I don't understand how people can give up their career and be a stay at home parent ?

[lolstevelol]

You risk losing career progression, especially as jobs change so rapidly due to technology. The role you were doing a few years ago might look completely different today. Securing a stable office job is much harder now than it used to be.

You also miss out on pension contributions, which is a significant factor. Losing 5–10 years of contributions and compounding can be the difference between retiring at 58 and having to work until or beyond the state pension age.

Generally speaking, supporting a family on a single income while working can be more stressful than being a stay-at-home parent. Even when the job itself is manageable, workplace environments can be toxic, which can create tension and resentment between the working parent and the stay-at-home parent.

Some people hate work and don't feel they have a career. Or the one they have doesn't inspire them or motivate them in any fashion.

They only ever worked because they needed the money but for whatever reason (partner/inheritance) they no longer do.

And now have another purpose in life they feel much more passionate about.

I find it hard to understand why the idea of not having to work and still having financial stability wouldn't be hugely appealing to many.

Because a lot of people want to be with their children as much as possible, and have time to spend with their husband when they're not just rushing about. Until recently, and in many other countries, it is the norm for mums of young kids not to work. And not every person has a career-some have jobs they hate, and these days it isn't always easy to retrain/get a post you like.
Many people don't want to leave their kid with a stranger, and grandparents often aren't available.
I do work, btw, but I definitely don't find it odd that most mums would rather be with their children.

Hmm. When you say you don’t understand, what do you mean exactly? Because I’m sure most of us can think of pros of being a sahp, as well as the cons, just like there are fairly easy to think of pros and cons of remaining at work.

This is just another sahp vs working parent thread.

I had a good career but when my first child was 2, I decided to be SAHM. My partner was happy with this decision and earns a high wage. We also had, and still have, another income as we rent out properties. My state pension contributions were covered until youngest was 12 and I also paid into a private pension. Financially, I was always fine and protected including if we’d have split.

Its worked out well for us. Our youngest is almost an adult and I don’t need or want to go back to work. I really enjoyed being at home with our children. I didn’t enjoy the stress of working and being a mum, I felt I was missing things and our child was unsettled. A few years after I became a sahp, my partner reduced his hours too so we feel very fortunate.

Because people have different priorities.

Some people want to be rich and have a career and others think raising their own chidlren is more important. Each to their own.

I didn’t have a career, I had a job, which barely covered the wrap around childcare fees.
Stopping work saved us money, it was a no brainer.

I work full time with one child
BUT
If I had another and had to pay x2 nursery fees there would be absolutely no point in working financially. I’d be working just to pay for childcare that I’d rather do myself
And to hell with doing that just so I don’t lose progression… which I also don’t want because I’m happy with my flexible stress free job

Me and DH have a saying (usually when we want to spend on something spontaneous)
“we can always make more money, we can’t always make more memories”

Because for some couples childcare is genuinely unaffordable.

Spoiler: Not all people are like you.

different people make different choices and value different things.

I went back to work because I really love my work, if I had a stable office job I can’t imagine loving the work and I’d definitely have given that up to be a SAHP.

I think I’m in the minority, I think most women return for financial reasons.

What if your child was repeatedly very sick in a childcare setting? What if they were long term unwell? Would you just continue going into work ? Plans don’t always work out.

Sometimes you have to make sacrifices for your children. Sometimes they just need you and that’s more important than any job. Even if you are the Queen.

is that you, ChatGPT?

Because being around for those early years is a real privilege. It comes down to priorities. If you’re lucky enough to have the choice, then for some people it’s worth the sacrifice in career and money because your love for those little people and being able to be there for all the little moment is priceless.

I worked full time (and some) in teaching, then private tutoring on top..teaching was my life.
Had Dd at 39, not by choice, would have loved more children and when younger, but it wasn’t meant to be.
Since I had her, my job barely meant anything to me-I missed the kids of course, but nothing else.
I was fortunate enough to be at home for six years, with some part time work around her. I now work part time, but earn quite well and drop her and pick up and have the holidays off. I feel sick of the thought of that having to end so am working hard to make sure it doesn’t
Do I have a gorgeous car and amazing holidays? No, but I travelled the world when younger, we take Dd away, I don’t care about cars, my Dd has everything she could need as I work to give her extra lessons, opportunities and a good life.
The happiest years of my life hands down were the days being at home with her in our little world, I wish I could do it again and have more children
On my death bed I won’t be thinking my job, I know that 100%

Because not one person wished they worked more whilst laying in their deathbed. Some people realise that before it's too late, some (it seems like you would be one) realise when it's far to late and die with that regret.

I had a good career which I enjoyed, but it just became less important after we had our children. I've been a SAHM for 4 years since we had our second child, but I recently went back to work part time. I plan to get back into a more challenging full time (but hopefully still flexible) role when our youngest is settled in school.

My husband is a high earner so we are fortunate to have a very comfortable life on one wage, and to continue paying my pension contributions. Other SAHMs I know are either similar to me, or they had fairly low paid jobs without much progression anyway so it didn't make financial sense for them to go back to work (as the cost of childcare would be more than their salary).

Surely it's not that difficult to understand?

I didn't have children to dump them in nursery.

My friend and NDN did this after her second child was born and went on to have a third, she hated her job (teacher) though. She doesn’t regret it.

Career progression often relies on you working full time, and not every has the resources or support for both parents to work full time. Great if you do, but normally one parent has to make a compromise on career when a child comes along and it’s usually the woman.

I would imagine because it all feels just so overwhelming to juggle everything. If I had been able to, I probably would’ve chosen to. Now, a decade later, I’m glad I didn’t. As you say, my pension contributions would’ve been the largest factor.

A lot of men and women dont want careers
just a job that pays the bills

I didn't really have a great job, wanted to be with my kids and my husband could afford to support us and pay plenty into a pension for me. We're married and I co-own the house and we could buy two houses if we divorced and sold this one. It's not a big risk for everyone and (gasp) I think it's better for the children to be with a parent.

I agree @lolstevelol. And then 10 years down the line they're blindsided by their husband having an affair and leaving, and their life being upended because they have no ability to financially support themselves, never mind their children.

You planning on dumping them in a school?

I had a year off (actually I left the career I’d had up till that point), started another career but was very part time for a couple more years then built my hours up back to full time by the time she was 5.

Importantly, I work from home and so does DH a lot of the time, so we can cover school runs between us and only have to use an after school club a couple of times a week. My role is really flexible and my boss/ the whole company incredibly ‘family first’. Aside from a few non negotiable points in the year, I can arrange my diary around school events, appointments etc.

If I was still in my previous career I don’t think I’d ever have gone back full time, and I’m grateful every day that I found this one. It’s still a juggle at times but it’s much easier than it is for many working parents, and we only have one child. If we were just a tiny bit better off I’d probably have stayed part time, and do hope to drop at least one day again in the future.

I can absolutely understand why some people would want to be SAHP if the alternative was long days, long commutes, inflexible hours and sky high childcare fees. Just as I can understand why some people would still choose all that for the sake of progression and future security. We’re all different, different family set ups etc. Most people are just doing the best they can.

I wouldn’t have had the time off/ dropped the hours I did without being married, and without a decent level of financial security though.

Each to their own. I worked part time when my DC were little but I would have loved to be a SAHM for a few years.
There are so many more important things than work and money