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Original poster

DH angry with me following work trip

322 replies

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 19:35

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 28/03/2026 13:33

FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 13:32

He was supposed to be bringing me to hospital today for my procedure and he has t so I’m here by myself

He isn't going to take you so can you book a taxi or have a friend take you?

AlwaysPudding · 28/03/2026 13:34

I’m sorry, OP. That’s really unkind.

AlwaysPudding · 28/03/2026 13:34

I’m sorry, OP. That’s really unkind.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 13:35

SunMoonandChocolate · 28/03/2026 11:13

It never ceases to amaze me at the way people put their own interpretation on what a poster says. In this instance she's been accused of all sorts, and the husband threw the glass IN THE KITCHEN, but we have posters saying that he threw the glass at her, and also that he threw it in the sink, neither of which are accurate. Why don't people take their time to read and digest what has been said? Is it that they're all in so much of a rush to put their point of view, that they don't actually read what is written, or do they imagine a scene and make it into something very different to what is actually described?

OP, I think I'd be inclined to call a taxi to get to your procedure, as I wouldn't want to be driven by your husband in the mood he's obviously in. Hope the procedure goes well, and that when you're ready, you are able to get yourself sorted, and move onto a happier life without this violent man.

Thank you. You are indeed right that he threw it is the kitchen not the kitchen sink and he didn’t throw it at me.

At the hospital now. My neighbour dropped me here. Nothing from him despite the fact he knows they are checking for cancer (currently on the 2 week pathway).

OP posts:
thepariscrimefiles · 28/03/2026 13:40

TheZanyScroller · 28/03/2026 10:23

I agree with you. It seems she wants to escape to her neighbour while still living with her husband. She's carrying on a facade of getting on with life while he's away and pretending all is good when he returns and clearing off to her neighbour's.

Surely if things are so bad she would make plans for a permanent escape? She has plenty of opportunity while he is away all week to get her "ducks in a row" and get out.

Perhaps her escapism is via her neighbour. That's not working though as she's fuelling the fire of an already angry husband. She needs to make a choice. Put up or leave. She can't have it both ways. There's only so much strangers can advise. Her life, her choice.

There are 2 people in th relationship and both not communicating as adults. She is acting like a single woman going on regular nights out with her neighbour. She can't seem to function with her neighbour tagging along. He's angry and fed up. Could be a combination of job, dismissive wife. Whatever, he has serious anger issues. They both need to grow up and communicate as adults. It sounds like a miserable marriage.

Edited
Show quote history

What a load of victim blaming shite. OP has done nothing wrong.

blackpooolrock · 28/03/2026 13:45

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 28/03/2026 09:34

"Sounds like something has triggered his behaviour."

This man has violently thrown a glass in the sink, been verbally aggressive to OP per text and words, and is threatening to make her homeless. This is a violent man who thinks he is entitled to behave in this threatening and aggressive way.

If OP hadn't been talking to a neighbour and instead been reading on the sofa, he would have behaved like this anyway.

Blaming OP for his actions - that she triggered him - is NOT OK! That makes you complicit to domestic abuse.

Show quote history

I'm glad you know what this man who have done in a completely different scenario. My crystal ball isn't working today so i've no idea if he would have acted differently. The thing is creating these scenario's in your head then spouting them as thruth isn't helpful for anyone. Maybe stick to facts instead of fiction.

Andepeda · 28/03/2026 14:19

The idea you may not be in full working order sends some men into a panic.

Could that be the case here OP? He's found an excuse not to take you today.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 28/03/2026 14:36

Sorry you had so much stress on top of having a proceedure today. What rubbish behaviour from him. I hope it goes well and that you have a chance to relax and recover. It sounds like you have a good set of neighbours and friends. Hopefully you will have time to think about things and how to manage this.

ishouldbeoverit · 28/03/2026 15:03

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 22:35

He’s also messaged my neighbour and told her I’m not to come home

Edited

I'd be looking to exit the marriage. Glass throwing, and not the first time. Angry outbursts? Banning you from your own home? All because you're not a mind reader?

ishouldbeoverit · 28/03/2026 15:07

FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 13:35

Thank you. You are indeed right that he threw it is the kitchen not the kitchen sink and he didn’t throw it at me.

At the hospital now. My neighbour dropped me here. Nothing from him despite the fact he knows they are checking for cancer (currently on the 2 week pathway).

Show quote history

Ah, just saw this. I'm sorry, OP. But this does make me wonder if he think it's a foregone conclusion, the outcome of your tests, and he doesn't want to stick around even though you've stuck by him and his problems all these years... so manufactured some violent outrage. Sadly, many men are like that...

Original poster
FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 15:20

ishouldbeoverit · 28/03/2026 15:07

Ah, just saw this. I'm sorry, OP. But this does make me wonder if he think it's a foregone conclusion, the outcome of your tests, and he doesn't want to stick around even though you've stuck by him and his problems all these years... so manufactured some violent outrage. Sadly, many men are like that...

Show quote history

You could be right. The behaviour is bizarre and just came from nowhere

OP posts:
rainbowstardrops · 28/03/2026 15:23

If it was a one off (it’s still shocking behaviour) then you might be able to put it down to tiredness and irritability but you said he’s done it before AND he didn’t go with you for your procedure today. That’s really shitty.
Think you might be better off apart tbh.

GottaBeStrong · 28/03/2026 17:49

FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 15:20

You could be right. The behaviour is bizarre and just came from nowhere

Show quote history

Have a look at the image and see if you recognise any of the behaviours.

Also you may find the helpful:

https://share.google/7PCj86sq2vOtsPAt6

DH angry with me following work trip
SecretSquid · 28/03/2026 18:15

Hope it went ok today OP, sending hugs ((()))
It's really shocking how many men throw a strop out of the blue just when they are needed to take their wives/partners to a hospital appointment. It's like the cruellest possible power play they could think of. Just awful.

catlover123456789 · 28/03/2026 18:41

I imagine the inability to have sex and the anger are tied up together, he needs to get some therapy if there is any chance if you working things out. No he absolutely should not be kicking off and throwing things.

Marmalade71 · 28/03/2026 18:52

Some of these responses. Fucking hell.

Hope you’re ok, OP

blackpooolrock · 28/03/2026 19:04

FlamingoFloss · 28/03/2026 13:35

Thank you. You are indeed right that he threw it is the kitchen not the kitchen sink and he didn’t throw it at me.

At the hospital now. My neighbour dropped me here. Nothing from him despite the fact he knows they are checking for cancer (currently on the 2 week pathway).

Show quote history

Sorry to hear about your appointment. I hope it isn't whatever they think it could be. It must be very stressful to have gone through it all on your own today after yesterday's commotion.

jdb9803 · 28/03/2026 19:09

ToKittyornottoKitty · 27/03/2026 20:05

Female neighbours then. Still someone you’d rather be with more than your partner when they’ve been away

Show quote history

I'd rather be with the neighbour that an abusive partner that kicks off and throws glasses around

JennyBG · 28/03/2026 19:19

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 19:35

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

Having just read your very last comment, I can now understand why your husband acted the way he did.

He’s spent all week working away, knowing that you’re going for a medical procedure pertaining to cancer. He’s probably worried himself sick all week, then comes home to you being next door, and wanting to go see a band! Aren’t you worried about your procedure?

No excuse of course, but a little bit understandable him being upset. Weren’t you looking forward to him coming home? You both need to sit down and talk!

AutumnFroglets · 28/03/2026 19:27

He’s spent all week working away, knowing that you’re going for a medical procedure pertaining to cancer. He’s probably worried himself sick all week, then comes home to you being next door, and wanting to go see a band! Aren’t you worried about your procedure?

Are you for real? Or just wanting to kick the OP when she is in a seriously vulnerable position? That was an incredibly insensitive and cruel post.

WhistPie · 28/03/2026 19:28

JennyBG · 28/03/2026 19:19

Having just read your very last comment, I can now understand why your husband acted the way he did.

He’s spent all week working away, knowing that you’re going for a medical procedure pertaining to cancer. He’s probably worried himself sick all week, then comes home to you being next door, and wanting to go see a band! Aren’t you worried about your procedure?

No excuse of course, but a little bit understandable him being upset. Weren’t you looking forward to him coming home? You both need to sit down and talk!

Show quote history

Sometimes you want to carry on as normal and wait until whatever is going to happens, not talk about 'what ifs'

MustWeDoThis · 28/03/2026 19:31

FlamingoFloss · 27/03/2026 19:35

Been with my husband 19 years. We ‘were’ in a good place. He’s been away working this week. He got home this evening and I was round my neighbours (who he gets on with and we have a great community). I came out as soon as I saw him pulling up with our friend and came in to be with him. Chatted to our friend and offered him dinner which he declined as he said he needed to go. I said to my DH I’ve left my phone at neighbours so I’ll go grab it. No problem. Neighbour reminds me that I’m asking DH to go and see the band we saw last Saturday tonight (we all went and had a fab night) so call DH and ask him. He says he doesn’t want to go so I say fair enough, can you drop us around the corner as I’d quite like to go. We have tomorrow together (he’s working tomorrow evening) and we have Sunday and next week together. The connection drops so I try to call him back. He doesn’t answer. I’ve come home and he’s laid into me that he just wants to spend the time with me but I’d rather eff off with my neighbour (joint friend), threw his glass so it smashed in the kitchen, shouted at me some more that he’s been away working all week and I should just want to be with him and stormed upstairs telling me to eff off out.

I'm so sorry, OP. I've read where you've mentioned nerve damage, but that won't prevent him from having an affair. The other person might be accepting of him having difficulties with sex. It might be an emotional one, or it involves lots of foreplay, or they could use toys. Which brings me to think you might be slightly naive in thinking he won't hurt you. He lashed out throwing a glass, because he needed to be physically violent - It might not be a glass, next time when he gets the urge to be compulsive with his aggression. This really is only the start.

I hope you notify the police, kick him out, and change the locks.

ThisJadeBear · 28/03/2026 19:32

A 2 week cancer pathway check - first time I heard those words I was a wreck.
It was a gynae issue.
It was all good news.
I have had 5 since that first one I now call them going in for an MOT.
I am not making light of it, the OP could have gone in for something very invasive or not, but she sounds like a sensible enough person.
She had already planned to spend all Saturday and the next week with her DH.
He is absolutely diabolical to do what he’s done.
There is no excuse for the vile message he sent. Or ignoring her test.
Hope you get the best news and soon.

MCF86 · 28/03/2026 19:40

JennyBG · 28/03/2026 19:19

Having just read your very last comment, I can now understand why your husband acted the way he did.

He’s spent all week working away, knowing that you’re going for a medical procedure pertaining to cancer. He’s probably worried himself sick all week, then comes home to you being next door, and wanting to go see a band! Aren’t you worried about your procedure?

No excuse of course, but a little bit understandable him being upset. Weren’t you looking forward to him coming home? You both need to sit down and talk!

Show quote history

Are we supposed to just sit at home and fret when these things happen? If anything once OP mentioned the appointment I thought it made more sense that she wanted to be busy/distracted.

I can understand he might have wanted a quiet night in but OP also said he's come back the last 3 Friday nights and they've gone out so you would think he might anticipate that and text or call earlier in the day to check she hadn't made plans. Without him communicating it why would she assume this week would be different?

@FlamingoFloss I hope your appointment went well today, and that you have not had too much grief from your (hopefully soon to be ex) husband. 💐

Davegrohlsnewwife · 28/03/2026 19:50

You would prioritise seeing a band over spending time with him after he'd been away. This is telling.

He has anger issues and is violent when he's frustrated - and you'll be his punch bag. This is abusive.

Time for an exit plan OP. 💐