Im pretty sure im on my way out 🙁

[EachandEveryone]

Ive been in hospital for nine weeks rushed in with massive infection. Every time the try to reduce the antibiotics or change them to oral I spike temperatures and they have to restart. I obviously have an untouchable infection,

I have squamous cell cancer with unknown origin. Its been three years two years of chemo kept it in place but now its growing in my lymph nodes. Surgery not possible as i would bleed too much. Immunotherapy was supposed tonsave me but Ive never really had. chance to give it a go due to my bad luck,, vascular surgery, then taking my shin skin off then colitus! Infeel cursed!

my consultant is willing to try immuno again but he honestly doesnt think my temp will stay down long enough.

the other option is home on profilactic antibiotics and a care package. I feel like this is the only option really. I miss my cats. I feel so well in myself its so unfair. What started off the size of a peanut is going to kill me and god knows when that will be. Judging by the whispering and my consultant telling me to start smoking again it must be soon.

I feel sick!

I'm so sorry. I had a squamous cell carcinoma when I was in my mid-30s. It was on my face so it was caught early. I lost a chunk of my nose but I was grateful it hadn't spread.

I can't offer you advice about how to get your head around what's happening to you right now. But I hope you find some sort of peace with it all.

Oh @EachandEveryone that fucking sucks. You are so strong and funny and capable. I am so sorry you are in this awful situation and have everything crossed the new antibiotics do their work. Be bloody kind to yourself. 💐🙏🏼

I'm really hoping you get to go home to your cats.

@EachandEveryone can you get a g&t to go with a smoke? Can someone bring some in?

why don’t you just ask the doctors. When my husband was terminal they were nothing but kindly blunt. Don’t waste time waiting for them to tell you. If it is bad news then make sure you can have all the conversations you want to have and the cuddles with the cats.

I think anybody in the OP’s position gets to decide on what coping mechanisms and support will suit them best.

So sorry to read this OP - being stuck in hospital for nine weeks sounds horrible. Sending strength

I am so sorry OP.
Sending you strength and love.

Thinking of you OP x

So sorry to hear this update @EachandEveryone
If you can, get home to your friends and cats xxx

My family know and have been down. Let’s just say they aren’t ones for showing their feelings but they call me everyday and send me cash now and again. They are in the loop

I’m sorry to Reat this @EachandEveryone So sad too read Big Hugs Praying for peace and that you will be able to go home to your cats x

Sending love and best wishes because there’s nothing else I can do. Feel for you OP and wishing you well.

So sorry to read this @EachandEveryone wishing you all the luck in the world that you will be back with your cats. Hugs.

Sending some moments of peace and happiness your way 💕

So sorry OP I hope you get a chance for for immu, and i hope regardless of prognosis you get some time with your cats soon x

If this has been suggested I've missed it.
Can you contact Marie Curie? I prefer them to others.
I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer last year and given two years. I'm not well but ATM I don't appear to have cancer after major surgery.

For me I have no fear because I absolutely believe I'll see my family again. Crock of sh*t to some but it took the fear away for me.

My little dog always knows when I'm poorly and last year I told the surgeon get this fucker out of me because I want to come home. I wanted dog cuddles and my own bed.
Is home the north?
I don't drink normally and have never smoked but if it's your thing have it. X

I’m so very sorry @EachandEveryone truly hope they can find antibiotics that will work for you I hope you will be surrounded by love from your friends & beautiful cats sending much love ❤️ xx

Oh bless your heart 😢. I clicked on this thinking it was going to be about redundancy. I don't know what to say, other than enjoy your time with your cats, animals are good at comforting people I find.

Do you live alone, or is someone at home that will continue to look after your cats ?

OP, I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. I’ve worked alongside palliative care nurses in hospitals and generally the aim is help minimise any distressing symptoms you may be experiencing, and generally keep you comfortable. Where birth is noisy, chaotic and fast paced, the end tends to be a slow, methodical quieting of the self.

With regards to your cats, it might be that you could arrange a few hours home leave if you’re well enough to go see them or get someone to bring them to you for a visit. They’re obviously important to you, don’t forget yourself and your wellbeing through all this. Sometimes medics can forget a patient is not just a patient, but a whole person with life outside of the medical context. These things are important to you, and should be considered.

As to the nurse talking about the Bible, well, even as a deeply committed Christian I would never say such a thing to a patient. However, I would tell them that the hospital has access to chaplains from all manner of faiths, even humanists, and offer to call someone on their behalf and that it’s a twenty four hour service and leave the decision with them.

On a personal level as a fellow mumsnetter, my prayer for you would be that wherever this journey takes you, that God would give you peace and comfort. That you get the opportunity to snuggle with your cats and feel them purring. That you are looked after by the best possible team and are in the best possible place for that care. As for comfort scriptures my favourite is psalm 91.

Sitting here feeling slightly sorry for myself and then I read your posts and realise I have nothing to be sorry about at all. 🙏💔

I’m so sorry @EachandEveryone. My husband has stage 4 bowel cancer. He’s currently in hospital fighting sepsis. Things are not looking good and I fear he is in the same situation.

He has previously been admitted with the same issues - every time things looked and was put into oral antibiotics, he spiked a temperature again! The last time Meroperin worked for him so everything crossed it does for you too 🤞🏻

@EachandEveryone I'll confess to being a bit of a lurker and from time to time I've read the cancer threads. Your posts were ones I looked for.

I don't know how approachable your consultant is, but if it was me I'd want to ask him for a 'cards on the table' conversation, and I'd make damned sure that I made it clear that I wasn't ready to die and I was willing to take risks to try to keep going.

Some patients would be ready to die at this stage, after going through so much, and all respect to them. But it's clear that you're not, and I think you need to make sure your consultant sees you, not just another patient.

If there's anything at all I can do to help, practically or virtually... PM. Genuine and heartfelt offer.

So sorry you’ve been stuck in hospital for so long, I hope you get to go home soon