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Shall I just go to the restaurant my DH booked or say something?

417 replies

reversegear · 28/03/2026 09:59

For context we are in marriage counseling mostly for him being passive and leaving me to carry the load and me being the leader and stepping in, plus lots of other issues, but the lady said he needed to stop asking me what I want and be more decisive, she was also eluding to saying “I’ve looked at these three places, which would you prefer” she’s meaning real deep effort and thought.

Anyhow we have the meeting on Thursday and on Friday he’s like right we are out on Saturday night. Ok great that’s a start but when I said am I allowed to ask where, he gave me the name of the place we always go to and have been say 6-7 times, it’s lovely expensive restaurant but it’s the very easy simple go-to option and there isn’t much on the menu I fancy as they change it.

I feel really deflated, and a bit angry that’s he’s kind of just gone for something quick and easy, he’s not even sat down and looked at a new place.

i know this is part of the process, but everything in me wants to say something, and look at alternatives or just say don’t bother.

Or do you think I have to carry this and go along and the focus ny feeling with the marriage counselor?

For context he’s never booked anything.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 29/03/2026 20:24

KnickerlessParsons · 28/03/2026 10:36

If you want things done your way, do them yourself
If you want someone else to make decisions and organise things, you have to go along with what they’ve organised.
You can’t have it both ways. You can’t say “I want you to organise a night b out” to someone and then criticise them for the night out they’ve organised. That’s not fair.

I couldn’t disagree with this more

it’s not impossible to consult someone before the plans are set in stone. Do you have a preference for where we go …. I’m thinking about location x .. y .. z, do you have a preference… is there anywhere you would like to go …

so. many.options.

TheWineoftheChicken · 29/03/2026 20:40

Someone in Paignton is having a very similar issue OP!

Shall I just go to the restaurant my DH booked or say something?
BunnyLake · 29/03/2026 21:03

TheWineoftheChicken · 29/03/2026 20:40

Someone in Paignton is having a very similar issue OP!

Maybe he’s a bigamist and his brain scrambled with the weight of it all 😮

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Dervel · 29/03/2026 21:34

Tikitaka20 · 29/03/2026 16:22

I couldn’t agree more with this. This reminds me of a chat I had years ago with a really good friend, who said exactly that - relationships should be easy. Obviously, there will be difficult times, as we all change throughout our lives and we will probably face difficult things in the future, but relationships themselves shouldn’t be hard. They should help us deal with those shitty times in our lives and not make them harder.

Relationships are the method through which we make the insurmountable dramas of life surmountable. If they are a source of your troubles you are doing them wrong.

reversegear · 29/03/2026 21:35

TheWineoftheChicken · 29/03/2026 20:40

Someone in Paignton is having a very similar issue OP!

Omg that’s spooky!! I promise I’m not that OP

OP posts:
Tikitaka20 · 29/03/2026 22:09

reversegear · 29/03/2026 21:35

Omg that’s spooky!! I promise I’m not that OP

That post does sound really similar to yours, even down to the American spelling of ‘counselling’ (‘counselling’).

TheWineoftheChicken · 29/03/2026 22:42

reversegear · 29/03/2026 21:35

Omg that’s spooky!! I promise I’m not that OP

Would you rather have been taken for a carvery though?!

SadSaq · 29/03/2026 23:33

How weird (Paignton)

reversegear · 30/03/2026 01:07

TheWineoftheChicken · 29/03/2026 22:42

Would you rather have been taken for a carvery though?!

I’m sure I could have found something wrong with that!!

OP posts:
reversegear · 30/03/2026 01:11

Tikitaka20 · 29/03/2026 22:09

That post does sound really similar to yours, even down to the American spelling of ‘counselling’ (‘counselling’).

That’s just my terrible spelling, I guess at least I’m not using AI. Or spell check 🤣

OP posts:
reversegear · 30/03/2026 01:12

BunnyLake · 29/03/2026 21:03

Maybe he’s a bigamist and his brain scrambled with the weight of it all 😮

Ha ha ha imagine, he’d have to have a helicopter, we are about 5 hours away. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to as I’m that much!

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 30/03/2026 08:50

reversegear · 30/03/2026 01:12

Ha ha ha imagine, he’d have to have a helicopter, we are about 5 hours away. And I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to as I’m that much!

And you’d have to organise it all! Dear, did you text wife No. 2 that we are away next weekend. Dear, don’t forget to fill up the car, it’s a long journey to Paignton, and take that overnight bag I bought you specially for these trips. 😁

Winter2020 · 30/03/2026 09:33

reversegear · 29/03/2026 21:35

Omg that’s spooky!! I promise I’m not that OP

Looks like someone has basically stolen your content for clicks. Happens all the time with people's weight loss before and after pics.

Emilesgran · 30/03/2026 09:48

TheWineoftheChicken · 29/03/2026 20:40

Someone in Paignton is having a very similar issue OP!

Practically word for word - down to the number of times they've been to the restaurant. Someone has been copying for likes and clicks I suspect.

TheWineoftheChicken · 30/03/2026 15:39

Emilesgran · 30/03/2026 09:48

Practically word for word - down to the number of times they've been to the restaurant. Someone has been copying for likes and clicks I suspect.

Yes, thats why it caught my attention! Weird the things people do for likes/comments!

MsAmerica · 31/03/2026 23:15

reversegear · 28/03/2026 18:50

I’m not sure what that means or what the question is?

My post (Why do you consider that saying something, or going to the restaurant, are mutually exclusive?) meant that you can do both - say something AND go to the restaurant.

Kokonimater · 31/03/2026 23:31

It sounds like you’re done.

you don’t have to keep working on it.
start working on letting go with your couples therapist. They can help you both extricate yourselves with Grace.

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