Im pretty sure im on my way out 🙁

[EachandEveryone]

Ive been in hospital for nine weeks rushed in with massive infection. Every time the try to reduce the antibiotics or change them to oral I spike temperatures and they have to restart. I obviously have an untouchable infection,

I have squamous cell cancer with unknown origin. Its been three years two years of chemo kept it in place but now its growing in my lymph nodes. Surgery not possible as i would bleed too much. Immunotherapy was supposed tonsave me but Ive never really had. chance to give it a go due to my bad luck,, vascular surgery, then taking my shin skin off then colitus! Infeel cursed!

my consultant is willing to try immuno again but he honestly doesnt think my temp will stay down long enough.

the other option is home on profilactic antibiotics and a care package. I feel like this is the only option really. I miss my cats. I feel so well in myself its so unfair. What started off the size of a peanut is going to kill me and god knows when that will be. Judging by the whispering and my consultant telling me to start smoking again it must be soon.

I feel sick!

I was going to ask about hospice at home but I can see you've already had them involved. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. You are absolutely entitled to be assertive about what you want to do with the time you have, however long that may be. Like you, I'd want to be at home with my cats in my own space.

Sorry you are going through this OP. Hope you get the support you need.

Hello lovely , I have been reading the life limiting cancer thread for a long time now and even though I lost my first husband to bowel cancer, it was not my place to comment ….i just want to say to you especially right now that I wish you peace and acceptance in the weeks and months ahead….you, Enigma, Sewing bees, BalkanScot , lucysmam, livingwith, sellotapechicken and all the other brave ladies have all my love, respect and admiration….im just so pleased i got to tell you this ..whenever your time comes i wish you a safe and peaceful onward journey….x

OP, you sound like you don’t have any support from friends and family, but I hope I’m wrong. How can we help you? Xx

Oh op. My prayers for you. I really hope that you will be okay and will tell this story in years to come 🥺❤️

So sorry OP. Sending lots of love. Enjoy your cigarettes, do you have any support? xx

Sending you so much love and strength op xx

Sending you love and hope @EachandEveryone

Thinking of you, @EachandEveryone 💐

Ah what a lovely post, Thankyou.
We are all certainly on a right old journey, that’s for sure. 🌸🌷

Hello @EachandEveryone

Well, this is bloody shite.

I've DM'ed you.

Oh bless you, honestly you and all the other ladies on your thread are inspirational…..if I could wave a magic wand and free you all from all the utter shite you’ve got going on, I would do it In a heartbeat….im so pleased your latest scan is stable and I appreciate you replying here….take care my lovely x

I'm so sorry you are having to endure such long treatment. Cats are such therapeutic companions. I hope you can be with your dearest cats again soon. 😻😻😻

hello beautiful brave lady, unfortunately all i can offer you is heartfelt words.

i'm deeply moved by your post, i'm sending you the utmost abundance of love and healing, please allow me to also pray for you. you have unintentionally given me a much needed and welcome reality check and for that, i humbly thank you.

i desperately wish i could show you care and kindness in person and that i could ease your struggles and most importantly restore your health.

cancer is such a vicious and cruel disease, i hate it with every beat of my heart and more and i would change places with you in a heartbeat even for only 10 minutes to give you a break.

although you wouldn't think it from my username, i love cats and i know how special they are. when i was 18 there was a stray that would come and sit in my mother's garden, the first time i saw it i was sitting tearfully on the garden furniture having a cup of coffee and a cigarette to gather my thoughts because i had fallen out with a close relative who was like a best friend and the long running feud had secretly broke my heart (not that i have admitted that until now) and all i saw was a black and white head and two bright amber eyes, i gradually inched closer until i was about a metre away and was doing all the usual "hello baby, are you my new friend? you're such a gorgeous kitty" etc and it sat in quiet companionship with me until the lump in my throat disappeared. i decided to feed it and look after it as best i could in the circumstances (my mother vehemently dislikes cats after a schoolfriend's nana's tomcat became startled and flared up at her when she was a young teen and warned me not to feed it) so when the coast was clear i would spoon beef paste onto the grass or leave a few slices of cold meat if i couldn't get my hands on cat treats (cat food was too hard to hide), this developed into going out to sit on the furniture in the night when i couldn't sleep (or when i set an alarm so the coast was definitely clear).. i often wonder what happened to my little friend, it got me through a very difficult mental state.

i also have another funny story about a cat which will (hopefully) put a smile on your face. it happened when i was 16 and still puts me into a fit of laughter all these years later. my gran and i were having a ciggie at the kitchen table and she decided to stand at the open ground floor window to look in the windows across the street at the stars and i knocked my lighter down so i bent down to pick it up when i heard a shriek, which lead me to jump, bang my head against the table and shriek too and i asked "gran are you alright?" to which the answer came "no i'm not, that fucking cat just jumped on my head and grabbed onto my bloody ears, please stop screeching and make me a cup of hot sweet tea for the shock"!!!! it was owned by a man along the road and was very well fed! my only guess is that it smelled the tuna sandwiches i made for a light dinner because we had a late lunch.

@EachandEveryone, you are amazing and my heart goes out to you.

God bless you op. I don’t really know what to say other than I hope you can remain comfortable and surrounded by love and support. It’s a shame your family are so far away, could they come and stay closer to you for a while? Sending you so much love and positive vibes x

Been in your position.
I would chance the immunotherapy.
I would also ask for any experimental treatments - being part of trials etc.
You never know what will work.
Good luck and good health to you.
Spend lots of time in nature and swimming.

Sending love to you and your cats, hope you get to be together soon ❤️ xx

How are you this morning OP? Did you speak to your consultant again today?

Did you say they are trying a new antibiotic last night?

Will your mum or sister be able to come over if you are going home next week?

I don't know if you believe in God or not @EachandEveryone but I'm going to pray for you. It can do no harm and may do some good.

Dear @EachandEveryone, you've said it yourself, you miss your cats. I would speak to your consultant about what the care package looks like practically and I would be back there snuggling with them and enjoying a good smoke too if that's what makes you happy. Do you have people at home to look after you and to feed the cats on the days you can't? Sending love and strength x

Yes my lodger who is a good friend.

a darling friend came and look me out. Gave me a massage and went to
m and s and bought a picnic I could only it bites but it was delicious. She is 60 next week she is feminine and glamorous I need to get her something lovely if anyone has any ideas

Sending best wishes.

Glad you sound cheerful and stronger today ! Glad you went outdoors and out of the hospital for a bit today, sounds like it did you good.

A posh gift hamper with wine etc for your glam friend?

A silk scarf from Liberty (but they are £££) x

Liberty | Designer Department Store Selling Luxury Brands

@EachandEveryone I'm so sorry to read this. That is really shit. Sending hugs and kitty head bumps.
Your dear cats. I remember you having adopted Dolly (?) from the CP centre I volunteered at.
I'm pleased you got out for a while, getting out makes a difference.