a decent wage,good job flexibility then my DS was bullied at school (12) and had a massive breakdown. I pulled him out, did home ed with him for nearly 3 years. Money and jobs come and go. But my son? So yeah everyone is different.

People want different things and then find ways of making it work. Really, that should be obvious. And I was never a SAHM, I couldn't have done it.

Children from all kinds of families turn out perfectly OK, there isn't a single correct way of doing it.

Birth trauma/postpartum ill health can be a factor. I had postpartum psychosis, at the worst of it when I thought dc1 was a doll, I can honestly say career progression never crossed my mind.

I didn't plan on being a sahm but I ended up having roughly 10 years at home. Gained another degree, spent lots of time with my children, did loads of voluntary work and then walked back part time into a career I absolutely love.

First post nails it.

Because I wanted to spend time with my kids more than I wanted promotion or a big pension? I'm 50 now, only work part time and love it.

Easy, you’ve two adults always arguing because both of you are constantly in trouble with your work because of childcare issues. One of you earns a lot lot less than the amount you pay for said childcare and your commute. You barely see your kids during the week and you’re both exhausted because of the juggle and fighting. You realise leaving your job doesn’t impact the household income (soul destroying) and think in a few years I’ll slide back in there after doing a few little courses along the way.

its a pros cons situation- it took away all the stress until dh became bitter (about five years later) and we realised I hadn’t kept up with any courses and actually my old job was making people redundant). Also money wise we were effed.

Saying that years later and back to the working shit, the juggle and now my kids not regularly having someone there to help/ oversee homework or even be there when they’re sick I’d do it in a heartbeat!

When I was young and working in a job that I could really progress in, I didn’t really understand this either. In that job, I met a friend 30 years my senior who didn’t want a ‘career’ - it was a good job as it was, and she was happy. I loved her with my whole soul, and over time I learned that connection with work is a very personal thing and there’s space for everyone - those of us that want to climb, those who cannot wait to leave the office behind and focus on raising their family, and those that simply want to fund the things that bring them happiness. Your experience is relevant, but it isn’t inherently right and everyone has their own motivations.

There’s a big hit to career progression and obviously income.
BUT I took about 4 years off altogether with my two children and I wouldn’t change it for the world; I absolutely loved parts of it and the other parts, like when they are sick or when they’re not sleeping, I was so grateful to be there and to not be worried about work. It really was a very special time that I am very lucky to have had.

Im 42 now, kids are 14 and 12 and I work five days - in a very flexible role, so I can do all the pick ups, after school stuff and sick days. Earn over 50k - I am less well paid than others in my team and know if I’d been full time sooner I would be closer to 60k which is pretty much my maximum possible salary. But, I work at home, I organise my own time and I wouldn’t swap it to miss those years with my DC when they were tiny.

Is someone bitter their wife doesn’t want to go back to work…?

Absolutely couldn’t give a fuck about any of that. I hated work, all the jobs I’ve ever done, despite ending up at a very senior level in marketing for luxury cosmetics brands (think Chanel, Clinique). Couldn’t wait to leave. Paid off my mortgage in my 30s and stopped working entirely when ds was born, 14 years ago. I will never go back to work. I find being a sahm so much more rewarding (although now with Ds aged 14 and dd aged 22 I’m more just retired!) and thankfully dh enjoys working and is more career minded than me so it’s all fine. Different things for different people. Wouldn’t it be boring if we were all the same.

Because I wanted to bring up my children. I wanted to be a full-time mum.

Do you have trouble comprehending other simple concepts?

You don't have to understand it, but I did and I've had no regrets. Every moment with my children is precious.

My children are more important to me than a career and a salary. I have my priorities just right. As for the future, I more than adequately prepared for retirement prior to becoming a mother, I've built a legacy that will be inherited by my children, meaning they will be set up for their futures.

@lolstevelol now let me think:

DS was sick
I had independent wealth and a career behind me
DH had superb prospects and was earning enough for me not to.

And the most important reason:

I wanted to be a mummy and be at home, more than I wanted to carry on my career.

As the old saying goes "give me a child until he is 7 and I shall show you the man". I was going to be the architect of that.

I'll tell you something else. I started all over again at 43, took.prof quals and became the director of my service. Am now 65 and even with my 7 year break my occy pension will be well over £55k.

Finally, I had seven marvellous years on the floor, playing, reading, patio painting and enjoying the DC. Seven years when dh was building his career (pilot/surgeon genre) and we wouldn't be as comfortable as we are now had he gone to court with his eyes held open by match sticks.

In old MN language, DFOD. Your post has made me irrationally irritated. Just who do you think you are to question the choices of other better women.

You don't have to understand it, you do you and do what is best for you.

Me, I stayed at home, I home schooled DC, and I then started a business. I dislike working for a boss and I have never once regretted staying home with my children.

I'm now working in housing, a new role entirely and better pay and pension, but i'm bored already and dislike the culture. So i'll go back to working for myself, in my way, at my pace and in a way that suits me. Being employed is miserable and no I won't sell my best years in exchange for the 'promise' of a few frail years of retirement.

I don't have a children but I can understand it. I can at least vaguely understand lots of things that have nothing to do with my life or my own perspective.

I was happy not to continue in my career and become a sahp. I did not enjoy working in the field I was in and I am happier focusing on my dcs.
I wasn't worried about career progression or how the role would look in the future because I have no plans to return to work.

Financially I contribute more into retirement savings than the average ft worker (into a private pension and other investments). I have personal income coming in and investment income which gets reinvested.

DH doesn't find his job stressful as it suits his skillset and personality and it is in a field which doesn't have long hours and has flexible working. All money is household money, I bring in some of it so he is not providing the sole income. We work as a team and there is no resentment in our relationship.

Ignore. This is a clear rage bait post

I work part-time and term time only, and surrounded by career women, who have their kids in breakfast club from 7:30 and the kids are collected at 6pm or later often by nannies or grandparents etc.
They don't see their kids.

Yes, the live in 5 bed detached houses and all drive Tesla's and Audi's.... But the kids don't see their parents all week basically.

To me that's backwards. We live in a 2-bed mid terrace... And DD is collected at 3:15 and is with me every day.

Money can't buy the time back.

This. It cannot possibly be news to you that different people prioritise differently.

😱I'm calling the police 😂

🍿

Some people value living life for today, and having that extra precious time with their children. I'm not a stay at home mum, but I can understand why people make that choice.

I can’t understand why anyone would choose their career over their children, especially when you consider what’s missed in those early years.

When you’re working full-time, you inevitably miss the small but important moments—first milestones, daily routines, and really getting to know your child’s personality as it develops. Those moments shape your relationship, and you don’t get them back.

You also give up a level of direct influence. The person who spends the most time with a child plays a huge role in shaping their values and outlook, and that influence shifts when you’re not the one there day to day.

On top of that, work often brings stress, mental load, and distraction. Even when you are home, it can limit how present and engaged you actually are, turning time with your child into something squeezed around work rather than the priority.

So while staying home has financial and career trade-offs, working full-time comes with its own losses too—ones that are harder to measure, but just as real.
In the end, careers can be rebuilt or changed, but your child only has one childhood—and once it’s gone, it’s gone for good.