Reasonable consequences for teen losing expensive door key twice?

[Zoo2tropolis]

This may be a mix of AIBU and WWYD

My DC is early teens. Usually very responsible, well behaved, very few problems at any age. At the start of the school year they were given a door key. In a pouch, to go inside their school bag and stay there. Told to keep it safe, we have a special door and lock so it's really expensive. It would only be needed every now and then when noone gets home in time to let them in.

Around Xmas time, they lost the key. Then eventually found it, but we were mad they hadn't looked after it. They had taken it out of the pouch, left it loose. The responsibility and importance of keeping it safe, and consequences of not doing that were impressed on them. We helped them devise a means to keep it safe - put it in a zipped pouch, again within school bag and it should stay there.

Today they said it's lost again, this time the zip on the pouch apparently broke, they put the key tucked just inside their phone case and it's gone. The phone has been taken multiple places and they have no idea when it went or whether in or outside the house.

I'm saying the consequences for this should be:

1. Grounded for 1 month, due to seriousness of the issue and it being lost despite previous conversations (but they can still go to clubs)
2. Loss of phone except for travel to and from school for communicating
3. They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

So AIBU, or what would you do in the same position?

I think people (inc me) are surprised at the level of sanction you are considering. I don’t see anyone or barely anyone actually attacking you. You asked ppl what they would do and were your suggestions unreasonable. Posters have suggested what they would do and most if not all think your suggestions are too much.

Maybe it’s not what you wanted to hear. But in the sense that people are giving their views, it’s mostly what you asked for.

So you started and asked if you were bring unreasonable and people said yabu and you don't like it?

Poor child. Sounds like you don’t like them very much. Haven’t you ever made a mistake.

Seriously, with this level of anger and suggested punishments from OP, I thought we were talking about £1000 plus. I get that £50 is a lot for some people, but you can’t punish your child more harshly just because your fucking door lock is expensive to get keys for! Unless you would punish them the same if they lost a key that costs £5 to replace. The natural punishments are good: they don’t get a new key until they can afford to pay for it (they should easily be able to make £50 with their laptop in less than a month; honestly, they could probably just go on Reddit, tell this story, and someone will either pity them and send them the money or tell them how to get a cheaper key).

Maybe that’s part of natural consequences too, instead of grounding or removing the phone - tell them you want a report on how much it would cost to replace the front door lock vs how much it will cost if they keep losing a key four times a year and go through it with them so they understand. But if I were OP, I’d be questioning why DS didn’t tell me when the zip on his bag broke, and he just tried to keep the key in his phone case, and solve it himself. Was he afraid he’d get in trouble after last time? Also yes, keys connected to lanyard inside bag; I’m in my 40s, but I have ADHD so I have this in my purse. My DH, who does not, and also has ADHD, loses his keys… and his wallet… and his phone… and his everything…

To be fair it’s probably easier to smash a window then take the time to hunt out and try and get into her key safe, i’d assume most burglars would think the same.
The few burglaries that have affected friends/family have all been smash and grab style ones through a rear window/door that was out of sight (or an unsecured door)

usual thing
OP AIBU?
MN yes
OP no I am not

Posters have made ludicrous comments about OP having a 'posh' door or 'status' door and its her fault for having such a lock

Posters can make a comment about whether the consequences fit the bill without doing that, which is why OP is feeling attacked, really unhelpful and unnecessary

One poster only has really set out consequnce vs punishment and why it fits better. Nothing to do with what door OP has, or even, god forbid, if a parent actually chose such a door in the first place (how dare they!)

This is in Chat

The OP ended her opening post by asking if she was unreasonable.

Stick a tile on it, I left my whole handbag in a café a few weeks ago didn't notice until I went to leave work and realised I didn't have my bag and car keys to go and pick up ds! Was able to see immediately it was still in the café, ran over and picked it up.
She's only lost it once. It's a huge overreaction to ground her for a month!

They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

What on earth does this mean? What non-dubious way do you want a teenager to come up with to earn £50 on the internet?!

This.
I read how thieves are getting into them either by force or overriding the codes.

Fair enough, some of what she wants to do is reasonable, some is not. But it doesnt mean she needs to be 'told off' for wondering, being annoyed or having a door.

This, you are being ridiculous.
We have a key lock box for the odd occasion they can't be let in.

I’ve a key safe outside the house, I attached it to a tree in the garden, tucked in amongst the branches, so it’s not visible at all, but I won’t say what species of tree it is in case it’s outing 🔑👀

Oh yes also the ultimate crime, OP isnt home to let them in!!

What are they then, latch key kids?

Why isnt OP tied to the house all day?

All this fuss over £50?

Yes it's annoying but honestly.

Of course not, MNers are all perfect!

Get a key safe and stop imposing silly consequences because you have a fancy door.

First time losing the key - they get a good telling off. Second time - they pay for a new key out of their own money or they don’t get another key and they’ll just have to wait outside until someone gets home.

Putting the key in a pouch sounds like a recipe for loss to me, a pouch can easily fall out of a bag. A key chain as suggested by PP would be better or could you get a key box - DC can phone you for the code if they require to use it.

Exactly this , what a drama over a key , teenagers lose things , forget things and while annoying, its not the worst thing they can do!

OK @likelysuspect I agree that OP doesn't need to be at home to let a teen in.

And yes a few people have commented on the door, perhaps not in the nicest way. But most people have just expressed surprise at the severity of the sanction for losing a key once. Hopefully that might make the OP rethink.

In case you’re still reading OP, I do understand that the posts having a dig at the type of door you have are irritating but I think your suggested punishments are way over the top. Your child has been careless rather than deliberately uncooperative. It’s best to use natural consequences than punishment. In this case I would explain that the keys are very expensive and get them to pay something towards it from their pocket money. I wouldn’t go on about it. When you get a replacement attach it to a lanyard in the bag. Excessive punishment either leads to resentment which comes out later or cows a child down. How on earth would option 3 work? What would you expect them to do?

Yes this!

Lose the key, replace the key. Everything else is way OTT.

Teen DS has ADHD and his door key is on a bright neon lanyard with an AirTag on it.