I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Go you

For some people their identity is not solely about their career or the job they do.

Some of us value time with our children ahead of career progression. You are absolutely replaceable at work but not to your family. I would choose my children all day every day over my career, not even a question. I wouldn't have handed them over to someone else to raise when I could be with them.

Not everyone thinks like you HTH

You aspire to retirement, but don't understand people not working to be around their kids when they are small..

Resentment is well documented and does happen in retirement, whether it's one person working while the other is retired or two people with different ideas on their retirement - or who each other is after all their years of working.

If resentment develops, for whatever reason, then have a conversation or a few. That's how partners - and adults in general - should deal with it. Most people who have time as a SAHP do later go to work these days (and some who do early retirement for non-medical reasons also do so...).

I took the view that the years I had with my kids was basically my retirement, for lack of a better word. I don't expect to retire unless it becomes a medical need until my 70s. I've never aimed to retire at 58 - go down to a reduced schedule, maybe, it's common where I work to go down to 4 days, I know a couple on 3 days, but not entirely retire before 60.

Many people have a job, not a career and really, there was nothing to 'give up' compared to time with family - and that's before getting into all the logistical issues many have brought up.

Because no workplace would change more in 5 years than my baby would.
Because I didn't have a baby for him to do longer hours in nursery than I would want to do at work
Because money isn't everything
I stayed at home for 3 years and they were honestly the happiest time of my life. On my deathbed, they are what I will think about. Not much pension contributions.

Really? What's so hard to understand?
Some people have a choice and some don't, with either option.
If you're married, you will benefit from your spouse's pension whether you stay together or get divorced.
Some people are not on a career ladder, some people can't afford childcare, some people are not bothered about earning their own money, some are rich and don't need to, some are lazy and want an easy life, some can't cope with the stress. Not hard to understand.

When I return to work I will return to my old job because I own the business alongside DH, which he currently runs in my absence. Hope that’s acceptable for you OP, no need to worry about my career progression as I’ll be back as director :)

Because single parents dont work?

Its fine because most of those women will screw the husband for his pension in the divorce

My reasons are highly specific. Spent half our deposit on IVF in a very high cost of living area where we had no family who would be able to reduce childcare fees by caring for our impending child, I had a job I can get back into without missing out on any progression as there wasn't much progression, we moved from the area to be able to pay less monthly rent and live on one salary to preserve the rest of our savings ad a deposit, and I took the time off till my son is at nursery funded age because full time hours in our pricey "naice" area was almost my full monthly wage packet.

I adored my job, my neighbourhood, my life, but we wanted a child and something had to give, and I wasn't willing to have my child in full time nursery while I worked for free essentially and wiped out our savings before funded hours even came I. My husband could wfh so it made sense for him to keep his job as my job was very hands on, and as much as I miss my job, I just cannot regret the time I've had with my child, we have had a wonderful time and as they'll be an only child it's been a gift to be able to be off with him - yes due to huge changes me and my husband have made that have been a wrench too, but decisions we made. A few years out of pension savings won't kill our finances in the way 2k a month nursery fees would have.

So that's my unique reason, I'm sure everyone else has them too. The moral is, there's no right and wrong, and if someone came on here and made an equivalent post lamenting kids going to nursery full time as a terrible thing so their parents coukd continue to get pension contributions or rise through the ranks of their 9 to 5, they'd be rightly completely lampooned. Live and let live eh?

Because I unexpectedly fell extremely ill and almost died when my daughter was 1 week old and spent weeks in hospital fighting for my life believing i wasn't going to see her crawl and then walk, hear her call me Mum or see her in school uniform, to name but a few. Surviving and being given a chance to be there for all that and more taught me that is more important than an employer that would have been advertising my job vacancy the day after I died.

I absolutely agree with you. This short time in your life, when the kids are small is precious and given the choice I would've done so in a heartbeat.

Why are you so bothered by it?

I had 10 years out, it was the best thing I ever did. I loved everything about being able to care for my 2 DC.

We are all different and I count myself lucky that I could do it.

Why do you waste head space on this, each to their own.

Are you always so narrow minded and dim?

I bloody love being a SAHM to my four. It’s much more fun than being a solicitor I can promise you!

No interest in returning to employment really. I have a passive income and am happy with my choices.

In my experience, women at the lower end of society who struggle in the work place/ poor social skills see having children/being a SAHM as a way of opting out of society. The children become their identity whilst claiming endless benefits and universal credit.

Or maybe they’ll get what they’re entitled to due to marriage.

The wind up merchants and their socks are out in force. 🙄

I find it infuriating when people start posts with ‘I don’t understand’.

What you mean is you don’t agree with it.

Just say what you mean.

What the actual fuck. Are you a woman? If so you should be ashamed of yourself

Because DCs needed a parent at home and we were fortunate enough to be able to do that.

Raising kids is more important than work. Youre just a number in a job

It wouldn’t have been for me, but each to their own.

Wind them up and watch them go

I'm a sahm, well educated, inherited wealth, independent wealth - how do I fit into your little box? What a disgusting sweeping statement

God forbid a mother wants to mother her own children.

I would never agreed to parenthood if me working simultaneously was on the cards
It was only ever going to be one or the other
So we’ve working was essential having a child was not