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Im pretty sure im on my way out 🙁

176 replies

EachandEveryone · 27/03/2026 14:49

Ive been in hospital for nine weeks rushed in with massive infection. Every time the try to reduce the antibiotics or change them to oral I spike temperatures and they have to restart. I obviously have an untouchable infection,

I have squamous cell cancer with unknown origin. Its been three years two years of chemo kept it in place but now its growing in my lymph nodes. Surgery not possible as i would bleed too much. Immunotherapy was supposed tonsave me but Ive never really had. chance to give it a go due to my bad luck,, vascular surgery, then taking my shin skin off then colitus! Infeel cursed!

my consultant is willing to try immuno again but he honestly doesnt think my temp will stay down long enough.

the other option is home on profilactic antibiotics and a care package. I feel like this is the only option really. I miss my cats. I feel so well in myself its so unfair. What started off the size of a peanut is going to kill me and god knows when that will be. Judging by the whispering and my consultant telling me to start smoking again it must be soon.

I feel sick!

OP posts:
HarmoniousHumbug · 27/03/2026 14:58

I’m so sorry to read this EachandEveryone.

Words aren’t enough at times like this.

I hope you get to spend time with your lovely cats and smoke as much as you want!

I lost a dc to suicide and will never get over the loss.

Its so unfair that people who don’t care if they live or die are stuck here, while so many who desperately want to live have their time cut short.

If I could swap places with you I would.

But as that’s not possible, please make the most of everything that is beautiful and joyful in this world of ours.

ThatsthelasttimeIplaythetartforyouJerry · 27/03/2026 14:59

I’m so sorry you are going through such a dreadful time, I hope you have some support in real life and that you have good people advocating for you, wish I could say something to advise you but there is a community on here who help each other, woolly hugs I think? Might be worth popping over there for support and advice?

Mischance · 27/03/2026 15:05

So difficult for you. Is there some way you can be at home with your cat and enjoy the bit of sunshine that is coming our way next week? Just to feel that on your skin will lift your spirits.

Interested in this thread?

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Chosenfamily · 27/03/2026 15:06

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tartyflette · 27/03/2026 15:07

He told you to start smoking again!?!
I think I would ask my consultant for a lot more info ,both about my condition generally and if the news is not good, then how much time I am likely to have and what will the progression be like.
Specifically about smoking, wouldn’t it be likely to make everything worse? Unless he is talking about the very short term. I’d need a lot more specifics - it’s up to you whether you would like that or not, of course.

Chosenfamily · 27/03/2026 15:09

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Chosenfamily · 27/03/2026 15:09

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Tiddlywinks63 · 27/03/2026 15:11

Sending you hugs @EachandEveryone , I’ve been following your journey on the other thread and have no idea how you’ve stayed strong for so long.
Whatever you decide to do I hope it brings you some comfort and peace x

saraclara · 27/03/2026 15:12

Why on earth is everyone picking up on the smoking thing?

@EachandEveryone I'm so sorry for your situation. I would totally understand you just wanting to be home with your cats after such a long stay. Whatever decision you make alongside your medical team, I wish you well.

EachandEveryone · 27/03/2026 15:22

Well the smoking thing is do abit of what you fancy. If I drank it would be have a g and t

OP posts:
Theunamedcat · 27/03/2026 15:25

My dad was in your position they found the right antibiotic in the end and he was able to come home

Nosdacariad · 27/03/2026 15:26

Sending love and hoping you get support to do what's right for you xxx

ruethewhirl · 27/03/2026 15:32

Sending hugs OP. So sorry to hear what you're going through. 💐

Contrarymary30 · 27/03/2026 15:33

So sorry you're going through this . I have stage 4 cancer and live with the same fear as you all the time . Being at home would be my choice too , I have cats and find their company very calming . I'm sure you'll be well looked after at home with the new Hospital at home service I've heard is so good . No one really knows when their time has come so take each day as it comes and treat yourself to some luxuries and ciggies ! Xxx

Tootyfilou · 27/03/2026 15:33

Sending you hugs @EachandEveryone , I have followed you on the other thread. You have had such bad luck! My heart goes out to you. Are you getting much support in RL? ❤

Tillow4ever · 27/03/2026 15:38

I’m so sorry. I wasn’t sure what to expect when o opened this thread - but it certainly wasn’t this. You must feel so upset and frustrated, angry maybe? I really wish I could magic it all away for you - the infection and the cancer.

Is someone staying with your cats? Could someone FaceTime you from your house to see them? It’s not much, but maybe it would comfort you to see they’re ok?

I think this is the first time a MN post made me cry. I hope they find the right antibiotic and everything can be turned around. (((Hugs)))

EachandEveryone · 27/03/2026 15:40

I have good friends in London my family are up north they want me back but I prefer to be here for now. I don’t know Howe long I have I feel so well. I don’t want to ask too much as I feel like they need to make a plan. What do they do if the antibiotics don’t work do I just get a massive infection. I can’t do hospital st home if I’m on iv antibiotics. I’ve been referred to the hospice care. They just discharged me last week!!!

OP posts:
Velvetgoldmine · 27/03/2026 15:58

It sounds very frightening. I hope you get to see your cats soon, and that everything is sorted out for you. Sending love and wishing you strength.

Dollymylove · 27/03/2026 16:05

I cant add anything except a hug from me, a stranger on the Internet xxx

LadyOfLymeHouse · 27/03/2026 16:07

Sending love too. Make the best decision for yourself, if that means home and your cats then choose that. I'm sure I would want to be home in your situation as well. 💐

Sunshineandrainbow · 27/03/2026 16:09

EachandEveryone · 27/03/2026 15:40

I have good friends in London my family are up north they want me back but I prefer to be here for now. I don’t know Howe long I have I feel so well. I don’t want to ask too much as I feel like they need to make a plan. What do they do if the antibiotics don’t work do I just get a massive infection. I can’t do hospital st home if I’m on iv antibiotics. I’ve been referred to the hospice care. They just discharged me last week!!!

Some areas/ teams do I antibiotics at home so don't discount that.

Hope you get to see your cats soon.

SouthwarkLass · 27/03/2026 16:10

Have a hug from another random stranger, it sounds very frightening. I hoe you can go home and be looked after by your cats

Peachypips78 · 27/03/2026 16:13

I’m sorry to hear this. Praying for peace and that you will be able to go home to your cats x

StarDolphins · 27/03/2026 16:15

Oh gosh this has made me cry. Op, what an upsetting situation for you. I bet your cats miss you too. I hope they manage to get the infection sorted quickly for you xx

Thechateau · 27/03/2026 16:21

I'm so sorry OP, sending you love and strength. I hope that there is some possibility of a breakthrough. I totally understand you missing your cats, I would be the same

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