Reasonable consequences for teen losing expensive door key twice?

[Zoo2tropolis]

This may be a mix of AIBU and WWYD

My DC is early teens. Usually very responsible, well behaved, very few problems at any age. At the start of the school year they were given a door key. In a pouch, to go inside their school bag and stay there. Told to keep it safe, we have a special door and lock so it's really expensive. It would only be needed every now and then when noone gets home in time to let them in.

Around Xmas time, they lost the key. Then eventually found it, but we were mad they hadn't looked after it. They had taken it out of the pouch, left it loose. The responsibility and importance of keeping it safe, and consequences of not doing that were impressed on them. We helped them devise a means to keep it safe - put it in a zipped pouch, again within school bag and it should stay there.

Today they said it's lost again, this time the zip on the pouch apparently broke, they put the key tucked just inside their phone case and it's gone. The phone has been taken multiple places and they have no idea when it went or whether in or outside the house.

I'm saying the consequences for this should be:

1. Grounded for 1 month, due to seriousness of the issue and it being lost despite previous conversations (but they can still go to clubs)
2. Loss of phone except for travel to and from school for communicating
3. They should use their laptop to come up with a way to earn money to cover cost of a new key, as this is about taking responsibility

So AIBU, or what would you do in the same position?

Wow. I misplace things at least weekly. I would hate to be ‘punished’ every time.
I think the key safe is a good idea. If they forget the code they can just ring you. I can’t imagine you would ever forget anything so shouldn’t be a problem.

Can’t you put a key safe up & put the key in there so it doesn’t get lost?

Well I sincerely hope the next time you lose something you are punished so harshly. It's a teenager who lost a key, any punishment at all is bloody ridiculous and unnecessary. It was an accident, we all have them.

I was a strict parent when mine were young but I think your punishments are way too harsh. I would dock pocket money until say £15 or 20 had been accumulated, with advice that if it gets lost a third time they would be grounded for a week.
Do they need the key every day? If not, just give it to them only on the days they need it.

You are very unreasonable. Get a new key or new lock system. No punishment necessary. Devise a better plan for keeping a key safe or accessible.

You’re being incredibly punitive , just get a key safe !

I’d just make them pay for a new one, withholding pocket money if necessary. I wouldn’t do the other things you’ve mentioned.

If at all possibly I’d also just say they don’t get a key until they pay for a new one. But if that’s not practical then fair enough

If they need to get in and can't stay outside, can they stay at school and only leave to time with you getting back? Or go to a library or similar?

I'm struggling to think why they'd need to get in and couldn't just wait.

Take the key off them and get a key safe. Drop the punishment.

If it's something so rarely used they are going to struggle to remember as it's going to be days and weeks between it being relevant in their lives. I keep track of my phone well because I use it daily and so it's kept fresh in my mind. I lose my keys constantly as I use them maybe twice a year. I never leave the house alone and everyone else I leave with has a set so I never actually need them. Since it's rarely relevant information to me, my brain purges their existence.

YABVU OP. People lose keys all the time. It’s on you as the adult that you have a stupidly expensive door and lock. The fact it was on the house when you bought it is irrelevant. You could have changed it at any point. You chose to keep it. You live with the consequences. You are projecting your issues with your stupid status door onto your
dc.

It's still ten times more expensive than a standard key and could represent a significant proportion of a weekly food shop.

You'd be pretty annoyed if a kid didn't put five ten pound notes in a wallet in favour of having them crumpled up in their blazer pocket whilst they played football on the field/left it in the changing room/ abandoned it in their form room/ left lying on the floor of their bedroom, I think.

Wow that’s really really mean and harsh…
it’s a learning lesson for you.
get a key safe.
a months punishment for a teen is FAR FAR FAR too much, the poor lad.

I"d be annoyed with myself that I'd not planned properly and got a key safe installed in time. I wouldn't punish myself, though, although the natural consequence is that I'd have to make myself available to let my child in, which would be inconvenient, until I got the key safe installed.

so what punishment will you go for when your child does something more serious than lose a key, because this is way OTT

People trying to attack me and calling it a status for, that's ridiculous. It's a secure door, it doesn't look anything special and has nothing to do with status. Haven't been able to afford to replace it.

We have a key safe on the side of the house. The children use that. I have 3 children and not one of them has a key the youngest being 18. Its worked fine for years

No, I'd blame myself for giving a relatively young child £50 in cash to look after, when much more sensible option are available.

Yes, it's this.

A new lock for a door will be cheaper than replacing the key. Maybe now is a good time to change it.

I would be tempted to put a tracker (e.g. tile 360) on the key so you have a hope of finding it if the same thing happens again

Is it one of those composite doors, Endurance door?

We're just about to buy one and the anxiety Ive got now about the bloody keys!

We're told there are 5 it comes with and a locksmith cant get into the door and theres some complicated system of codes to get a new one cut or something, cant go down to the key cutters or anything

Not sure Ive understood it right, it sounded complicated.

A key safe is under £15

I would install a key safe at your property which means they don’t have to carry a key at all if it’s a special key and expensive to replace…
My eldest lost his door key, he was distraught because I had told him to make sure he looked after it and he thought I’d be really mad.
I never want my children so worried about my reaction that they can’t come to me and say they had lost something so I was equally as upset that he was distraught over a key….
We got another cut and he’s not lost one since and I didn’t implement a ‘punishment’ for it as it was an accident and stuff like that happens.
I remember my brother being given a front door key when a young teen which he promptly lost, instead of cutting another my parents gave him a back door one…
He inevitably lost that one and was given the patio door one as his final entrance point and he lost that one. His consequence after that was that he had to wait for me to get home from college to let him but I don’t remember anyone getting cross about it. He’s still hopeless with keys and personal possessions now 25 years later!
Most parents of my children’s friends seem to have key safes now my 2 oldest children are in the minority having their own keys.

early teens and you didn't fasten the key into the schoolbag?

No, it isn't cheaper including labour. And would mean exchanging a secure lock for less secure, so no cost benefit.